82. Alex Grendi - The Sex Coach Helping Men Overcome Performance Anxiety, Erectile Dysfunction, and Premature Ejaculation

Join me in exploring crucial topics around sexual wellness with men's sex coach Alex Grendi, as we dive into overcoming performance anxiety, the impacts of pornography, and enhancing intimacy. Discover practical advice for improving sexual relationships and the importance of seeking help. Get ready for an eye-opening discussion that will change your perspective on sexual well-being and intimacy dynamics.

Alex Grendi is a sex coach who specializes in helping Men overcome Premature Ejaculation and Erectile Dysfunction so they can expand their pleasure for themselves and their partners, deepen their connection to their partners, and experience more love. His philosophy of coaching combines ancient methods, practical exercises, a simple step by step process, and the support of a community of men who are on the exact same journey.

For more info about Alex, visit his social media here:
https://www.instagram.com/alex.grendi

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ABOUT JEREMY LIPKOWITZ, HOST OF UNHOOKED
Jeremy overcame addiction, shame, self-judgement, and depression in his early twenties with the help of mindfulness meditation. Mindfulness not only helped him let go of destructive behaviors, it also allowed him to connect with deeper meaning and purpose in his life.

For the past 10 years Jeremy has been teaching mindfulness and emotional intelligence practices at universities, recovery centers, and companies throughout Asia and the US. He holds a Bachelors and Master’s degree in Genetics and Genomics, and spent several years at Duke University working towards a PhD in Genetics & Systems Biology before he turned full-time to teaching mindfulness.

Jeremy is also an ICF certified Executive Coach. As a former scientist and academic, Jeremy has a great passion for bringing his EI based coaching skills into the corporate and professional world. He realizes how powerful & transformative these practices can be for skeptics and senior-level managers. He is known for his calm and grounded demeanor, his expertise in habits and high-performance, and his compassionate approach to transformation.

Coaching Certifications

* CPCC, Co-Active Training Institute
* ICF Member
* ACC International Coaching Federation

Jeremy is a Certified Teacher with the Search Inside Yourself Leadership Institute, a mindfulness-based emotional intelligence program initially developed at Google. He also spent time living and training as a fully-ordained Buddhist monk in Myanmar. He now combines his science-based expertise with a hunger for personal development to help others discipline their minds and achieve genuine inner- peace and fulfillment.   

Transcript

 My guest today is Alex  Alex is a sex coach who specializes in helping men overcome premature ejaculation and erectile dysfunction. So they can expand. And their pleasure for themselves and their partners. Deepen their connection to their partners and experience more. Love. His philosophy of coaching combines, ancient methods, practical exercises, a. A simple step-by-step process and the support of a community of men who are on the exact. The same journey. 

In this combo, we talk about what premature ejaculation and erectile dysfunction are and how to overcome them. How to deal with performance, anxiety. What the orgasm gap is and why you should care about it and much, much more. I really loved this conversation. Similar to porn addiction topics like premature ejaculation and erectile dysfunction don't get discussed as they can be sensitive and shameful topics for people to open up about. 

But in today's combo, we dive right in.  So without further ado, please enjoy this combo with Alex. Grinty.  





Alright, ladies and gentlemen, welcome to another episode of Unhooked. 

I'm your host, Jeremy Lipkowitz, and I'm joined today by Alex Grendy, Alex, welcome to the show. Thank you for having me. So a little backstory for those of you who are listening, I have been hearing about Alex's name just kind of like nonstop for the past year. Every time I talked to somebody new about what I do,  the amount of times somebody has said, you've got to get connected with Alex, I can't even count anymore.

So Alex, for the listeners out there who aren't familiar with your work, why don't you give them just a brief introduction about what do you do and who do you help? Sure.  My name is Alex Grundy, and I'm a men's sex coach, and I focus on helping men overcome performance anxiety in the bedroom in the form of premature ejaculation and erectile dysfunction. 

So, I run a group program helping men, yeah, overcome those issues. 

  📍 

So let's start with just some of the basics. 

What is? premature ejaculation, and what is erectile dysfunction? 

So premature ejaculation has a lot of different definitions. There's like medical definitions, and to be honest, it's kind of confusing. They change it all the time, whether it's, you know, ejaculating within one minute or two minutes of vaginal penetration.

It's kind of all over the place. Um, but as a sex educator, The way that I look at it is whenever you're ejaculating before you intend to. So you're really losing control in the moment, you know, whether it's feeling good or you're feeling fear. And there comes a point during sex where you're feeling like, Oh no, Oh no, I'm going to ejaculate.

And then it happens to me. That's what it means to have premature ejaculation. And if that's consistent.  I like that kind of loosening up of the definition. It's similar to the addiction space. You know, there's some people out there that say addiction has to be this very specific defined thing. And the way I approach it is, you know, is there, is there some habit that you have that's harming your life more than it's benefiting your life?

And so it sounds like with kind of this premature ejaculation, it's just, are there times where you ejaculate when you don't want to?  It will, for the more extreme cases and the men that I'm working with, it's happening really before they don't want to, you know, within one minute or less or two minutes, you know, it's not the case that men are coming to me where, Oh, I lasted 15 minutes, but I still, you know, went before I wanted to.

It's those more extreme cases where guys are like, I've had this my whole life. Every single time I have sex, it's over before it even starts. Yeah. Yeah. So it's kind of a spectrum, but it's when it does get a bit more severe or more regular and when it becomes a real issue for intimacy, that's when people start looking for help and getting support with it.

