79. Aren Bahia - From Drug Dealer to Dharma Healer: Aren's Recovery from Addiction to Finding Purpose

Aren Bahia is a Canadian entrepreneur/philanthropist who's lived a "full spectrum life".  From organized crime in Vancouver to spiritual development in Asia, Aren's seen his world shift from the fast life in the rough part of town to meditation and yoga in the Himalayas where he learned to live a life of generosity, connection, and compassion.  Since starting his life over in Bali in 2016, he's launched 8 businesses in 8 years and raised tens of thousands of dollars every year for underprivileged and mentally disabled Balinese children. He's the founder of Karma House Bali, Conscious Arts Tattoos, and a founding partner in YogiLab, Lighthouse Studios Bali, Lotus House, and Sigma Motor Group.

Learn More about Aren here: https://www.instagram.com/ink_pray_love/

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ABOUT JEREMY LIPKOWITZ

JEREMY IS A MEDITATION TEACHER, LIFE COACH, AND DIGITAL HABITS EXPERT WHO WORKS WITH ENTREPRENEURS, EXECUTIVES, AND LEADERS.

Jeremy overcame addiction, shame, self-judgement, and depression in his early twenties with the help of mindfulness meditation. Mindfulness not only helped him let go of destructive behaviors, it also allowed him to connect with deeper meaning and purpose in his life.

For the past 10 years Jeremy has been teaching mindfulness and emotional intelligence practices at universities, recovery centers, and companies throughout Asia and the US. He holds a Bachelors and Master’s degree in Genetics and Genomics, and spent several years at Duke University working towards a PhD in Genetics & Systems Biology before he turned full-time to teaching mindfulness.

Jeremy is also an ICF certified Executive Coach. As a former scientist and academic, Jeremy has a great passion for bringing his EI based coaching skills into the corporate and professional world. He realizes how powerful & transformative these practices can be for skeptics and senior-level managers. He is known for his calm and grounded demeanor, his expertise in habits and high-performance, and his compassionate approach to transformation.

Transcript

 So I was doing lots of drugs to stay like numb enough to the stress around me, but also I just knew I wasn't reaching my potential. Like I wasn't doing something that filled my heart and I wasn't helping anybody. And I was like, fuck, I know I'm a talented human. This is a cop out. Yes, you're making cake, but it's not this isn't something you're proud of.

And I think that weight, especially as men, if we're not living in our purpose, like we're not doing something that's a net positive to the area around us, it is. eats at us. We're not living out a dharma. If you're not living out your dharma, your purpose in life your true gifts aren't being used to their highest potential.

What's the point? You just autopilot And that's something that was eating at me,

It was a direct path to a connection to myself. And this is exactly what was missing is I was disconnecting trying to find connection and all these other weird short lived, cocaine sized, cocaine ways that were porn and women and validation and money and all this shit where really I just needed to learn how to connect to myself in the silence and be okay with that.

And that was the key.  

 I think it's really powerful for people to get a fresh perspective and get out of your own habit patterns for a second. Change your environment and go see what's going on in another place and go get around strong healthy men.

And in this case, I was around strong healthy men who were conscious and I saw that we could look in each other's eyes and be like, I love you, brother, and all this stuff where I was like, okay there's a different way of operating here. And actually.

Talking about our feelings And growing and doing the work in on ourselves and healing our shit is cool. Okay. So the work is cool. Actually, how much can you evolve internally? How much can you dive in and take the big risks on yourself? How much can you be vulnerable and want to work on your inner turmoil and heal your childhood patterns and wounds and do the work, have the cry, go fucking have a big cry.

And other guys would be like, Oh, you had a good cry. Good man. Like that being cool rather than this other shit of like I bought a band. Yeah, that's what's up, bro I fucked four bitches last week. Yeah, bro Like that used to be me  



My guest today is Erin Baya. Erin is a Canadian entrepreneur and philanthropist. Who's lived a full spectrum life from organized crime in Vancouver to spiritual development in Asia. Aaron seen his world shift from the fast life of the rough part of town. To meditation and yoga in the Himalayas. Where he learned to live a life of generosity, connection and compassion. Since starting his life over in Bali in 2016. He's launched eight businesses in eight years and raised tens of thousands of dollars every year for underprivileged and mentally disabled Balinese children. He is the founder of karma house Bali. Conscious arts tattoos and a founding partner in Yogi lab, lighthouse, studios, Bali, Lotus house, and Sigma motor group. This was an incredible conversation with an absolute gem of a human being. Who has a powerful story of transformation and recovery. When I first learned about Aaron's story, I knew we had to bring him on the podcast to hear about his journey. We talk about Aaron's past as a drug dealer and drug addict. The role of environment in his recovery and how he built a new life. The importance of rituals and self-care practices like yoga, exercise and meditation. And how to navigate the modern digital world. Especially when it comes to social media and the internet. This is a fast paced conversation. 

So you might have to listen twice. So without further ado. Please enjoy this conversation with Erin Baya. 



All right, ladies and gentlemen, welcome to another episode of Unhooked. I am your host, Jeremy Lipkowitz, and I'm here with Aaron Baya.

Aaron, welcome to the show. Did I get your name right? Yeah. Everybody fucks it up. Good job. I practiced. I went to the mirror. I was like, okay, Aaron Baya. 

Hey, thanks for having me. And thank you everybody for listening. It's a great topic. And when you reached out to me and I heard about what we're doing and what we're talking about here is something dear to my heart.

And I'm just like addiction. I know well, and it seemed like in my days of being a drug addicted drug dealer and I was a sex addict for sure, I was living life like a rap music video, and it just seemed like porn was just hand in hand, that's, yeah, hand in something, but it was definitely porn was very much so a part of my life, and it was only recently that I was able to gain through knowledge of what you're doing and hearing more about how this is fucking our minds up That porn is really weakening us as humans.

And it's the same technology as slot machines, whereas just, you're just in it, you know? and I'm seeing that same pull of addiction, say in TikTok or Instagram, and it's just sensory overload. Man it's serious. And to be able to unhook from that, I saw the same hooks come out from like cocaine and oxys and just this Craving energy.

And I was just like, dude, what you're doing is super important. And for everybody and all the dudes out there to know, like  when we can unhook from that and regain our sovereignty and our power and be able to come back to coming back to ourselves and not needing to look at it and seeing that its power is just what we're giving it, how much we can accomplish at that point.

And be able to build some dope shit. Like we can actually be superhumans again. Once we're able to let go of that. So thank you for 

what you do. Yeah. You just, I think you just said it all. So I think we can wrap up this podcast.  Um, And I'm really excited to have you on because you have a wild story and I know we're only going to scratch the surface of kind of what you went through in your life.

But I think also, I've listened to a lot of your stuff and I think a lot of the stories you've told go talk about certain aspects of your life, but I think. Today we're going to talk about some of the other things related to intimacy and sexuality and addiction and meditation, Vipassana. So I'm excited to get into that with you.

Before we go to the dark side of your life and the rock bottoms. Why don't you give people a sense of kind of what you're up to today? Just a very general overview so they don't think you're just a horrible person  So they know that you're actually doing good in the world And then we can talk about how you're a horrible 

person Absolutely.

Yeah, I when I started my life over in 2016 I was a horrible person and by design I created a life. I absolutely love now, you know I launched eight businesses in eight years I sold everything I had in vancouver canada Unplugged from that life and moved to bali where I Launch businesses that have a karmic impact and so my first tattoo shop.

That was a hit I own three tattoo shops. Actually, I just sold one of them I'm pivoting now mainly out of brick and mortar businesses and I love coaching, you know I'm really enjoying that where I'm able to help guys and women and everybody Help them launch their personal brands and businesses that are profitable as well as having a karmic impact and be successful doing something you're proud of, that's what I really love.

So I have a group coaching program called heart warriors, and that's also giving spiritual techniques, spiritual practices to entrepreneurs and planning exercises so they can be a business in themselves. And so whatever you go and do, whatever industry you want to pivot towards, which I've pivoted to many industries, I can just bring my knowledge and my skills with me to do anything.

And that's what I went from pivoting from being a drug dealer. I was pretty good at it, but it wasn't filling to then owning tattoo shops, to then an online personal development brand, to then Lighthouse studios, which is a content creation studio here in Bali with a restaurant in it, to then my own coaching practice, to then another tattoo shop in Vancouver, a luxury car rental company in Vancouver and now mainly coaching and podcast, because  being able to do many things came from investing in myself.

And that was the first house I had to clean. And I had a dirty house,  a very dirty house. And it was just and chaos and addiction and craving and just all the sensations, right? All the cravings and all the sense pleasures. Exactly. And I was living deeply in the sense pleasure world. And I'm not saying I'm great and perfect at it now, but I've come a long way from doing, about 15, 000 a month worth of drugs as a street price.

