Today we'll explore a topic that touches each of us at some point in our lives—the necessity to confront the uncomfortable truths about our paths and acknowledge when things aren't aligning with our deepest aspirations.
Join me as we explore the nuances of admitting misalignments, especially in the subtle grey areas often overshadowed by denial. From social media habits to seeking validation, we confront the silent discrepancies that impact our lives. Drawing on reflections from a recent silent meditation retreat, I navigate the process of self-awareness and the bravery it takes to recognize when actions fall short of our ethical principles. As we discuss strategies for realignment, from journaling and seeking feedback to embracing change, let's uncover the courage needed to pivot when our plans aren't yielding the desired results. So, let's dive in and explore the transformative power of acknowledging, evolving, and embracing change for a more authentic life.
Interested in getting 1:1 coaching support? Learn about my Coaching Program and book a free discovery call: https://www.jeremylipkowitz.com/intro
GET NOTIFIED WHEN DOORS OPEN TO UNHOOKED RECOVERY: https://jeremylipkowitz.mykajabi.com/unhooked
Connect with me on Social:
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/jeremylipkowitz/
Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/jeremylipkowitz/
Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/c/JeremyLipkowitz
---
ABOUT THE HOST:
JEREMY IS A MEDITATION TEACHER, LIFE COACH, AND DIGITAL HABITS EXPERT WHO WORKS WITH ENTREPRENEURS, EXECUTIVES, AND LEADERS.
Jeremy overcame addiction, shame, self-judgement, and depression in his early twenties with the help of mindfulness meditation. Mindfulness not only helped him let go of destructive behaviors, it also allowed him to connect with deeper meaning and purpose in his life.
For the past 10 years Jeremy has been teaching mindfulness and emotional intelligence practices at universities, recovery centers, and companies throughout Asia and the US. He holds a Bachelors and Master’s degree in Genetics and Genomics, and spent several years at Duke University working towards a PhD in Genetics & Systems Biology before he turned full-time to teaching mindfulness.
Jeremy is also an ICF certified Executive Coach. As a former scientist and academic, Jeremy has a great passion for bringing his EI based coaching skills into the corporate and professional world. He realizes how powerful & transformative these practices can be for skeptics and senior-level managers. He is known for his calm and grounded demeanor, his expertise in habits and high-performance, and his compassionate approach to transformation.
Coaching Certifications
* CPCC, Co-Active Training Institute
* ICF Member
* ACC International Coaching Federation
Jeremy is a Certified Teacher with the Search Inside Yourself Leadership Institute, a mindfulness-based emotional intelligence program initially developed at Google. He also spent time living and training as a fully-ordained Buddhist monk in Myanmar. He now combines his science-based expertise with a hunger for personal development to help others discipline their minds and achieve genuine inner- peace and fulfillment.
You're listening to unhooked on today's episode. Is your current approach to life working for you? How to have the courage to admit when you're out of alignment and start to make a change. So stay tuned.
Hello friends. Welcome back to the show. I am back from my silent meditation retreat in the mountains. 10 days of no speaking, reading or writing? No electronics. No eye contact with the other participants. Only 10 hours a day of sitting meditation, practicing the Pasana or insight meditation. At some point, I do plan to do a debrief on the experience to share with you all what I've learned this time around. As I've mentioned before, it's not my first rodeo.
I've done this. Uh, almost 18 times now. But. Each time there is a new lesson, a new learning, a new insight, and I'm still letting the dust, the dust settle on this one. Uh, and we'll do some more reflecting in the coming days and be sharing that on a future episode.
But today, what I want to talk about. Is something that inevitably all of us must face at one time or another. Or possibly multiple times in our recovery and in our lives.
And that is about having the courage to admit when things aren't actually going the way you want. To admit to yourself that something is out of alignment. Something is not quite right in the way that you're living. Maybe admitting to yourself when you're not acting fully in accordance with your moral values, your ethical principles. Something is wrong and having the courage to admit that. This is often more important for what we might call the gray areas in life, where it's not.
So obviously out of line, you know, if you are. If you are using hardcore drugs, you know, Crystal meth and you are. Um, you know, Wasting your life away. Some of these ones are more obvious kind of when your life is out of alignment when your life is not working. But it might be something more in the gray area, something around maybe, you know, your social media use, how you're showing up at work.
How are you showing up in your relationships? Your day to day habits. The ways that you might still seek validation from maybe attractive women who are not your significant other. The ways that you're suppressing your feelings and not expressing your needs to your partner. There's so many examples of how your life might be out of alignment.
Your life might be not what you want. You know, it could be that you're staying in a job that you have no passion for, and there's no future with. And you're just staying there because you don't have the courage to admit that it's not what you truly want. So there are many ways to describe this. One is just simply being ignorant and being delusional.