Yeah. And worrying about it, right? Is it affecting their mental health? Is it affecting their confidence? Is it affecting their relationships with women? You know, there are men who don't even care, you know, they don't even think about it. They're like, Oh, I'll just go again in, you know, 20 minutes and then I'm better.

And they don't even really.  Look at it as a problem. I like, Oh, this is like part of my process and the way I have sex with my partner, which is fine. You know, if that works for you, but for the guys who really, you know, suffer and they, they obsess over it and they think of how,  you know, not good enough they are or how they're not satisfying their partner, then it can spiral out of control.

And I imagine this relates to performance anxiety and kind of feeding into some performance anxiety issues. Yeah, exactly. It's all centered around performance anxiety. You know, the fear of not being able to satisfy your partner, the fear of being embarrassed and in shame, the fear of what happens if you can't perform in the bedroom, then no woman is going to want to be with you. 

And that can be quite crippling. Oh yeah. Yeah. Not, I imagine. I know it can be crippling. That feeling of, you know, am I going to be able to perform? Am I going to?  Am I going to kind of  be able to meet this person's needs? Are they going to think I'm not man enough or all the different things that can go through the mind?

Exactly. And that particularly comes up for men when they start to want to be serious with someone, right? When you're sleeping around and having fun. Maybe you don't really care, but then, and maybe it's not even an issue, because you're not worried about, you know, what's going to happen. But as soon as you meet someone you really care about, you really, you know, now something's on the line, then this fear can really creep in, and that's when it matters the most.

Yeah. Let's get back to definition. So what is then erectile dysfunction? It's the inability to maintain an erection for sufficient enough for, you know, sexual activity, vaginal penetration. Okay. So when somebody says like, I can't get it up or I can't keep it up, that's kind of what we're talking about.

Exactly. That literally can't get hard enough to insert and have vaginal penetration. And who does this primarily affect? Like, is there a certain type of demographic or does it affect everyone? I mean, performance anxiety in general, you know, premature ejaculation especially is like completely across the entire board.

Like it doesn't matter what age, what demographic it's just consistent. Erectile dysfunction obviously kind of goes up as you get older. Um, so men in their fifties, sixties, seventies can start to experience it more depending on their health. Um, but that's, you know, considered a natural progression as your testosterone lowers that and various other things as you age, your erections start to get weaker and weaker, but it doesn't have to be that way.

Yeah. Yeah.  I'm curious whenever I bring somebody on the show and they're an expert in some particular topic, I'm always curious what it is that happened in their life that got them interested in that topic. And I'm curious what. What is your origin story in this, like why is this an important topic for you?

Yeah, uh, so  the long story short is that 

I grew up in a family where my parents talked openly about having sex. My dad in particular was like very proud that he was a parent in the neighborhood that still was intimate with his wife, you know, and he would kind of share that others weren't. And that was  not a good thing, you know, and, and kind of the importance of sex in a relationship was really ingrained in me at a young age.

Whether that was appropriate or not is another question, but that's what I experienced. You know, I knew my parents had sex. I knew that was important for a relationship. Um, so for me growing up, It was easy to talk about sex. I was kind of like a little sex educator in school, you know. You were the cool kid with your friends, like, yeah, I know what sex is.

Yeah, kind of, you know, and I had my brother who was five years older than me, so he was learning stuff and teaching me. Um, so yeah, I would come into school and like teach the girls what like a blowjob was in like sixth grade, you know. Um,  That felt normal for me, you know, and then as soon as I started having sex, I was like, okay, I'm comfortable talking about it, but now  I'm terrified to have it, you know, like what happens if I'm not good?

What happens if I'm not big enough? Like what, what are they going to tell their friends about me in school? Am I going to have a bad reputation? So there was so much fear around actually having sex that I, I wasn't,  I wasn't having the experiences that I wanted, you know, I was constantly in fear. I was constantly worried  and I wasn't able to just  Enjoy the pleasure  which is a big ask I think of a teenager, but  When I first started having sex, but that persisted for the next like 15 years of my life so instead of You know having these wonderful sexual experiences Um, you know I always had that fear, always had that doubt.

And I would use, you know, normally marijuana to kind of cover that up. Uh, glaze like a layer over that fear and just have another excuse to kind of yeah, just not have to deal with it. Right. An excuse to say, oh, if, you know, if something happened, I was high. Um.  Just a buffer, you know, giving yourself an excuse.

Yeah. Yeah. And some escape go exactly. Um, but more importantly, just like a way to disconnect.  And in those moments I was just trying to perform, trying to do what I learned from watching porn. Um, and  Yeah, that was my experience of sex. It was very disconnected and I've talked about it before. It can be sad to think about, you know, women that I was really  in love with, but never really got to connect with in the way that I wish I could have.

Um, because I just didn't know how.  And I guess it was a performance. Yeah, exactly.  What do you think led to  all this pressure to perform?  I think it's everywhere for men. Honestly, I say this all the time. If, if you're a man in your 20s, you know, or teens or 30s right now, it would be kind of a miracle if you didn't have performance anxiety, right?

Like, I don't know about for you, but for me, the messaging, like, watching Sex and the City, it's like, The main character is called big, right? You have to have a big dick. And then, um, you know, shows like Californication, there's like many different television shows that are centered on men with large penises.

Porn has men with large penises. So I think there's so much pressure to be a certain way or to be good in bed, you need to have a big penis or, um, and all of that factors in. Yeah, and it's, I guess it's not just the size of your penis, it's also how you perform in bed, like how long you last and all these different messages we're getting about what good sex looks like.