Obviously my price was much cheaper, but I was doing a,  Scar face type of proportions of drugs. And so I'm absolutely blessed to be alive and I've had a few of near death experiences even out here in Bali getting hit by a truck on my motorcycle and breaking both my legs, pelvis, elbow, Achilles and bladder, spending a year full year handicap like crutches and wheelchair and then crutches.

The practices.  That we learned from building a better version of us through Vipassana, through yoga, meditation, were transferable. And that's what got me out of my addiction was having a practice, having a mentor, having a teacher. Having a path. Exactly. And that path was the way out of my, out of addiction.

And porn was one of them.  Porn sex for sure. Drugs alcohol status, all this shit was just deeply ingrained, right? 

And you also do some kind of service based work with 

nonprofit. Yeah. One of my shops still funds a school for mentally disabled Balinese children to this day.

Every business I launched needs to have some sort of karmic impact in it. I want to make sure that we're doing something that's more than just money and that's made it worth it to be honest. Cause money you can always make, If you're aligned, and you're in the right place, but can you be having a positive impact in the community around you?

And I like to think of that as like just being Wi Fi like Wi Fi router of positivity and anywhere I go I want to be doing dope shit and to be affecting the area and I just feel like it that just feels good for me. So just anywhere I go I'm just doing something that helps the area an asset to the room.

Whereas in my addiction. I was just taking You know, I just felt like fucking give me all the senses, just anything around. I would just leverage for my own pleasure. And I'm just like, damn, that was a sticky circle to be in. You know? 

Let's, so now that we've proven to the audience that you are a good person   let's dive in to some of your rock bottom moments around addiction.

Like where did you find yourself?  at the most of your rock 

bottom? Oh man. Yeah, definitely the oxys. I was addicted to fentanyl oxycotton 80s, the shady 80s. I was dealing them, I was making a lot of money from them and I was getting high on my own supply to deal with the stress and discontent of not reaching my potential.

Yes, there was crazy stress in that level of the dope game, people would kidnap each other and shootings and extortions and just crazy shit that, and I'm a nice guy, I never would want to be involved in that, but if you're a nice guy in the drug game, it's not exactly a good fit so I was pretty low key, but I just knew that shit was all around me, and, you need to be, ready to be violent if need be or you'd be food and that's just a stressful job.

game to be in. 

 

So I was doing lots of drugs to stay like numb enough to the stress around me, but also I just knew I wasn't reaching my potential. Like I wasn't doing something that filled my heart and I wasn't helping anybody. And I was like, fuck, I know I'm a talented human. This is a cop out. Yes, you're making cake, but it's not this isn't something you're proud of.

And I think that weight, especially as men, if we're not living in our purpose, like we're not doing something that's a net positive to the area around us, it is. eats at us. We're not living out a dharma. If you're not living out your dharma, your purpose in life your true gifts aren't being used to their highest potential.

What's the point? You just autopilot And that's something that was eating at me, especially if you're an ambitious man, if you're not being directed in the right area, right direction, it's like  bad news. Just like you just got a pit bull puppy and you didn't train it correctly, it's gonna eat your couch.

But if you train that puppy correctly, pit bulls are the sweetest animals there are on the planet. They're so lovey dovey, just whereas you're, where are you being directed? And so I was completely misdirected by my own self and the influences around me, right? 

 

Rap music,  I just wanted to be a gangster.

And it was so easily accessible. Porn was so easily accessible. So it was definitely all hand in hand. And I just remember doing, About 20 oxy 80s a day, which if you did one right now, the ones I was doing, you might die. If you did one all in one, one line, it would probably kill you. They're so intense.



So I'd want to mention, since this is only guys hearing it, because I was like, I was fucking like three or four girls a week. And when I wasn't fucking three or four girls a week, to suffice in that, I was looking at porn like every single day, maybe, once or twice a day. It was a lot of fucking, lot of ejaculation and there's the addiction, just like doing drugs, there's addiction to the ejaculation I found, it was just like  grimy.

Yeah. Yeah. So it was another kind of potent source of 

addiction for you. They were hunting. Yeah. Yeah. For sure. I'd just do a line and look at porn. It was so connected. It was crazy. And I talked to another one of my buddies and he's a coke addict. Now he's in, he's helping people in recovery. Epic human.

And he was like, yeah. 

 Porn and drugs were like hand in hand and I noticed that, like the more I would, and it's just like sugar, the same exact fucking thing. If I stave off sugar for three days a week, I don't really want it that much anymore. But since I have it, I want every single day I want an ice cream bar porn.

If I don't do it for, A week. I don't even think about it really. I don't really want it. But then when I do it, I want it multiple times. It feeds that hunger. It feeds the hunger. I want it every day, multiple times a day. And it's holy shit. It's such an addictive, sticky substance. You're like, this thing's crazy.

And drugs like cocaine is the exact same way. And when people do one line, they're never like that was cool. It's more like every hour on the hour, every 15 minutes, you just want more cocaine. So it's there's something that these substances like bring out in our minds that just as soon as you have one, they.

Your minds click on to them just stick on to them and it's like they fire off so much Dopamine in your brain that you're just like more and I think that's where meditation and mindfulness really helps because you fall in love with the mundane and You make this present moment in this breath and this right now awesome And just if you're listening to this podcast you take a breath and you listen to this podcast You're really listening to this podcast suddenly being present with this podcast.

You're like, oh This just got better.  

I hope it just helps. 

Yeah, when you stop needing things to be more pleasant and more exciting, you can just say, Oh, this is good enough right here. 

Exactly. But I was living such a life of excess and more because I just wanted, I got a Mercedes, but my friend had a Bentley.

It's I wanted the new Louis Vuitton, or I wanted the hotter girlfriend, or I wanted, I had a hot girlfriend, I wanted a mistress, or I wanted this, I wanted that, I wanted this. It was consistent cravings and wantings, and we want it right away, right 

now. Yeah, the word that always Kind of resonates with me is insatiable.

Like  it's just, you're never satisfied. You're never satiated. You're just I need more. It's a it's a bottomless pit. You just need to keep filling it up. Yeah. Yeah. 

Yeah. There's some term in recovery where one more is never enough. And 10, 000 or 10, 000 is never enough. One more is never  something like that.

You know 

what I'm saying? There's Yeah, I know it's just like one is too many and ten thousand is never enough. That's it. 

That's it Thank you for something like that fucking up my quote  The quote and it's exactly it or it's just never enough and it's just like cocaine where you're doing it You're like do I even like this like you don't even really know if you like the way it feels and that's 

actually one Of the signs of addiction is when you stop liking it, but you just want it Yeah, and even though you're like, I'm not enjoying this anymore, but I just crave it anyway And that's one of the signs that Like an addiction is there.

A hundred percent. And this is where I wanted to, because we were talking about Buddhism before we started, and 

 

the subconscious mind loves ritual. And I feel like we just love the ritual of the porn and finding the, finding the one that you like, the hunt, the hunting it through perusing around, like the ritual of that  fires off something in your mind and you enjoy it.

Just like cocaine. Like you enjoy putting something in your nose and try it, like you, the whole thing. The act of doing it somehow has a higher payoff than actually doing it. And then I was thinking of the rituals we see in Buddhist cultures and different traditions here in Bali. And we're just in the time right now is Galungan, which is a time, a very special time in Bali, where there are a lot of ritual and ceremony about overcoming your e dharma and following your dharma and just getting yourself on the right track and overcoming your own darkness.

Perfect time for that. And the ritual of it. Like we love the ritual and it's what the ritual signifies. And so in Buddhist cultures and so many of these amazing things, if we can attach ourselves to the ritual of what this kind of, what this does for us, that's what all these ceremonies really are for.

It's the intention we put into it. And then we look at the ritual of Jerking off to weird porn because the porn you're looking at before doesn't do it for you anymore Yeah, it's like hey, there's still rituals and your subconscious mind is still paying off for it somehow Can you look at what your subconscious mind really wants?

Like what's the game that you want to win here?

  That's a funny thing. I was like thinking of when we were talking about this before because I'm like, yeah porn is a whole ritual 

It's, and it's one that many men get access to when they're seven, eight, nine years old. Way too young. Exactly. And it becomes the first addiction 

for many men.

A hundred percent. Yeah. Because when you're, 12 and you just want to jerk off all day. And before we'd have to look at like Sears catalog or something.  Macy's 

catalog, Victoria's Secret. 

Yeah. In our day, right? Yeah. It was just like a funny time to, sexual exploration in say the nineties.

But now there's kids. 

Oh my God. Yeah. Infinite. Variety and free and easily accessible. 