So not seeing how bad it actually is. And not seeing how far you are from living your fullest potential. Not realizing for example, that you're spending five hours a day on Instagram. Maybe you just don't know how much you're spending on Instagram. Or not realizing how much grade or you would feel if you were exercising regularly or eating. A healthier diet. So part of this might just be ignorance. You know, not realizing how bad your life has gotten. But it could also be that you're in denial, that you're sugarcoating how bad things are. So you might be aware that you spend five hours a day on Instagram, but you're kind of saying, oh, it's not that bad. It could be much worse. I'm actually doing just fine, like this. Or maybe about exercise its smell.
Maybe I don't need to exercise that much and maybe I don't need to eat that healthy. So there can be this aspect of being in denial. Uh, not really admitting to yourself that it's as bad as it is. And again, there are so many different ways that this could manifest itself. I've just mentioned a few, but to check in with yourself, check in with your own life and, and kind of see what it is for you.
What are the ways that your life is out of alignment? So the first step in fixing this problem is about seeing clearly. You know, seeing. What are the ways that your life is not working for you, that your life is out of alignment. And there are a few things that can help with this. The first thing that can help is simply having some time away from your day to day life. So, you know, the reason that I'm bringing this up, the reason that this is the episode for today is for myself, I just came back from a silent retreat. You know, going on retreat is a. Amazing time to get clarity on where you actually are. To put things into perspective. Uh, you can see things more clearly when you take that time away from your life. When you're not just going in the flow of your. Your duties and responsibilities, and you're not swept up in the current of. What you need to get done?
You can actually have some time to see more clearly. The ways you're showing up the ways you're behaving, what you're spending your time on. So. One of the things that can help with seeing clearly. Is taking time away. So you can go on a retreat. It could also just be taking. You know, a day without your phone or maybe a couple hours without your phone, where you go. On a hike in nature. Travel can also do this, you know, getting yourself outside of your normal environment and putting yourself in a brand new environment can help. Uh, shine a light on some things. Another thing that can help is journaling or reflecting. And there's a lot of ways to do this one as well.
So you might journal on what are your values? You know, what do you deeply value in life? And are you living in alignment with those values? If you do this journaling practice and you realize that one of your deep values is, uh, being of service. Or living a healthy life, you know, then you can check in and say, am I actually. Is my life. In alignment with these values. Is there any aspect of my life, that's actually doing these things.
That's. That are important to me, or am I just saying these are my values giving lip service to it? But not actually living it. So, if you realize that. Living a physically healthy life is important to you treating your body like a temple. But you're not actually eating good food. You're putting junk food in your body.
You're not exercising. You're not taking care of the body. You know, that can be a sign as well. Another way to do journaling or reflecting is some of the envisioning practices that I talk about in my unhooked course. So, you know, one example of this is envisioning your future. If you don't make a change, if you keep going down this path. Where are you headed? And again, you have to simply take the time. To sit back and reflect on these things because. We are all so busy in the modern age, you know, modern society. There's so many things to get done bills, to pay, work, to do people to catch up with. It's hard to actually take the time to get clarity on these questions, unless you carve out the time for it. So thinking about where you are headed in the future.
If you keep up with some of these habits of yours, if you keep up with five hours a day on Instagram, if you stay in this dead end job that you don't like. If you continue to not express your emotions, if you continue to suppress your feelings. Where's this going to lead you. And the flip side of that is. Where do you want to go? You know, part of this. Having the courage to admit when your life is out of alignment. Is actually knowing what is a fully lived life?
What is your fullest potential? What is the ideal situation? So getting clarity on these can help you discover and get clarity on whether or not. You are out of alignment.
The third thing that you can do to start to see more clearly is getting honest feedback from people in your life. Feedback from friends feedback from coaches or therapists or mentors. But actually getting called out on some of your shit. And for this, you need people who can actually be honest with you.
And it's why. Having friends in your life who know how to have difficult conversations, who know how to speak the truth and speak. Honestly, even if it might hurt your feelings. Those kinds of friends are invaluable. And if you don't have those friends, you know, this is the reason to have something like a coach or have something like a mentor. Someone who can call you out and who knows you, who knows what's going on in your life?
Knows what your insecurities are, your triggers, your. Self-sabotage mechanisms. So getting feedback from friends, from coaches, from therapists. Because again, this sometimes we're too close to our own problems to see it. This is something that I know very, very well. You can think that you're. Doing fine. But everyone else can see that you're actually kind of stuck on something you're struggling with this thing.
And you're not actually, as far along as you think you are. So when you're too close to your own problem, you need outside. Uh, outside support, you need outside perspectives to help you see more clearly.
The final thing. The fourth thing I want to say about how to get clarity on whether or not you're out of alignment is simply your life experience. Life experience can be a great teacher for when you are not living. In alignment with your truth in alignment, with your values, with your ethics. Your moral principles. When things. The wrong. You know that it can really just, it should shine a light and say, Hey, okay, why did this go wrong?