Yeah, and if I'm, you know, gauging myself against someone in porn, I need to be able to last for, I don't know, an hour, right? Or, , uh, be able to just like pound away nonstop multiple positions. It's a ton of pressure. Yeah. not only do you have to have a big penis, you also be need to be like an all star athlete.

Yeah. Six pack like endurance for days and Yeah. Exactly. I think  everything is kind of telling men that they need to be amazing in bed or they're kind of not worth it. Yeah. I think it's really beautiful, normalizing. performance anxiety and how prevalent it is. Just almost that we can kind of assume that, you know, if you're a man in your 20s or 30s, you know, you probably will have some aspect of performance anxiety in terms of comparing yourself to what you've seen and how you think you're supposed to show up.

Yeah. And that like, it would be normal and it's okay. And I understand why, you know, and, um,  there's a lot of things you can do to try and undo that. But,  It's difficult because you just think it is the norm, right? Like I grew up, if I think about my best friends, like  everyone is masturbating to porn every night, you know, like that would be in my, you know, circle of friends growing up, it would be weird if you didn't. 

So that's the starting point is, is like men, Who are habitually, you know masturbating to porn and that's their experience of pleasure. Of course, they're going to be completely disconnected Yeah Was there a turning point for you where you hit some kind of a rock bottom or you knew you needed to make a change?

Yeah, so this is the the part that I always miss when I tell my story um, and

 

it's actually sobriety that changed everything for me because once I couldn't smoke You  I had to actually see what was going on,  you know? So that was my moment. Uh,  stopping drinking alcohol for me, it was very easy. That was never a problem.

That was like kind of my step one.  Um, but marijuana was like an everyday thing multiple times a day for years.  So once I stopped doing that, it was like, Oh wow. I have a lot of insecurities. I have a lot of issues that I need to really look at and deal with. And that was kind of the start of my inward journey.

 

So it sounds like there was maybe a rock bottom with marijuana that caused you to, to give that a, before you started examining your intimacy and sexuality and. Yeah. And it's interesting because it's not my biggest rock bottom, but it was a bottom. Um,  My biggest rock bottom would definitely be like getting injured after playing soccer that like nothing compares to that losing my identity completely.

But this was a case where I had a lovely girlfriend at the time. Um, I had a good business and I just wasn't happy with myself and it wasn't. That I, you know, was completely destroyed, but I was like something has to change. You know, this isn't working. Yeah, and  Once I made This step to actually quit marijuana.

There was like a month period that was extremely challenging and then it was just like all uphill  And it just felt like amazing every day, uh, was just like better than the next. I felt so much clarity and it made it so much easier to start knocking down all the things that I've been putting off.  Like what?

Um, whether it was like taking ownership in my business, uh, taking care of myself, looking after myself instead of,  you know,  getting high and watching porn, I couldn't do that anymore. So it was like, okay, now I'm replacing that with something more constructive, reading a book and meditating and finding yoga.

So the slow process was like finding mindfulness, um, learning,  okay, what do I want to actually like do with my life? Who am I? What is this? What is the point of all this kind of discussions with myself? um and Reading all these books like tools of Titans is just this amazing library of like People's favorite books as well.

I don't know if you've ever looked at it that way But I like he asked for a book recommendation from everyone and I was just like buying every book. Yeah people recommend it This is Tim Ferriss's book. Yeah um And I was just going down like kind of one rabbit hole to the next until I landed on Taoism and some of these sexual practices about moving sexual energy, semen retention, um, learning how to last as long as you want.

So you can pleasure your partners and give them more energy and yourself. And I was like, that's really cool. I want to learn more about that. I want to, I'm so interested in getting better at sex and intimacy.  So that was kind of the first aha moment where I was like, I want to go deeper into this. I tried a lot of things on my own  reading all these books, like a Montauk Chia book, um, the multi orgasmic man.

And I was,  learning about these concepts and just totally blown away and excited, but I couldn't put them into practice. Everything I tried, I was just kind of stumbling and falling. I was like, this isn't working.  Um, and it wasn't until a friend had mentioned that he was working with a sex coach and I was like, what in the world is that?

Like I just never heard of the concept before. Um, and I. found out who it was, contacted him right away, found a couple of other coaches. And I was like, I just want to dive so deep into this realm. And what was so shocking to me is that even though I experienced so much fear and anxiety around sex for so long, I never had trouble getting partners.

So I I've, I'm someone who had a lot of sexual experience at that time. Just not very good ones. You know, I wasn't, I was probably boasting to my friends. Oh, I slept with so and so last night. Meanwhile, I didn't get it up or, you know, it ended super fast.  Um, but 



the point is



 I had a ton of sexual experience, you know, threesomes, this, that, everything.

I felt like, okay. I at least know a lot about sex. And as soon as I worked with a coach, I realized I knew nothing. Like I was so performative. I had no connection to my body, no idea what I was doing during sex. Um,  so I just had this moment where I felt like  if, you know, me, someone with so much sexual experience, if I don't know anything about sex, like how could someone with one partner or two partners have any chance? 

And  the concepts were so simple and it was something that I was able to embody quite quickly. And I just felt like, okay, something that was once my biggest weakness has now become my biggest strength and I need to share it with the world. 

 



Beautiful.  Before we leave the topic of  erectile dysfunction and premature ejaculation, what do you wish more people knew about this topic? 

A couple of things. So 

 

for men, I want you to know that you can get help. Like it's 100 percent treatable. And the biggest deterrent from kind of curing premature ejaculation is that men are unwilling to talk about it.  So like 90 percent of men are unwilling to even share with their doctor that they're experiencing symptoms of premature ejaculation. 