No, 

like 10 year olds know what like a gangbang is.  You should not know that information. It should be readily accessible for you.  Yeah. And so it's just it's crazy to see how accessible this is and how bad that is for our minds and taking the mystery out of it and what that's doing and also what that's doing to us as a culture like OnlyFans blowing up 

and it's everywhere it's I mean it's not just OnlyFans it's You know, the way that Tik Tok is Instagram, everything is hyper sexualized, hyper stimulus.

It's 

a crazy trigger though, because I've been seeing like, you, like you're working out here in Bali and there's OnlyFans girls at the gym that you work at shooting videos for themselves, like squatting, that's going to go on their Instagram and OnlyFans later. You just know what they're doing.

They're wearing these tight little booty shorts and you're like,  this is bad, but good, but bad.  This is not okay, but fuck, and it's this is not good for me. But. Then, they add you on Instagram or you see them on Instagram. It's like Lincoln bio. And then you click on the Lincoln bio, it goes to their only fans.

And you're like, wow, 7 to see this girl's vagina. I'm like, I know her. Like the taboo of that is extremely attractive. Cause you're like it's the girl next door or, on the next leg press machine. And  Just seven bucks. Like it's crazy to see how we'd never had to deal with something like this ever again in our lives.

And I've really had to draw the line in the sand of I'm not going to do that because I did it. Of course. I'm good. I see that all the time. Of course. I'm like, why not? I'm curious. I wonder what her vagina looks like. Seven bucks. That's a sandwich. It's not so big deal, right? 

It's crazy that we've never had to deal with problems like these. And so 

what's happening We need a new set of kind of ways of dealing with these things. 

100 

 

modern problems, we need modern solutions, right? And it's just like such a dynamic situation. And I noticed that the quality of my mind was deeply being affected by this.

And I'd have these girls pop up on my feed, and it would trigger me to want to look at porn. Because they had these hyper sexualized posts and so I had to unfollow any of these any of these girls that were like, I didn't know them personally and they weren't my friends and they were just some hot chick, is they had to go.

I had to do it. And I noticed my mental health and my time and attention benefit from that. 



 I wanna we can get into how you heal, but first I wanna explore a little bit about what was the moment where you realized you needed to make a change? What was the moment, is there a memory you have where you woke up to your life and you thought, I can't keep living like 

this?

Oh, many. Yeah, definitely. Yeah, I overdosed doing a drug deal.  It was bad. I had a couple kilos of blow in a suitcase and I was meeting some guys in a hotel and I passed out because I was super high and it was just like, I got woken up by hotel security and ambulance people and in the fucking suitcase was a bag of money.

I finished the drug deal. It was really bad in my car. I had a handgun with a silencer on it. I was selling it. It wasn't mine, but still that's an, you get charged with attempted murder. If you have something like that's really bad to have in Canada. So it was just like,  that was a bad situation.

I couldn't believe I made it out of that three cell phones in my pocket, like a thousand dollars and fives, just like personal spending money in my other pocket. I had a half an ounce of cocaine in it, just in my other pocket. I just was.  Like a walking charge, like how do you that'd be the dumbest fucking way to get pinched like that But that's where I was at in my addiction, right?

And that was you were so far gone I was just like fucking living the drug dealer life But high as fuck all the time and just operating doing everything and it caught up to me And it was just like I didn't eat anything that day I was stupid as fuck like it's a dumb way to get caught, right?

Thank god. I they just were like you need to go to the hospital you passed out like oh, okay  Just 

So you were, it was a gift from the universe, a wake up call 

that was a gift. 1000 percent I noticed this was a gift from the universe. And so then I knew I wanted to get out of the game before that anyways.

And I was super paranoid. I'm like, what if they found all this on me? They just didn't catch me because they, I'm under investigation already and they're trying to get a bigger case. I freaked out and I left and got out of the game a month later and I needed that wake up call. Cause I was just like, I moved to Bali right after that.

But there were so many times where I was just like. So I was sleeping with three or four girls a week, and it was just bad. Crazy and all this cash and women and you know it is too much sensory overload for a 23 24 year old to have that you're living this crazy life and I Didn't know how to be boring and boring just did not at all excite me And I think it's the same correlation to porn where it's like a you start off with maybe some basic stuff But then by the end of it you're done You're doing shit that you wouldn't even want to, you're looking at stuff you wouldn't even want to do.

Yeah. But for something. You just 

need something exciting to trigger you and to get the dopamine hit. 

Yeah. So I knew I was at a point where I was going to die or go to jail. I could just feel 

it. And what did you, when you went to Bali then, what was it that changed your life? Was there something that unlocked?

Some wisdom or 

some? Oh, yeah. Firstly before I left to Bali I did a plant medicine called iboga and it's like the stern father of  ayahuasca. It's gonna tell you're a fuck up over and over again. It's your fault. 

 

So I had to really see how accountable I was for my actions and that was like 

Taking ownership of the things that you were doing.

We're happening in your life. Yeah, 

it's like it's not my neighborhood's fault that I grew up like this. I grew up in a crazy neighborhood No, it's not the neighbor's fault. It's not your dad's fault for maybe not hugging you enough how you wanted it. No It's this is your fault. This is you've done this you made these choices You dug the hole yourself you stole those drugs and they didn't just jump up your nose, buddy Okay, this is my fault.

I chose To not control my addictions and sleep with that many women. I chose to do this I chose to do that like I had to eat it own it. And that got me to see that I needed to make a change and no one's going to save me but me. Nobody's, nobody's, Nobody's coming to save your ass.

You have to make the change 

yourself. It's such an important lesson for people in recovery to learn is that you have to take ownership and you are the only one who's going to make 

a change. A hundred percent. No one's going to save you. You have to save yourself, which at first hurts because you're like, I just always wanted someone to care me.

It's stop it. Care for yourself. Be that somebody that you wanted. 

 

And so it was like  jarring. 



And then I saw Eat Pray Love  cause it just happened to be on at that time.   Coming down off of Iboga, craziest plant medicine ever. I saw the scene in Bali where she's doing these offerings. And I was just like, there's a market scene.

Julia Roberts is walking through these women doing offerings. And I was like, I don't know what the fuck that is, but I need it. There's something about that, that, My soul needed and I just saw this beautiful blessing serene scene and I was like  That I need that in my life and I just sold I just bought a ticket two days later Rocked up alone on my 25th birthday diamond drug dealer earrings in my ears man purse Louis Vuitton shirt to yoga barn Fucking like yoga space and did a yoga teacher training the and changed my life.

 Absolutely Wow Because I got to learn how to just be alone in my thoughts on a mat. I couldn't meditate yet. I was too much of a crazy person. I tried. There's no way, but I could. I used to teach kickboxing and I used to be able to, I could do this physical sport. It's obviously a very different thing, but I was like, I could.

Learn how to teach yoga and dive into yoga. 

 

It was a direct path to a connection to myself. And this is exactly what was missing is I was disconnecting trying to find connection and all these other weird short lived, cocaine sized, cocaine ways that were porn and women and validation and money and all this shit where really I just needed to learn how to connect to myself in the silence and be okay with that.

And that was the key.  

So once I started learning how to be okay in my head on the mat, which is not easy, you still in your head on that mat wondering when this class is going to be over, like this pose sucks, blah, blah, blah. Look at that girl's ass, this and that  really okay.

And I started off in the back.  So I could see the asses and now I ended up in the front of the class so I could get the biggest benefit and it was like that transition and I think that's like a good analogy for my life was like getting in it for the wrong reasons and then being able to be at the front cause you want the benefit of the practice.

And I think that's okay that I ended up, started off like that. I think it's okay for any guys to get in to a yogic practice cause there's hot chicks. But then by the end of it, you're like, okay. And make that transition, don't just go banging all the chicks in the class, but go to the front, and be like, 

this is interesting.

The front of the class is the place to be.  And your focus becomes on just yourself and the teacher, as opposed to seeing the other people around you, and checking people out. Yeah. Yeah, it's a good metaphor for life. 

such a common guy thing to any room we walk in the gym or in a class and we just like scan  which ones yeah her for sure her yeah her yes okay great and then it's catalogued it's like such a way we think but if we can just drop that for a second and be like you're going in there to have a connection to yourself and god and move your body and transform  

in this time were you still  Engaged in porn or?

I was still a drug dealer. 

Oh, okay. I didn't leave the game yet I was doing international drug deals on my encrypted PGP Blackberry in this yoga teacher training. Okay, and 

that's why you failed the first yoga teacher training. Yes, I failed my first yoga teacher training. The only student to ever fail the yoga teacher 

training.