Is there some way that I'm actually. Not living the way I should be living. Um, and so to, to just check in on that, it's like, okay, what's going on in my life? That might be. Nudging me and trying to give me a sign that I need to make a change that I need to shift. So, for example, the exercise one. You know, if you are overweight, if you have physical health problems coming up, you're getting diabetes.
You're getting metabolic disorders. You're having back problems. That might be a sign. You know, one of my clients. Has struggled with back problems. For much of his life and, and that was a sign it's like, oh, okay. Maybe I am not eating as well as I should be. Maybe I'm not exercising and stretching and doing yoga as often as I should be. And that was a sign. I remember hearing this one podcast episode. About depression. And about the way that we medicate away depression, we medicate away some of these things. And it was a very interesting perspective that they brought up that. Things like anxiety, depression, sadness. They are there for a reason evolutionarily they're there as a signal that something is wrong and something needs to be addressed. If you are depressed, it is a sign from your body.
It is a sign from your mind. Hey, something is wrong. That you need to address, you need to change something about the way you're living. So that is, you know, the last way to kind of get that clarity is to say, okay, am I really deeply fulfilled? Or is. Is there something. Going on in my life. That can be a signal that, Hey, maybe I need to make a change here. Because the thing is if your current way of life isn't working. You have to do something different. You have to change it up. There is a quote from Albert Einstein that many of you know, You said the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, but expecting different results. How many of us. Are doing the same thing over and over and over again, and expecting different results, expecting things to be different. If your habits are working against you, if your relationships keep failing, if you are. Going back to the same bad habit again and again and again, it's probably a sign that whatever strategy or approach to life you're using. Including not having a strategy at all. Just isn't working. And it might be a strategy that works for others.
You know, the key here is to find what works for you. So, for example, maybe 12 step programs worked for your friend and work for other people, but maybe it doesn't work for you and that's okay. Maybe practicing moderation, you know, with alcohol or with social media works for your friend. But not for you. And again, that's okay. So we have to have the courage to admit. When our plan isn't working. And that's tough because it feels like defeat. It feels like failure. You know, to admit. That we're not actually happy to admit that we're not actually feeling fulfilled. But there is no failure unless you stop trying, unless you give up. Pivoting to try something different is actually a good idea.
If you're not getting the results you want. Right. So some tips on this as you can't. Always think your way into right action. Sometimes you have to act your way into right. Thinking. What that means is that sometimes you just need to take action to not wait for motivation to be there. To not wait for the perfect plan to fall into place. Or the perfect idea. But just to get up and go for a walk. Or do some pushups or sign up to that gym membership without overthinking it, sign up to that retreat or to, you know, have an uncomfortable conversation and not know how it's going to go.
Another note on this is sometimes you're not in denial. Sometimes, you know, it's a problem, but you're procrastinating or you're waiting for someone else to fix it. You're waiting for something. To change. You know, as soon as the new year starts, then I'll start fixing my relationship. But part of this process of having the courage to admit when your life is out of alignment is taking full ownership, taking extreme ownership of your life. So you can't wait.
You. You know, one of this. One of these quotes that I love and just keeps coming to my mind is if not now, When. If not now, when, if you are not going to make a change now, when are you going to make a change? You know, and maybe there is maybe there's some. Actual rational thing that you have where, okay.
I can't actually make a change now. And actually can start my change. Five days from now because it aligns with certain things in my calendar. And that actually does make sense. But for many of us, the win is some vague thing in the future. Tomorrow. When things get better when things get easier. When I feel more motivated. You know, there's this kind of vague thing where we're pushing it off into the future. And so you have to take ownership, you know, once you admit that your life is not working, once you admit that something is out of alignment, Something, some habit of yours is not supporting you. Then you have to really get serious and say, no, this is my responsibility. How am I going to make a change? And where am I going to go?
So that is what I wanted to talk about today is having that courage to admit when your life is out of alignment.
And again, a lot of this work is the emotional aspect of. It's going to be hard to admit that you were wrong. It's going to be hard to admit that you're not perfect. It's going to be hard to admit that you don't have the greatest habits in the world and to say, gosh, yeah, I actually need to make a change. And if you can have that humility. It's one of the greatest characteristics you can have. It's one of the things that's going to support your self development more than anything else is. The humility. You know, being humble and saying, yes, I do need to make a change.
I'm not where I want to be.
So that is the episode for today as always, if you'd like to support the show. The best way to do it is to leave a review or to share an episode, your favorite episode with a friend. With a network with a community. Uh, you know, my goal for this podcast, my aspiration is just to reach as many people as I can to start bringing this topic of addiction, porn addiction. All the things that we talk about on this podcast to more people.
So if you can help me do that, if you can leave a review, if you can share an episode with a friend, uh, it always does make a huge, huge difference. So that is it for today, signing off from another beautiful day in Cape town, South Africa. We'll catch you on the next episode.