So the only way you can really get started is by Sharing and being open to,  whether it's sharing with a buddy or your girlfriend or your partner or a therapist, like that is the first step in being able to, to get help and it's super possible. Mm-Hmm. beyond possible. Mm-Hmm. like you can definitely. cure premature ejaculation.

And I have so many men who message me almost daily on YouTube in comments saying that they watched a free video and they were able to implement it and cure it.

 

So,  um, yeah, it's more just like the hope that  guys, if you're experiencing it, you can fix it, but you need to be open to  dealing with it and putting in some work and actually just doing something to actually heal it.

As opposed to, you know, Thinking it's a personal failing and you're just broken that way. Absolutely. It's normal. It's nothing to be ashamed of. I know that it's so shamed in our society from like American pie, but it's,  it's normal and it's something you can deal with. And then on the other side of that for women, if any women are watching this,  it's just understanding how  kind of severe it can be for men, how crippling it can be.

Um, because I hear so many times men are telling their partners and they're like, don't worry about it. It's fine. I don't care. And it's like, okay, maybe you don't care that much, but he cares, you know? So if you're a woman and you're  with a partner who experiences this, be very gentle in the way that you approach it, you know, be understanding, be caring because one comment of like, that's it.

Like. You're done. You know, that embarrassment can carry  for like their whole life for some guys, you know? Um, so yeah, being able to support a partner in that process  because any man can deal with it. You know, he could have just been super nervous and  maybe next time he'll be fine, but he just needs a little bit support and safety.

And what can a partner do to support someone who's struggling with it?  I think open communication is going to be the best way, you know, being able, for women, I always say if they can share first a little bit about performance anxiety that they've experienced, because I'm in the camp that everyone's experienced it, you know, no matter who you are.

And women in particular experience more  sexual dysfunction than men in general. What does it look like? Whether it's like inability to get wet and ability to have orgasms, um, just being stuck in their heads. Right. Um, it just doesn't impede sex as much as, you know, premature ejaculation or erectile dysfunction.

If a woman's not having orgasms or, you know, you can use lube if she's not wet and you can still have intercourse. doesn't disrupt it in the same way. It's not as obvious externally, superficially, exactly. Um, so what women can do is share about some of those experiences. Like, Hey, sometimes I get nervous during sex and I really struggle to connect to myself and have orgasms.

It's totally normal.  Um, being able to kind of create the safety that, Hey, we can talk about anything because so many men will, will try to skip that conversation, but actually just talking about it and normalizing it and being like, Hey, that's totally fine. Like what happened? You know? Oh, I was nervous about work.

I'm nervous because I,  I like you so much, you know, like have that conversation. And it can be unbelievable how fast premature ejaculation is just gone.  And it's just because of releasing some of that shame or guilt or opening. Yeah.  It's amazing how so many of these issues, when we just get too stuck in our head,  can cause so many, you know, real physiological symptoms and issues that, you know, if we can just start to unpack it a little bit, start to communicate and talk about it, the issues can resolve themselves quite, quite simply, sometimes.

















Yeah. It feels really simple at times, you know, and it is  It's tension  That's all it is, right? There's there's like a holding there's a clenching. There's the breathing stops. There's So much pressure And you know if that's also happening in their regular life, it's happening once they get on the date.

It's just compounding every day and whether You know You're worried about erectile dysfunction or you're worried about premature ejaculation like wherever you're putting your focus and fear to That's usually when it happens. Yeah, I remember it's the weirdest thing. I went through a phase of about I think it was about six months where I don't know.

I don't remember how it started, but  I would get so nervous about  peeing next to another guy in a urinal  Where I would be unable to go to the bathroom with a friend because like if there was another guy in a urinal next to me, I wouldn't be able to pee while they were standing there.  And I would get so freaked out about like, where am I going to go pee? 

And it was just this weird thing. As soon as, you know, the guy left, then I could, I could pee. But if there was somebody standing there, I would just like tighten up and tense up. And it just, it was this weird thing that just got into my head. Uh, and it lasted for like six months. And eventually I forget how it went away, but. 

It was totally a psychosomatic thing. It was all in my head and it was just the weirdest experience. But I can, it's a very similar kind of performance anxiety. Like, yeah, am I going to be able to pee while this guy is standing there? It's exactly that. It's a form of performance anxiety  and it's maybe it happened the first time.

Right. Of that six month period and you're like, whoa, this is uncomfortable. I'm in fear Yeah, and then I hope it doesn't happen again. And then exactly it just happened. Yeah It was kind of a self fulfilling prophecy. Yeah. Yeah, and you know  I've definitely experienced that before at some point in my life and I don't know if it's because I was a soccer player and an athlete and like whenever I felt fear I knew to breathe  You know, so I like still to this day if I'm in you know that we call them like the trough kind Yeah, like that's like your worst nightmare, right?

You're in fear of peeing in front of other people and  . Yeah. Being able to just like close your eyes and take a few breaths. Yeah. And realize like, oh, I'm safe to just like take a pee. You know? And I think the thing that helped was eventually I just kind of had to tell myself like,  it doesn't matter how long I need to just stand here, even if I'm standing here for two minutes and nothing comes out, I'm just gonna stand here as long as it takes until I kind of  relax into it enough where I can pee.

It was the weirdest thing, but I just need to see, it's an interesting one because it's like.  The fear, right, is around embarrassment, but it's like, why is it embarrassing to not pee? Yeah. I don't, you know, I thought, yeah, it's the weirdest thing. I've felt it before, but it's a weird thing. It's like, why do we care?