Nobody fails the yoga teacher training. I failed that first one because I was a fucking nutcase at that time and needed it. To be told no I needed to fail that training and I needed thank God for Denise Payne my first teacher because she's like I can't give you a certificate here. You were out getting drunk sometimes on the weekends, you were showing up hungover, you got a full sleeve tattoo, in the exam week of this course.

You're not taking this seriously and you don't actually really care when are you ever going to show up for something. You could be so great if you just showed up, but you didn't. I hope 

you come back. And I think this is a theme, we could keep revisiting this theme, but  meeting your full potential and knowing that you can be great.

And this is for the guys out there listening, knowing that there is something you can achieve if you really were to let go of these self sabotaging behaviors and really live into your full potential. And that is such a pain for guys when they know that there's more that they can live 

up to. A hundred percent.

It hurts because you're like self sabotaging. You're just not quite showing up how you'd want to show up. And that's when 

 I really needed to learn that the energy I brought into the room and the intention that I had really matters. And sticking to that intention really matters. And every time I forgot about it, my ego would run the show.

And the ego wants to fuck, or the ego wants to look cool, or the ego wants to, jerk off to, to feel a quick little high, and it's okay, you're living from a different space than if you're showing up and you just want to be love. Yeah. And you just want to be Wi Fi, I just want to rock up into this room and be an asset to it.

 

And I just want to be a pleasure to be around, and I want to be of service. How can I make this room better? Or how can I make this life better?  Yeah, 

what was that transition? Like, how did you go from being selfish and self centered to recognizing how important being of service 

is? It's fucking funny because it was during that first training when I still showed up like a drug dealer and I'm in a yoga teacher training and I'm trying to buy everybody wheatgrass shots.

And I'm like, hey, just bring a round for everyone thinking like, It's going to be cool for me to splash some money around and get some validation. And I was cheesy as fuck and it didn't work.  

You acted like you were buying people around a shots in a bar.  And so ridiculous. People saw through 

the, it just looked, yeah.

I just had such a fucking ego and it was such an immature, hoodrat, silly identity to want to bring into Ubud, Bali, of a spiritual community, a conscious community. And they just weren't having it. They were just like, yeah, I just look like an asshole and it was, thank God that I got told a few times and I could feel the cringe, and I was like, this isn't giving me the same validation payoff as it did in my old neighborhood.

Okay. Okay, so this doesn't work there. And that's why

 

I think it's really powerful for people to get a fresh perspective and get out of your own habit patterns for a second. Change your environment. Change your environment and go see what's going on in another place and go get around strong healthy men.

Yeah. And in this case, I was around strong healthy men who were conscious and I saw that we could look in each other's eyes and be like, I love you, brother, we could hug and it wasn't gay and all this stuff where I was like, okay there's a different way of operating here. And actually.

Talking about our feelings And growing and doing the work in on ourselves and healing our shit is cool. Okay. So the work is cool. Actually, how much can you evolve internally? How much can you dive in and take the big risks on yourself? How much can you be vulnerable and want to work on your inner turmoil and heal your childhood patterns and wounds and do the work, have the cry, go fucking have a big cry.

And other guys would be like, Oh, you had a good cry. Good man. Like that being cool rather than this other shit of like I bought a band. Yeah, that's what's up, bro I fucked four bitches last week. Yeah, bro Like that used to be me  

 

So there's a real shift in priorities and what you were valuing in life 

This is the biggest thing that I think is having a shift in your priorities and validation chain So what is ringing those bells of ding?

Good job you like what is set up for that? Whereas before it was Getting money fucking bitches, like that was it. Rap music video. Whereas now it was, okay, are you making an impact in the community around you? Are you a positive human? Do people love you for you? Are you of service? Are you happy and peaceful?

Are you present? Do you not need to get fucking drunk all the time or lit? Can you be happy sober? That's step one. Can you be happy sober? Can you be then also happy alone? And alone without porn or without just like tinder or all these random women like flings Like can you just be happy being you can you just go to a cafe and read a book?

Is that okay? And that was, these were my. And do that for 

you, not as a way to pick up spiritual chicks. 

Exactly. Exactly. A hundred percent, right? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Can you just read a book at home then? Yeah. And these were some of the goalposts I had to set up because I had to be aware of what I was doing, the patterns I was living and I got way more productive once I got a handle on this stuff.

And that's when I really saw how much energy. It was taking to supply these addictions and how much time I was wasting, and every time I'd look at porn, it's perusing time, how many times a day, whatever, and then the fallout mentally of like where it would take my brain power and concentration.

And as soon as I redirected that into Be here be now be happy and build something like get a project and work on it being busy really helped me That's one thing I really needed was like a project to work on and I was doing something I believed in Like I was building something that mattered that was going to help people and also make money.

So there was a potential gain I could attach myself to that mattered because if I was just Unfulfilled and not having purpose. It was so much easier to Like, why not, and I think that's what it was like in the West as well. It's if you're just working some job you don't really like, why not get drunk on the weekends?

Yeah. There's a great Viktor Frankl? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.  He has this quote, he says, when a man doesn't have a sense of meaning, he distracts himself with 

pleasure. Yeah. That's a good one. That book is fucked up. I listened to it like a couple months ago for the first time, actually. Yeah. That's a fucked up book.

It's powerful. Yeah. It's so intense. It really made me happy with my present moment. I highly recommend that one because it's just it ain't so 

bad. If you're complaining about your life, go read that book for sure. Yeah, sure. Yeah, absolutely. When did you find When did you start getting into Vipassana because, Vipassana for me was a huge part of my recovery and all the things you've already mentioned, learning how to be alone with yourself, learning how to not chase, craving and pleasure, but actually be okay with the present moment.

Yeah, so I was, About open conscious arts tattoo shop and that was my first successful business My first business was an airbnb bed and breakfast. It did good But like I didn't give a shit about beds or breakfasts. It's this doesn't matter to me It was like whatever we started tattooing out of the villa and that was what got me to bali got me stable Got me the lay of the land.

So it was a very important first step We don't always make it to crushing it on our first project or all the projects I've had field projects, you know out of those eight businesses. I launched part of the game. But the second business, Conscious Arts, I was launching my first actual tattoo shop.

And I had a buddy of mine that was wanting to film a documentary about my life and he was a documentary filmmaker. And he's dude, we should, we got to talk about your story going from drug addicted drug dealer to now, getting out and going into this conscious path. Let's film this.

He's let's go to Burma. And go do a Vipassana and we'll document it. And I was like, cool, but I'm about to launch a business, bro. I don't have time right now to leave. Like I just got the lease on the place. I need to renovate and I need to launch. And he's cool. The universe is never going to punish you for working on yourself.

And I was like,  Oh word? That sounds cool. Okay, you got me. 12 days. We're going to go for, we'll go for two weeks. We'll go to Burma. The that's where Burma was, holding the tradition of a past now when I left India keeping it safe for a few thousand years and then came back to India. 

Okay, great. So let's let's go take a look at this. And when I got there, Man, I'll never forget. Thank God. It's all mostly guys. Listen to this. I had a wet dream in my first Vipassana and it was like day three or four during the hardest part of it. And you take a nap, that middle nap is gold, just after, I think maybe after breakfast before lunch or something or the lunch break and you're exhausted cause you're getting up at 4am, you're not used to it.

So the first few days you're just a zombie. I was personally anyways. And so I was taking that midday nap and I just remember having this intensely vivid wet dream dream about Rihanna.  And I'm not even like super into Rihanna. She's gorgeous, of course, talented, great. But sexually, I never had a strong desire for her.

But in this dream, I was literally about to penetrate her. And then I woke up with the bell of the Vipassana. Literally, like about to put my cock in. And then it's dung, and I have to go back to meditate. I'm like, what?  And then I looked and I was like, wait a minute. And I actually had a wet dream.

I'd never had one in my entire life. That didn't happen to me as a kid. That was my first wet dream experience. It was a fucking strange time to actually happen. So it was super funny. And that's when I had this funny experience with the Vipassana romance, that same one that when you see somebody, the desire, blow up.

And that after that first Vipassana, I didn't get crazy benefits out of it. Like I did, but also I was just getting used to the practice. It was difficult for me to focus. I was still new in my recovery. So it wasn't like it just hit for me right away.  The thing that happened after was  I went down, I got back to Bali, I opened my shop, it was gaining some momentum, it was doing well.

About 3 4 months later we were the busiest tattoo shop in the city. So we got great word of mouth. I was out there in the community connecting to everybody. I was still practicing meditation 3 times a day. We're funding a school for mentally disabled Balinese kids.  It was a hit. That first shot was a hit. 