Why do we think other people are like talking about it too when we leave or something? Yeah.  Like, Oh, did you hear Jeremy takes an extra 30 seconds before, you know, the P comes out. I mean there's probably some evolutionary psychological mechanism behind it of like, Oh, we think maybe our junk is broken and people, uh, who knows?

But yeah, I don't know. Performance anxiety, the fear of what other people will think. A hundred percent. Yeah.  In terms of healing, sexual dysfunctions, erectile dysfunction, performance, anxiety, these things,  What are the important steps that people can take?  Yeah. So  

 

the first step would be acknowledging it and owning it and being able to share about your experience. 

So releasing some of that shame and guilt  opens the door of like, okay, I'm going to work on this and I'm going to fix it. Like, And hopefully you're working with someone who can help you learn that there's a perfectly good reason why you're experiencing it. And it's not weird.  Um, the second step would be really  regulating yourself.

You know, some, most of the men that I work with who have premature ejaculation are just way overstimulated, um, super stressed in their daily life, kind of just running around ragged. in this like sympathetic state. And, um, it's kind of, you know, I always describe it as like if you're breathing super shallow chest breathing and, or heavy chest breathing all the time during your day, like it's the same kind of thing.

You're in an ejaculatory state.  So then when you move into intimacy, you haven't downshifted. You're already like, ah,  you're like halfway there.  Um, so finding a practice where you can connect to yourself, connect to your breath, release stress, not just in 10 minutes of meditation, but actually throughout your day, right?

Like when the stress happens, take that pause, take five belly breaths or whatever you need. Um, and then. So ways to kind of regulate your nervous system in the moment when you're starting to experience some of these symptoms. Yeah. And when you're experiencing stress in your daily life, right? Like let's take inventory of what makes you so stressed every day  and  over a week period, let's see what's the pattern.

What stresses you the most? Can we set a boundary there? Can we make a change in the schedule or what can you do to support? a commute, which you know, stresses you out.  Can you  listen to some music that makes you happy and prepare yourself for what you know is going to be stressful, you  know, and  those, that's another thing that can be life changing is, is when people just realize for the first time,  Oh my God, I've been like, completely out of my window of tolerance and just living in the most stressful state ever.

I remember this kind of, it brings me to something that happened with, with my client when I was working with them in porn addiction. And one of the first things I had him do was  starting to give acknowledgements and affirmations to his wife, to his partner. I remember him telling me after we were working together, he had no idea why this was part of the recovery plan.

Like why is it important to compliment his wife and acknowledge her when she's going through something difficult. And he realized later just how interconnected all these things are, like how,  if your life is a mess, if your relationships are stressful, you're going to be acting out, you know, to soothe your nervous system, to, to run away from the pain, to escape and numb out.

And unless you do this more holistic approach to healing your whole life, you know, that's, you're not going to be addressing the underlying issues. And it sounds similar. Like if you want to address your erectile dysfunction, you know, you actually have to start to regulate your nervous system in your day to day life as well.

Yeah. And what you're talking about is supporting your partner in having self love and self worth, which is underneath all of this. Right? The biggest fear of any of performance anxiety or sexual dysfunction is that I'm not good enough to have a partner and I'm going to end up alone.  That's the deep fear.

So if you have a partner who can support you and say, Hey,  you know, you're amazing. You can do this positive affirmations. Um, you know, and if you're saying that to someone else, hopefully you can say it for yourself too.  Uh, so yeah, I understand how that would be super powerful.  Tell me more about this. The underlying fear of performance anxiety is feeling unworthy.  It's fairly common. That's not to like  dull it down in any way. It's such a difficult thing to deal with. I know I've, I've dealt with it my whole life, uh, this feeling of, of not enoughness and there has to be a moment at some point in my, in my opinion, in all of our lives where we just say, hold on a second, who said I wasn't enough, you know?

And  let me be honest with myself. Am I someone I'm proud of? Am I living the way that I want to live? Am I living in integrity and my values? And if I am and I'm proud of myself, there has to be a moment where I go, No, you're the man.  What would you say to someone who  they feel like they're not living in integrity and they're not proud of their actions?

Let's say they're, they're overweight, they're not exercising, they're watching porn and not telling their partner.  What does someone do in that situation?  Yeah, I hope it doesn't take losing your partner to make a change. I hope there is a catalyst of like finding a video or a clip or something where you're like, wow, okay, I need to change my life. 

Um, and hopefully it's not a health scare or something like that. And unfortunately it tends to be, it tends to take like a really major event for some people. to really kick into gear and make a change, unfortunately. But  yeah, I was thinking about this before and it's like a Jordan Peterson kind of clip where he's like, sit on your bed and think about like, what's one thing you're doing wrong that you know you're doing wrong that you could fix and that you would fix. 

And it's like, if you do that, you're gonna find something and you're not going to want to do it. But that's exactly what you have to do.  And that's kind of one of the guiding principles in my work and my program is like,  if you feel a resistance, if you feel a fear in what I'm asking you to do, and what you know you need to do, that's exactly what you have to do.

I don't want to have this conversation with my partner. That's what you have to do. You know? And,  That has to come from within though, you know, and, and from what I know in my work is like you can't push your partner into doing, making a change like this. It has to come from the person. They have to be fed up with the way that they're living and they have to say, enough's enough.

I have to do this for me.  Yeah, you have to be  fed up with your own kind of the way you're showing up in the world to make a change. Yeah. Yeah, and it's usually because there's, you know,  sometimes decades of hurt and, you know, you lose a marriage or you  lose a girlfriend, whatever it is. In my case, right,  guys who are experiencing, you know, these sexual dysfunctions and they're just like, okay, enough's enough.

Like, I can't lose another partner, or I can't. keep avoiding sex and intimacy. I need to live my life and be willing to try and Put myself out there to find a partner



What so kind of getting onto the topic of porn What is the impact of porn on some of these issues that we're talking about?  I think it impacts everything and i'm pretty sure you're my age, right? Like we grew up in this experiment You know, I had like a Playboy mag, which was, is probably ancient for young guys who are watching this, but then like the internet was happening as we were teenagers and it was, we were seeing the first porn in real time. 

So in my experience, it only leads to sexual dysfunction. You know, it, it  leads to a performance minded sexual experience. And for people who don't know it.  They're okay with it. They're like, I have sex. I, you know, ejaculate, I orgasm, I can get my partner there.  Um, and that can still work for people.  Uh, but in my opinion, it's affecting everything.

And,  you know, a small anecdote for premature ejaculation is,  you know,  when I was younger, and I think for a lot of men, it's like, you don't want to get caught. masturbating in front of your parents or siblings or whatever. So, you know, you want to do it quickly and in secret and maybe mom's coming home or whatever.

And you want to, okay, I have five minutes. Let me do this quickly. So for guys who are experiencing premature ejaculation, it can be because of this kind of conditioning that habitually they're, they're masturbating extremely quickly. Okay. in a bit of fear.  And they're kind of creating neuropathways that say, Hey, pleasure, ejaculation fast. 

And that can really be harmful. It's, I mean, it's giving me goosebumps just thinking about this. It never, I'd always kind of understood this, but it kind of just clicked for me when you said it,  you know, when you start masturbating, you're seven, eight, nine years old, you know, you're finding your, It's called Macy's Catalog or Victoria's Secret and you're hiding in your room and you're doing it, like you say, in that slight state of fear of, okay, is mom going to come and open the door?

Is my sibling going to catch me?  And just as you say, it might be your first thousand or 2000 sexual experiences. Your first thousand orgasms are done in a state of fear and in a state of slight anxiety. And so you are kind of interlinking those neural pathways of, of sexuality and anxiety.  And how powerful that is for the rest of your life.

You know, that the first thousand or 2000 or a few thousand orgasms are done in that state of fear. It's wild to think about that. Yeah. And now you can understand why I said before it would be normal to experience performance anxiety for exactly this reason. And then what? You've been,  you know, using this most potent form of sexual arousal known to man ever. 

I mean, I don't care how much control you have. You put on your favorite porn. Like it's going to get you aroused and like, to the point, super fast. And now all of a sudden you're just with a partner for the first time. Like, how is that possibly going to go? Well, like,  I don't know anyone who's had an amazing first sexual experience.

Mine was. tragically awful, you know,  and our first sexual experiences outside of with ourself can really shape us like with, you know, a partner where we think, wow, I didn't know what I was doing. I was probably terrible at it.  This isn't good, you know? So same thing can kind of start there where it's like, yeah, I was in fear.

I'm in more fear now  because, I don't know what to do. And, and this is something that I, I, it's, it's also important, um,  going along the lines of like, of course people would have performance anxiety, but  no one teaches us how to have sex.  My first sexual experience, I, I, I couldn't find my partner's vagina.

I didn't know where it was. You know, I was like, I think I was like pushing on her pubic bone and and like thinking I was touching her clit And after a couple minutes, she's like, okay, like that's enough, you know, and I was just devastated but  No one teaches us how to have sex  We're getting all the education through porn, which is not a good source of education.

Yeah, which is not exactly the most, you know, loving and connected form of sex. It's like the most fantasizing kind of porn. Yeah. Or sexual representation. Yeah.  It's the craziest stuff you've ever wanted, right? Not just sex. loving interaction with a partner. Cause it's not trying to teach us about healthy intimacy.

It's just trying to capture your attention and keep you hooked on the page so that the porn companies can make more money and the advertisers can make more money. Yeah, it's interesting. I mean,  I don't know about you, but I'll open up, I've opened up 20 tabs. I'm not getting past like one.  There's things I want to see and then it's just over, you know, and it's not because.

I can't hold it, but it's because I I'm just like this is why I'm here, right? um 

 

My experience is almost the exact opposite really is that it would be a continual hunt  For something more and this is why like a session can last hours like when you're addicted to porn It can just be like no you never want to finish on a video because you always want to find something slightly better you're like  Okay, this is good.

It's, you know, you're edging for hours and you just kind of, you enjoy the hunt more than the actual experience itself. Interesting. Searching, typing in new words, you know, scrolling for hours. And this is why it can be so devastating on, on your time and energy. It can just last and last and last. Um, and you know, you're frying your dopamine systems cause you're sitting there for hours pushing on the dopamine button.

I talk about this with other substances,  you know, drugs and alcohol and other kinds of dopaminergic things.  You, at some point you reach a limit, like with sugar. If you have a mountain of candy bars in front of you, at some point the candy bar, you get sick, you can't put another one in it and it gives you more dopamine.

But with porn, because there's an infinite variety and you're getting dopamine from the potential of something exciting around the corner, you can literally sit there for hours. For three hours, four hours, eight hours, ten hours, just hitting that dopamine system. 

 

It's interesting, because I've never really identified as someone who had a porn addiction.

But I watched porn every day for years, you know, like over a decade. So I wouldn't say I didn't.  But I, I didn't identify, I didn't think it was a problem and I wasn't spending hours and, you know, not taking care of my responsibilities. I think there's varying degrees, but to your point, my experience, when I go down the rabbit hole of like page after page, I'm not getting the dopamine.