I went down to Uluwatu in the south, and it was my birthday actually, and I went to this yoga searcher. It was like a yoga spa type of space,  and I just saw this guy meditating by the fire, and he was in meditation position, and I'm like, damn, that guy can sit like a rock. He looked like he could fucking meditate.

He just looked like it, and just when I thought that, he opened his eyes and looked at me. He's what's up? I'm like, what's up? We just had this connection, and I was like, cool. And we got into the pool and later on he came up to me and he's Hey, what's up man? How's it going? We started talking and he's actually a Vipassana teacher and he turned out to be my business partner meditation Dave.

Cause he was like, Oh yeah, I teach Vipassana. I'm opening up a meditation center. And I was like, Oh cool. I just did a Vipassana. That's cool. I thought what he was building was something like, a little small meditation center, like something cute, and I'm opening up another business called Karma house and it's going to be a tattoo shop, the yoga studio and a restaurant in it.

And I'm thinking it's going to be this big deal. I have an inflated idea of what I'm doing and a minimized idea of what he's building, right? Fucking ego.  And we became buddies and he started teaching me Vipassana and he'd come up to Ubud and teach me meditation in my little rice paddy villa and having a practice partner or somebody that you can connect to on a different level, it was like we were brothers from past lives and we're pretty sure that's actually a thing now.

We are. We had a deep bond and we went to go do another Vipassana in New Zealand. That's the best center I've ever been to actually, the Kaukapa Kapa Center in New Zealand is dope. Best Vipassana center I've ever been to. And he's, yeah, he's an actual teacher of Vipassana. And it was amazing to hear from his point of view of the practice and how far he went.

And then also him relating to my life. He also grew up in a rough area in London. And the dude's a beast in business, like an absolute beast. He's the most successful friend I think I have, actually. And It was amazing to see just getting the practice through brotherhood and through friendship and going with a buddy to go do Vipassanas.

And after that we went to Nepal together, we've been to Sri Lanka, we've done a bunch of Vipassanas around the world. And it was amazing to have this brotherhood in practice and have to create your Sangha and having your spiritual community. That was something that I really saw was, When my meditation practice deepened, and he would teach Vipassanas, and he actually ends up owning the Astana, the luxury meditation retreat center in the south of Bali.

Have you been to Uluwatu? That Astana? Yeah. It's gorgeous, right? Yeah. It's an epic place, and when I first saw that, we'd already been friends with, for about six months. And then I saw that, he owned that, when I walked onto the property and saw this cliff front incredible property like this is a 10 million dollar space.

It's baller compared to what i'm building I thought my shit was cool. He didn't mention it once. He's oh, yeah building a meditation 

center So you saw someone who wasn't operating from a place of ego exactly even though they had something they could brag about They were 

humble. I was offended when I got on there.

I'm like, you were fucking hiding this from me? He's I never hide it. I was never hiding it. I told you I was building something. I'm like, but 

this? It it sounds like it brought a mirror to your face of Hey, look at the way you're operating in the world. You're still operating from a lot of years 

ago.

Dave is a strong mirror. Oh my God. I don't know. I've never had a stronger mirror than Dave ever. I was just like. This is what you're doing. Yeah. It's amazing to have friends like that. Really amazing to have friends like that. And that was something that  I would recommend for anybody wherever you are in your path, in your addiction, past the addiction, in your practice, whatever it is, it's have people around you that inspire you.

Oh my God. It's worth its weight in gold and have those. And if you can't find them around you, hunt them out. And at least listen to podcasts like this and find them online, get a coach, whatever it is. But having people that push you along in your spiritual practice is absolute gold. It changed my entire life.

There's no way I would have been able to do all I've done if I didn't have these positive influences in my spiritual practice. And it's crazy because right now I got sent back to Bali. Like I spent the last year in Vancouver. So I had my motorcycle accident, a year handicap, then I moved back to Vancouver to get some more surgeries.

This is recently, this is just like last year. And I was in Vancouver and I was just feeling yeah, cool, this is great, but I opened up some ego businesses. I was driving supercars, I was in Vancouver, feeling like a big shot, have some Instagram clout. When you're in the West, people like that.

And it fed my validation issues, and there's all these beautiful women around, and I was like, oh. Sticky. I'm feeling it. And I noticed it was like, oh shit. I looked at porn a few times and I looked at porn a few more times and I was like, when did porn become okay back in my life?  And it was cause I was living at my parents house for a little bit.

I wasn't I didn't live in Vancouver for seven years. So I didn't go and buy an apartment before I rented one. I wasn't exactly bringing girls over to my parents house. And it was just like addiction right there. I could see it. They didn't have the right outlet. So I found a spiritual community as soon as I was out there and started building it in and getting that sangha in my life.

And that's exactly that hole needed to be fixed. And I really saw having a spiritual connection is like the antidote to the ego, addictive, compulsive behavior. Like I need that spiritual connection. It's something that keeps us grounded. Oh my God. Yeah, exactly. It's so important. 

And accountable too, because I think in the absence of a spiritual community and absence of spirit, spiritual friends, it's so easy to. 

Just, get away with things and say ah, it's not that big of a deal because nobody's going to know that I'm watching porn. But when you're committing to going to a sangha once a week and you're like committing to these ethical practices and ethical precepts and saying no, I'm going to, not practice, sexual misconduct in these things.

You can't ignore the fact that you're acting against those. You could, but it'd feel weird. Yeah, it would feel wrong. 

It feels much worse than if you're not saying I'm going to, I'm going to draw a line in the sand. It's also like this. I find, going to a spiritual practice or committing to yourself practice, having spiritual friends is it's just good energetic hygiene as well as emotional, mental, physical.

It's just good for you, but it's when you go to the gym and you're having a regular gym practice and you say, if you just had a great workout, you don't really want to go get lit or eat a burger. You'd rather have the chicken salad. Yeah. Like you just feel good and you don't want to fuck up the good.

Yeah. Like you're already feeling good. Yeah. So I found that really clearly if I'm going to a, I'm staying in the light and I'm around positive spiritual people, I don't really want to go party or look at porn. Like I just feel good. I have the advert the inertia of doing good shit. Yeah.

And it's weird cause like if I got injured in the gym, I eat worse cause I'm not training right now. And it's I, I should be eating better. But what's up with our mind in that when we're not so connected to the good, the light, the positive habits, it's so easy to. 

To fray and make worse judgment. 

It's a downward spiral. But the same thing that you're saying it can also be an upward spiral. 

Exactly. Exactly. So 

 

I call it with my clients staying primed consistently staying primed to be in that upward cycle So you're having all these little key small interactions and markers that are keeping you in an elevated emotional and mental space So listening to the right books waking up at the right time having the right people in your life having the right mentors having the right Coaches having the right like trainers or training partners and then having the right spiritual community and all of these little things are like peppering your life to keep you in an elevated state.

So it's much harder to then go into the craving bitchy like type of addictive compulsive behavior  

and, 'cause it's almost 

like a, the little floaty things we used to wear as kids. Yes. It's almost like you're like putting a bunch of floaties Yeah. On your body. Exactly. And just saying, yeah.

Yeah. Like I've got. 12 floaties on, there's no way I'm going to sink. Exactly. 

They're all like lifestyle resources, right? And that, then when I stay in that prime state, I make better decisions. When I stack the better decisions, I have better weeks, better months, and then I'll do better financially and I'll do better mentally and emotionally and just better things will come into my life.

But when I start knocking some of those floaties away, it's Oh turbulent and letting more water and we're sinking a little bit more. However, this analogy wants to work. It you get the picture. It's super important to have these things around us that keep us  feeling good in the right way.

Otherwise we want to feel good. What are the 

first steps? Let's say somebody is listening to this and they, They feel like they haven't peppered in these things to keep them primed. They don't have a healthy morning routine. They're not around the right people And let's say they are acting out with porn or whatever addiction is going on  What does somebody do in that state?

Yeah. Yeah. I think the first thing is the path to enter into any transformation is through the body first, in the sense, like that's why yoga was created as it's a pathway, a technology to meditate. We hold so much impurities mentally and physically, everything's it's in our body. Our body is the vessel, our thoughts, everything into trauma, everything's in the body.

So take caring of your body first, clean your house,  take care of your temple. So firstly, having a consistent physical practice. This is going to help you get rid of a lot of this like depression because inside of our muscles, actually there, there is actual stored antidepressants. The chemicals of the antidepressants are actually inside of us already.

So if you lift some weights or you move your body you're actually releasing these antidepressants naturally. So you don't need all this other shit. No wonder you feel good after you work out. So it's take care of your body first, have a consistent physical practice. With that, you're going to build integrity with yourself so you can start feeling good that you're like, I said, I was going to do a thing.