Because I'm like, it's not better. I'm looking for better, but I'm not finding better. So it is a search. Well, but that's the thing. A lot of people confuse the kind of the dopamine for the the enjoyment or the pleasure. But what people miss is the dopamine is the craving. The dopamine is the wanting. And so you were experiencing the dopamine.

You were kind of hooked on, you know, if you're still searching, there's still that dopamine. It's that feeling of, you know,  motivating you to take action. It's not necessarily the, the pleasure that you actually get from it. It's the craving to find the thing, the pursuit. It's the pursuit. Yeah. And so there's this famous quote.

I heard it on the, uh, Chris Williamson podcast. He was quoting someone else, but he said, what was it? Dopamine is the,  the happiness of pursuit, not the pursuit of happiness.  Hmm. Yeah, it's it's that feeling of the flow state you get when you're pursuing something you think you're just about to get this prize That's the anticipation.

It's the anticipation of a potential reward right around the corner. Yeah, that's what I say, you know, we're at um,  Shopping addiction. It's very addictive because it's the potential It's the excitement of the new thing coming once you get the thing. It's not as exciting as it's over. Yeah. Yeah  Totally interesting.

in terms of, of your experience with porn and the clients that you work with, you know, what are, what is it about porn, you know, whether someone's addicted or not, what is it about porn that's impacting their intimacy?  Yeah. So step one, week one of my program, I'm asking men to stop watching porn  and to  abstain from masturbation for the first week to really sit with. 

What's going on in my head when I want to watch porn? You know, let's just sit with,  What are you running away from? Or what's the distraction? Um, are you stressed? Is there, you know, a problem that you don't want to deal with? Let's understand why you want to watch porn.  And why you want to masturbate.

Because it's not because you're horny. Let's be clear. Okay, like I think men They want to rush to that and it's like, oh, it's normal. I'm just horny. It's like no You didn't just wake up and get horny  Or you know, you just get horny before bed. There's something you're putting off. There's something that you don't want to sit with let's Really identify what that is  See if there's a pattern see if there's something for us to work with there in general Is there something that people are running away from? 

Loneliness Not feeling good about themselves Hopelessness, you know, it's like this feeling of Not enoughness and it it might not be so clear that it's that but it's a feeling of  I don't feel good. I want to feel good. Here's a way. Yeah, right. And it's like, okay, what happens when we take that away?  It's like taking the pacifier away from the baby.

Yeah. Yeah. It's something, you know, I've talked about this on my podcast many times, but Vipassana and kind of that tradition of meditation is so powerful for this because  it's, 

 

there's so many things, it's loneliness, it's despair, it's boredom, it's anxiety. All the things, it's just that feeling of I don't feel good and I want to feel good. 

And that's why we self medicate. And if you can learn how to just be okay with not feeling good, be okay with the discomfort, with the loneliness and just say, Oh, I'm lonely  and I don't need to push this feeling away. I can just be with the loneliness.  instead of acting out with porn or drugs or whatever it is.

Or I could support myself in my loneliness, right? Like, Oh wow, I feel lonely. Maybe I should call someone,  you know, maybe I should connect with my friend or family or whatever.  And that's really vulnerable, but that's what can feel so good. Now, all of a sudden you're being heard and seen and supported like, wow, I feel so much better.

And I did something  that makes me feel good. I connected with someone as opposed to, I just kind of used myself  to feel good. And then I have this huge crash and kind of feel terrible about myself. And there's something liberating about.  acknowledging and giving voice to what you're actually feeling like with loneliness. 

It's such a huge thing for men. So many men feel lonely. But if I were to take a guess of how many men have actually ever said those words to a friend, like to actually go up to a friend or family member and say,  I'm really lonely.  It's probably in the single digits.  Yeah. It's really low. And, and men would, And people in general would just prefer to say like, I'm bored. 

It's not bored. Yeah. You know, you don't feel good. How do you help people take ownership of those feelings that can be really scary for them? I think because the program is a community of men, there's already other men doing it who've been there before them. So they're seeing, they're being empowered, you know, um, They're also seeing that I do it, right?

And, and that I've shared about what I'm experiencing very publicly. And they're like, wow, okay.  this guy's telling the whole world that he had this and I can't tell a single person. Um, but when it comes to emotions and feelings, of course there's this huge resistance from men. Um, and I think their first instinct is like, the last thing I want to do is share in front of other men. 

And I'm like, good, that's exactly what you need to do, you know? And, but I think once they get in my group and they see like a post from another guy from this week or last week and he's.  soul and he's sharing things that you feel. You're like, okay,  this guy's just like me. He's doing this. I can do this too. 

Uh, so I don't want to take too much credit for myself. It's more like the other guys who are the exact same as them, who are just a little bit further ahead and like breaking through that first barrier.  it makes it a lot easier, I think, for other men to be like, okay, here we go.  So kind of to see other people,  uh, being role models in this way or being in a container of other men who are comfortable expressing their vulnerability.

Yeah. Put it this way. Like every 99 percent of men who get on a call with me or join the program, I'm the first person they've ever told.  So there's, I'm  They're like, what?  You know, I can say this to other people and not get like ridiculed and embarrassed and it's going to help me. You know, I didn't think this would help me.

I think this would  ruin me.  But then they're reading and seeing these other men who are literally the same person as they joined the same program. So it's like, okay, this guy's here. He's just like me. He's doing this,  right?  I gotta try, you know, and that's kind of where they're at is  if this is what I have to do. 