And I did the thing. Now, someone like me, I work out much better with friends than I do by myself. Cause I'll just get ideas and I'll start actioning them. I'm running a bunch of businesses. I'm like, I fucking can't be trusted. I just know that I need to work out in a group with a trainer. I do work out alone all the time.

I did today, but when I'm in a group, I work out twice as hard. I get fired up. So also know yourself. So find community that you can work in. Exactly. So positive community. Yes. Take care of your body. But. Find community. It's super important. So I like to look at a lifestyle audit. So like firstly, it would be a lifestyle audit of am I eating correctly?

Am I being physical? Am I taking time around myself? What habits can I get out of the way? What am I gonna be able to get out of my life that's clearly  And for me, it was drugs and alcohol. It was just like I look at much more porn and eat shittier when I'm smoking pot and drinking and just consistently putting toxins in my body that are adding to my addictive behaviors.

It's this isn't helping that. I 

find it so funny when people want to give up watching porn, but then they're not willing to look at their drinking problem or their eating habits. 

Yeah. Yeah. And that's the other thing. Okay. Lifestyle audit as well as yeah, your sensorial input audit. Do you have a bunch of only fans of girls on your, right?

Are you consistently being like advertised  for debauchery to these girls and what they do? It's so addictive. It's crazy. Like I'm seeing stuff on the internet that's I don't even know that existed or like girls doing sexy things that I'm like, how is that even okay? And it's 

not even on porn.

It's like on 

Instagram. It's coming up on the feed, right? And I'm like, that's absurd, and so it's that stuff's gotta go. Yeah, so unfollow religiously. Get it out of your field and then put the things in your field that are gonna keep you primed 

Follow the inspirational people.

Follow the things that motivate you. Like 

Ink Prey Love. Yeah.  That's my Instagram. Little plug. Yeah, shameless plug. No, really the audit. So I really had to go and look at what's making me better. What's making me worse. And being 

Ruthlessly self critical and saying.

Hey, I can't be in denial about this 

anymore. Yeah, exactly. So that's like the number one thing I would say would be, yeah, okay, for, yeah, take care of your body, but I guess before taking care of your body is the cull. What can you cut out of your life? The audit. Yeah, the audit. What can you get out of your life?

What do you need to keep into your life? Great. And then Transformation comes in routine and physicality, just start with your body because that's something that you can instantly feel good from. You're going to get some results and you're consistent with that. And then spiritual community, having the right people around you that could inspire you.

And then for me, what personally, cause I'm quite like a doer Aries, like I want to get shit done. I'm ambitious if I'm ambitious in the right direction. Direction and I feel like I'm winning a game. I'm playing I'm happier. Yeah, 

I need that So find things that actually make you happy and fill you up so that you're not enticed to you don't need to act out You're too 

busy for this shit and that's what's super and you're feeling fulfilled.

Yes, exactly So I get a project going, you know something that you could be even if say you're nine to five, dude That's great. Totally. Okay, but can you have a side project that you'd be excited about? Yeah Bonus points if it's a side project that helps people. So if you're helping with a community, you're building a church or something or you're you know you're handing out sandwiches, whatever it is, man But if you're doing something that's a project that you're helping create that helps you connect to other people that helps you help other people See all the lines there that it boxes you're ticking There's dopamine serotonin and purpose and value to your life and status in the community and connection It's like ding.

So if you want to win at life right there, that's going to really help So if you have a project, a goal you're working on it doesn't matter what it is. You find your purpose in what you're doing.  I thought the purpose of my life when I was 12 was to be a firefighter or something, it's like it didn't work out that way.

, I got a license suspension when I was 18 for driving hungover, and the cop really handed it to me on that one. Gave me a suspension when I didn't, I was hung over, but I blew 0.001 and and I was crying to this cop. I was 18 years old and I was like, please, like I had a speeding ticket, but there was a bottle in the backseat from a party I went to the night before.

So he is have you been drinking? I'm like, no, I'm gonna work. It's 8:00 AM. He's breathalyze you. There's an open bottle. I'm like, I get it. I was just going to work. And I blew 0. 001  And he gave me a ticket. He's you can't have zero alcohol in your system because you're 18 And I was like, come on, man.

If I get this, I can't be a firefighter I'm taking the firefighting. I'm the paramedic courses right now Like i'm I want to be a firefighter since I was a kid and this will disqualify that and the cop said you should have thought about it before you did this And I was like, no, please like I can't be a firefighter if you give me this ticket.

He's So I became a drug dealer instead. The 

universe has an interesting way of teaching you lessons, I think. Fuck the police. 

No, I'm just kidding. The whole thing was I needed to learn that, of course, right? And I'm happy I didn't become a firefighter. God bless them. I've always wanted to, but I can affect more people.

I can do it. I can do more in the stage of life. I'm at now. 

And exactly. It's if you hadn't had that experience, you wouldn't have gone through all the things to be now, affecting 

people. Yeah, exactly. So it's just funny how things work out. But anyways, your purpose changes. That was a round story for I thought my purpose was one thing, but actually I created so much purpose out of anywhere I've gone and anything I've done just because I knew I was doing some good.

Yeah. It doesn't matter what you do, as long as you're doing something that, that adds value to the room you're in and the community you're around. That's purpose. That wins. Just like what you're doing. You're adding so much value to all these guys listening. Like that's purpose. You probably never thought this was going to be your gig, right?

No,  I've told this many times on the podcast, but  from the day that I broke free from porn, like my own recovery, going to India and the pasta and all this stuff and. Kicked porn out of my life. It took me six years before I could tell a single person that I even had ever watched porn because I had so much shame around it.

And so I never ever thought that I would be publicly talking about how I, have been addicted to porn and this kind of stuff. So yeah, it's wild what purpose can The strength it can give you when you realize you're being of 

service to people.  A hundred percent. I was thinking about that like the other day when I was like, Oh yeah, I got this looking at my schedule.

And I remembered I had this podcast with you and I was like, It takes balls, man, like that takes courage and I respect you for that to because of the potential gain You have to help people is massive. But yeah, but you had to get over your ego first. Yeah, Oh shit, people are gonna know that I was beating off a lot  

But that's the crazy thing is like the more that I've done this I realized that It is so freaking common that it's not, it doesn't make I realized now that I can tell anyone and they're just like, Oh yeah, I watch porn too.

Yeah. No, men and women. 

Yeah. Yeah. This girl I was dating not long ago was like, yeah, maybe twice a day cause she worked from home.  

And that's the thing. Women can get addicted to it as well. And it can, I mean I was just talking about this on the last podcast with my last guest who is a shame researcher and looks at how kids are impacted and this is impacting young boys and young girls in ways we can't even imagine.

Imagine a 10 year old boy or 10 year old girl logging onto Pornhub now and seeing what's on the front page and they're watching BDSM, choking, slapping, and thinking that's healthy intimacy.  It's just wild what kind of ramifications 

we're going to have. I'm like, yo, I don't have a Mandingo. I suck.

What's a Mandingo? The biggest black dick. Oh, okay. 

The big ones. Like a fucking yeah. A foot and a half or something. I've seen a few of those in my days. Let's Yeah, go ahead. Let's dive in because I actually, really want to talk to you about this kind of like the intimacy, sexuality stuff.

And so I'm just curious, what are you learning in your life now about intimacy that you wish you had learned a decade ago? Presence. 

Without a doubt. Yeah. Man. So I started studying Tantra when I started my spiritual journey here in Bali, and I figured it was a new way to relate. And Tantra for everybody is just, it's just how you relate to everything around you in life.

It is your relationship to you and all the other things in life. It doesn't just encompass sex. Sex is a small part of Tantra. Tantra is how I'm sipping this water, or how I enjoyed this coffee, or how I'm enjoying this chair, how I'm relating to the skin that's on me and the air that's around it.

It's yeah, okay. What's your position with everything in and around you? But then for sex, it's great because it's not so goal oriented. And this is something I still need to consistently remember, but when you tune into your breath, and you tune into presence, and you tune into it not being goal oriented, and just enjoying the here and the now, sex got way better.

And I thought, this is great, okay.  This tantra is great. And there's really these beautiful flowy tantric goddess women that I wanted to connect with. Again, just like yoga. I was like I like these girls now. I want to be this spiritual guy now. I want the hot spiritual tantra teacher girlfriend.

I did that. It turned out really bad.  Another story. But the whole thing was great. It needed to be explored for me and I'm really grateful I did because I learned so much about sex and spirituality and sensuality  and how unfulfilling the type of sex I was having before was because it was just like,  it was like recreating porn.

It was literally, I was about to say that, I was like, can I get the cum shot? Can I get her to be okay with me cumming on her face? And it had to happen.  I Yeah, but that's not even as good as like a dual orgasm that's a full body tantric orgasm that's been building up for, much longer and that is dual climactic and it's just this like deep presence of eye gazing while you're having it.

That's a communion with God, which sex is a vehicle for. Side note, super dope book, the Kabbalah on sex. It's really hard to find. You probably have to get a used version on Amazon, but I just read it recently. And and one of my coaches recommended it to me. He was talking about storing sexual energy and I was just like, this is a book about storing sexual energy and how powerful it is and it's about, you can waste it on porn that you'll love this book actually.

It's really amazing research for what you're doing. It's an OG classic. And how.  The Garden of Eden and that whole story is actually a metaphor for the universe and how we were created and how sex is created and how actually all of this, what this really is. It's quite metaphysical. Trippy.  And so learning more about what sex actually is a vehicle to connect and create rather than, of course, it's a pleasure vehicle, but how important our semen is, how semen retention is quite powerful.

I'm not saying I'm the best at it, I'm a guy who likes to bust nuts, what do you want from me? But it's important to be able to see when you choose that, and you choose to have more conscious and connected and deep sex. It changed. The quality of women I had around me, which was really cool.

And I always had special women. And maybe when I was a drug dealer, it was a bit more raunchy. But the, and ratchet, but the girls that I dated were quality humans. But when I got into a more conscious community and wanting to connect on a deeper level, rather than it just be like drunken sex and, MDMA and, just boning the interactions were better. 

I didn't have the level of like weird crazy fights that I'd have like in relationships. Everything was softer and more conscious. And I was actually stayed friends with any girl that I'd been with. Even if it was like there wasn't these bad breakups or anything like that anymore. It was just a softer, sweeter, connected communication.

And that was like, Oh wow, there's a different way of relating out here. It doesn't need to be like a fuck you type of, X type of situation. It was sweet.  

I'm curious for the listener who's out there who isn't in Bali, and they're not coming to around all this. They're not around all this.

They don't have access to your weekend Tantra intro workshops. Who's maybe living in a big city in the U. S. And they have a partner and they just they want to stop watching porn. They want to be a better partner They want to be a better lover What advice would you give to those 

people?

Oh, man, there's so many resources online as well to start studying tantra we'd put out a course on yogi lab one of our personal development businesses and it was introduction to tantra I'm, not sure if it's still up there. It's a few years ago But it was quite helpful is exactly to be able to connect deeper with your partner I would and there's so many other Platforms out there where you could have like tantra date night And you could study together.

And I actually had a this is a funny story, like a little mini one. I did a Vipassana and I was in New Zealand and I came back as a course manager or actually I was just in the kitchen, but the course manager in this one he was this guy in Spain and heard about it. I was like, yeah, I'm Bali.

And he, Tantra came up in the conversation when we're actually allowed to talk and you're cooking, you can shoot the shit.  And I was telling him about Tantra and he really wanted to try it with his girlfriend. And at this point, I had just came out of a relationship. I dated a Tantra teacher for a year, so I got a lot of information.

And I found out which practices I really liked and which ones didn't. And I wrote them down for him in a little, like a little playbook to have the best Tantric practice. Day, like best tactic kind of pregame a a warm up before sex And it was a few different practices that really were good that worked and I made him an outline for it And so I emailed it to him and he was super and he was such a sweet guy He was a school teacher, you know in spain like super sweet kind human course manager So he's a soft kind amazing human and then when he messaged me back and he was like, oh my god, bro Like it was like this amazing  experience for him.

Yeah. If you guys want it, message me on Instagram. I'll copy and paste. I'll send it to 

you. A little photo of the napkin you wrote it on. 

Yeah. Yeah. No, I emailed it to him. I wrote it in my notes on my phone and I sent it to him and I feel like just doing these practices together. And if you're starting with your girlfriend and you're like,  look, you want to try sex in a different way.

This just doesn't just want to be what it used to be and like how porn is influencing it. And when you make any moment special and you start really getting into the present moment and really tapping into your breath and really just being here and then relating that to intimacy and you're slowing down each moment.

Actually, the sensations skyrocket, just like the subtleness of your breath when you're on day four or five of the vipassana, that breath is like,  it's like,  the little point that you're focusing on is so much smaller. It's just like that when you slow down sex and you're like, look I'm really focusing on this touch.

Yeah. 

I think what's hard, for so many guys out there, sex is such a disembodied thing. experience because it's just a mental kind of, one of the things that we talk about a lot on this podcast is for guys who are addicted to porn, sex is almost you're closing your eyes and just thinking about the last porn scene you watch while you're having sex and it's, you're not actually in your body.

And I think the key takeaway for people listening to this is Tantra doesn't have to be some  crazy hippie spiritual thing. It can just be like how to be more present with 

your partner. It's a technology. It's just a technology to relate to what you're doing better and relate deeper. Now,  That book, The Kabbalah on Sex the whole thing is receiving in order to share.

That's like the key of everything we do in life. So you're not receiving. And this is what I was doing. I was a greedy fuck. I just wanted money and power and status. I was receiving in order just to receive in greed. But then when I started receiving in order to share and I wanted to build businesses that had karmic impacts, my life got better.

Instantly everything got better. Things were cooler, like magically cooler right away. And the same things with sex. If you're receiving pleasure in order to share pleasure, so you're there for her. Or him or whatever you're into and you're there and you're there to create a connective moment to create an experience for them to receive more pleasure It changes things.

Yeah, and that's what that whole book the point of that whole book was share Was to receive in order to share in everything you do in life, right? I was like, that's a dope concept because I was like i've been thinking about that You know a lot the secret to living is giving of course I want to be my purpose in my life is I wanted to share with people.

Yeah, great cool But then when you think of it in every single  section in your life and even sex. So I want to have the sexual interaction coming up so I can provide an amazing experience and really be there for them and caring for them and touching for them with thinking about them. It's not so directed into your porn showreel.

It's actually how can I just make this amazing for them? It becomes amazing for you. Yeah, and that was one of the game changers. I found it being a great lover. I'm tuning my own horn there. I just mean what I've the reviews on Google,  too many to name, but the part of it was and I would say the best feedback I ever got, not, I'm not doing my own horn here.

I just mean the consistent thing that I'd hear that women would be partners would be a better fit.  Appreciative of, was. the presence that I bring in and the touch. So I would really put more focus into how I think this touch would feel. And then I would tap into how I think that would feel for them.

So I've become an empath in it. So how'd this feel for me if I was them?  And as I was doing that and I'd be, touching them in a way that I would like to be touched essentially, just in a way that I felt was slowing things down and that was becoming a lot more present and it was more in, in focus of how this would feel for her and then becoming in tune with The responses and cues she was giving me of pleasure cues.

So little moans, 

right? So being less receptive and less selfish and more service oriented exactly 

But being ultra receptive and perceptive sorry of how this was affecting So you're looking at the little cues of the little quivers the little moans or the little movements. Oh, that's working Oh, that's the spot or oh that I didn't get the it's almost 

it's surprising because this is so obvious common sense of Hey Check out how this is impacting your partner, but it does need some reminding.

Totally. I want to ask you What do you wish more men knew about porn? 

Oh, the psychological effects and the reason why it's so addictive and what they're doing to us and why this is becoming such a deep thing. It can get kind of conspiracy theory esque, why this is like we're being poisoned mentally, we're becoming weak humans and the port industry is being made for pretty nefarious reasons.

Obviously there's a lot of money in it and there's some fucked up things they're doing like trafficking and crazy shit that this is actually.  the effects of what it's doing to the world is really bad. We're supporting a pretty evil thing that's happening here, right? We're ruining many lives having a wank, but we don't think it.

And so I think that's Because 

we're disconnected from the ramifications. A hundred percent. You're just We 

don't see it. It's just a little pleasure box. Yeah. But we have no idea, actually, that the tail end effects of karmically of what that's doing is quite bad. But  Also, what that's doing to us.

And I think the thing that really clicked for me, again, selfish prick, why I didn't want to look at porn anymore, I was like, oh, this is fucking up my ability to focus. It's fucking up my discipline and attention. So what that's doing for me is bad. Yeah.  Kids in Africa or some shit. You know how there's people that don't really connect with the long adverse effects of like why you're buying your new iPhone and what that's doing to kids in Africa.

You're like, Oh, that's not happening here. So I get it. When you're looking at porn, you're like they chose to do this. Fair enough. Okay. I understand. So then again, my selfish way of coming into a yoga class was like nice butts. So it's fuck it, whatever works for you. So if this is going to work for you.

Whatever gets you in the door. Thank you. Yeah. 

Yeah. So for the tailback for me of okay, looking at porn this is a net fucking L. You're taking the L here, looking at this because A, you're wasting your time. B, you could be focusing on improving your life. C, you're not, your attention and focus is being deterred.

You're actually becoming dumber while you're doing this. This is affecting your brain chemistry in a negative way. It's literally making you dumber. Okay, D, it's making you worse at connecting with actual women. Like you don't need them. You don't have the same hunt that you want to actually connect and be present.

You're like, oh, I'll just look at porn. I don't need you, right? And so it's just like making it worse at sex because then you're thinking this stuff is cool. There's so many We need a list of that but in order of selfish priority so you can see like what how this affects me right away Then you'll actually change right?

So I feel like that needs to be i'm sure you have so many things I'd love to hear your list of what it does because I just rattled off the top of my head Yeah, but you have concrete evidence. 

I'm sure but the thing is it's like you said There's a whole you can have a whole list You could have a list of a hundred things and I think finding the one that resonates with you and for so many guys You In the beginning, like you say, it might not be, Oh, this is related to sex trafficking and I want to be a hero for these women who are being sex trafficked.

It can just be, I'm wasting so much time and my mind is becoming a slave to this thing where I can't focus on things that are important to me and I want to free my mind. That can be the starting point.  

What would you say to guys that are like, yo, I just jerk off at night at the end of the day 10 PM, I'm going to sleep have a wink before bed.

It's not so bad.  

it's funny how common, that for guys that are unconscious, guys that are not awake to the ramifications, the effects, they don't realize what it's doing to them. But  especially if you're doing it once every three months, I would say, you know what, keep going.

If you don't think it's a big issue, once every three months, if you're doing it on any kind of regular basis, the subtle effects that it's having on your life. are so profound in terms of how it's impacting your intimacy, your relationships, your dopamine system, your ability to focus, your ability to take joy in simple pleasures.

There's so many ways it's having a subtle effect on your life that you're not seeing that at the very least, what I would say is try quitting for 30 days and see how it feels. 

This is good. Yeah, this is good. I like this one because  I feel like we're in a world right now where it's way harder to be happy.

In the sense that we're being bombarded.  Bombarded by things that are fucking our life up in subtle ways. So it's a bunch of subtle things stacked Yeah, right poor food pollution like noise pollution media pollution  It's like unlimited access to cheap dopamine in every way. Yeah, like 

sex food.

distraction Netflix Validation, so we're 

stacking these All on top of each other, a comparison. We're spiritually 

poor. That's what's going on. Our spiritual health is at the, the lowest it's ever been. So what 

would you say, okay, I want to be spiritually healthy starting tomorrow. What's your go to?

What do you tell people? This interview has changed. This has changed, 

yeah. I was like, fuck, I wasn't ready for this. I think,  similar to you, I do think starting with the body, but I think You know, in Buddhism, there's the eightfold path. There's like these eight things that they're all interconnected and they all help you live a more wholesome, fulfilling life.

And right view is a really important one, like the right understanding of the way the world works. And so for me, getting connected with inspiring people.  like reading books of spiritual people who you really admire is so important. Like you had this experience of watching eat, pray, love, and you're like, I don't know what it is, but there's something there that I want. 

And almost everyone has to have some kind of experience of seeing something and saying, I don't know what that person has, but I want it. They have  something about the way that they're living that is, Is beautiful is admirable and the buddha had this as well. The are you familiar with the four heavenly messengers?

Yeah, so he like he was living as this prince and he saw the sick person. He saw the old person He saw the dying person and he was like does this happen to everyone? And you know his charioteer was like, yes Everyone goes to these things and then he saw this ascetic the monk and he's like I want some of that and that's when he left his princehood and I really think that You Getting connected with people you admire spiritually is a really important step.

Yeah. In community, finding community, finding, like you said, getting around the right people is so important. A hundred 

percent. Yeah. Yeah, that's exactly it. Yeah. That was a big game changer for me was to be around people that I spiritually was like, oh, okay. Yeah. We're on different levels and I like where you're at.

Yeah, and you can 

sense the happiness of these people, like the genuine being, the genuine fulfillment of these people, and they're not living a life of ego and trying to prove themselves. They're just 

happy. Dude, you, in June, my guru from India is coming. Confirmed this. So he's going to do like a workshop.

You got to come to it. You're going to love him He gave me such a powerful lesson and I did a yoga teacher training at his place I met him at a bhajana buddhism conference in  bhutan like a random place I don't know how I ended up at and I still was like drug dealer earrings at this point in my recovery I was trying everything we're shooting the documentary the one I told you about so we're shooting this documentary and it  We ended up in this bhutanese bhajana buddhism conference and It was just a bunch of monks talking about the ins and outs of Buddhism.

It was super fucking boring.  And then this guru, Indian guru, comes up, white beard, white robes, looks like he can fly. And he leads everybody through a laughing meditation. And it was lit. Everybody was crying, laughing. The monks, the fat monks, skinny monks, Thai monks, forest monks, everybody's dying.

dying laughing. It was the best part of the whole thing. Wow. And I locked onto him. I'm like, this guy, I need him in my life. And I connected with him and he was Punjabi. I'm Punjabi, but he lives in the middle of nowhere in India. He's come to my ashram. Like when a guru asks you to go to his ashram, you just go, right?

Obviously you don't get that invitation all the time. You got to go. And I connected with him, short story. I was there at the ashram, rock up on my India journey. And he needed one day somebody to help him go buy vegetables. Cause it was a holiday and all the staff were off, but we still needed to make.

Food for everybody. So he was like, who's coming with me to the to the vegetable market. And I'm like, obviously me, like I will kick anyone's ass. I'm going with him. Like I wanted to, I wanted that trip with him alone. So I really,  he picked me up. I'm like, fuck yeah. And so we go outside and we go into his car.

I'm like, guru has a car and he's a little white Nissan micro, like a little complex yeah, how else were we gonna get there? I just didn't expect a guru. He was gonna fly you there in his magic carpet. Yeah, right? I'm like, a fucking car? Okay. We're driving there, and I'm just watching him drive, and he's changing lanes.

I'm like, what the fuck? He just shoulder checked. I'm like, guru just shoulder checked. This is crazy. It was blowing my mind. We get to this market, and there's 10, 000 people in this crazy Indian market. It was nuts. It was just Ducks and dogs and chickens and goats and cows and just chaos and everyone's bargaining and yelling at each other I'm trying not to step in shit and just like it's a crazy place, but also very cool And the way he just floated through it was amazing and I was like, whoa Like he's very different than everything else happening here.

He is serene I was like, how do you maintain that presence? And he's like love  I was like, okay So he's bargaining with love, he's bargaining for this, bargaining for that with love. Everything he did was just on a different vibration than anybody else. And he's his love energy was like, like he was just powerful.

And that really opened up a door for me. And that's when I knew living from the heart is a different ballpark. That's a different game I want to play. And I didn't never thought of that before. And so every other interaction I'd have is more selfish and egoic based and just get shit done and make money, blah, blah, blah.

And it wasn't filling. Exactly. But now for me to be in a space of wanting to be in my heart deeper and love deeper, it changed everything and we don't talk about that. That didn't come. I never learned about that in the dope game. So it's like, how do we actually just be more loving humans and live from the heart and soften?

That's a practice that I'm like continuously wanting to walk down because it has huge ROI on it for my mental health, for people light of just wanting to be around me and just everything around me that, Love is the answer. Love is the key. The spiritual path is a direct path to amplify the amount of love that you have to give and the ability you have to share it. 

That's dope. And just your own direct experience of life is so much more beautiful. Totally. Yeah. Man, this is a beautiful place to stop. A beautiful interview. I'm really glad we got you on. And I think we're going to have you back on for a second show. No, I'd 

love to. I'm like, oh, there's so much to jam on and I'm sorry if it was a bit scattered.

That's so it's an exciting topic. I had so much I'd wanted to share and I had a really strong coffee just now. Yeah. Ha.  

There's a lot of rabbit holes we can go down 

Caffeine is not like a it's a focus tool, but it also can scatter you a little I have ideas  Thanks everybody, I hope you got some value out of it and if you want that Tantra practice, just message me on 

Instagram. I'll send it to you. One of those rabbit holes was the tantra sheet. I'm 

happy to send you that.

Go to the go to practice. That is a good pregame. Yeah, it's great. 

So on that note, where can people get in touch 

with you and get the tantra practice? Ink underscore pray, underscore love. That's my Instagram. You can check out me on my website, www. arambaya. com. You can message me on Instagram.

I love replying to my DMs. You got questions or interested in coaching, life coaching business development. Bali stuff, whatever it is, holler, I'm happy to connect.  

Awesome. Thanks, man. All right, folks. That's it for today. Thanks for tuning into another episode of Unhooked. We'll catch you on the next episode.