Okay, here we go.  Yeah. Once you get so fed up with your condition, you kind of start realizing, okay, I'll do anything it takes. And if this is what I have to do, I'll do it. Yeah. And like recently it was beautiful to see a guy who was struggling for so long. He recently had some breakthroughs and had amazing intimacy with his partners, feeling so confident.

And he just shared like,  this is what worked for me. You know, aside from the whole program, these are the main things. And one of the main ones out of three was releasing the shame and the guilt, you know, and being able to share whether it's openly in the group or with his partner or anyone for that matter.

Right.  Because it's not just about sex. It's not just intimacy related where, Oh, I have performance anxiety over here and it has nothing to do with my real life.  It's like so intertwined. And it's, you know, it's not only releasing that shame, it's also setting boundaries with people, and asking for what you want, and knowing that you're worthy to get what you want. 

Everything contributes. So, yeah.  Do you have any personal kind of daily practices or rituals that,  that support your, your growth or your, do you call it recovery? I mean, what is it? No, I was looking at that word recently, like recover from premature ejaculation and it didn't resonate with me for some reason.

Um, so I don't consider it like a recovery.  overcome is is what feels right for me. Uh, personally, right now, I actually don't really have a daily practice.  Uh, probably should. I was thinking recently how I need to get a little bit more structure because I got a, I got a dog and that's kind of upended my  Workout schedule and, and kind of how I've lived my life.

So, yeah, it's something I need to check into.  Well, I guess I imagine that your weekly group is kind of like a, in some ways it's a ritual that keeps you honest and keeps you vulnerable. Like a,  you know, a weekly time where you're connecting and sharing with other men. Yeah, absolutely. 

That's like my favorite time of the week is just being able to connect with my guys. Um, and yeah, they're sharing with me and I'm also sharing about my experience. And so often when I say something to them, I'm reminding myself that, Hey, I, I need to say this for myself too. I need to do this. I'm not doing this. 

So it's really good accountability. In terms of  whether it's premature ejaculation or erectile dysfunction, or performance anxiety, or any combination of the three,  Would it be the case where if somebody has it, they kind of know they have it or are some people in denial about it? Like with porn addiction, there are a lot of people out there who are in denial.

They're like, this isn't a problem. Like I don't have a problem with porn. Meanwhile, their intimacy is struggling. They're experiencing erectile dysfunction, but they're kind of  in denial about the effects of porn. Is there anyone that would be in that camp with them? Sure, it's possible, right? I think I was medicating with  marijuana and alcohol.

I think there's ways people try to cover it up, specifically with alcohol, kind of numbs you. Um,  so I would say that's, yeah. One element of denial, but I don't know if you're experiencing it you're experiencing it, right? Oh, you know Yeah, cuz I was gonna say like I often get this question asked with porn is like, how do you know if you're Dealing with porn addiction.

How do you know if it's an addiction and there's certain things you can look for and I'm curious Like would that be a relevant question for a reptile dysfunction and you know, okay, it's disrupting sex You know, it's very clear that you're unable to have satisfying sexual experiences for yourself and your partner.

You're not happy, you know, uh being in denial would be  Then you're satisfied I guess  So then it wouldn't be a problem 



Is there anything that we haven't talked about yet that you would like to dive into?



Something I've been wanting to talk about, but I don't know how relevant it is, but I'll just say it. Okay. We'll see if you use it. Yeah. 

 

There's one thing in particular that bothers me, um, mostly because it feels like 90 percent of the sex educators are women. And there's this stigma and a consensus that there's this thing called the orgasm gap.

Where, heterosexual men are orgasming, you know, 30 percent more than women and, you know, lesbian women are having way more orgasms than straight women.  And it's all the man's fault, right? And it's because men are selfish,  and men are pigs, and it's really not fair. I really don't like it. I think something that's not considered is that  Yeah, maybe men are orgasming or ejaculating, you know, almost every single time they have sex, but do they want to,  you know, I think that the study, the statistic isn't considering  if men are experiencing premature ejaculation or erectile dysfunction and they're so happy to have an erection that then they prematurely ejaculate or they're so worried about performing during sex that  and satisfying their partner that they can't perform.

So I think it paints this picture that men are  either bad in bed or selfish. And it doesn't consider the fact that it's partially because  a recent study said 30 to up to 75 percent of men can experience premature ejaculation. It's like, Yeah, it's not because they want that to happen. It's because they're struggling. 

It's a fascinating thing that you're bringing up and it's almost  looking at the question like you, you bring up the topic of the orgasm gap. Okay. More men are having orgasms than, than straight women. Um, and it's almost, we should be reframing the conversation around sexual satisfaction rather than, okay, who's having an orgasm and who's not.

Like are people being satisfied in their sexuality? And if you've probably looked at it, men are probably not experiencing as much satisfaction as we think because of, maybe they're orgasming, but maybe they're not. Maybe they're experiencing all this performance anxiety and fear and self judgment about their performance.

Yeah. Thank you for saying that. It's like all of the sex educators know that we shouldn't be performing for orgasm and the expectation shouldn't be ejaculation and orgasm. but yet they use this metric for, for that explanation and it's wrong, right? Because the women who, you know, whatever, the 30 percent of women who aren't having an orgasm, maybe they never have an orgasm no matter who's having sex with them, you know, and  maybe they're still satisfied,  but you bring a really important point because, You know the men that i'm working with who are not satisfied with their performance and aren't lasting long enough They're not enjoying it at all They're not even getting pleasure when they ejaculate Nothing, if anything, it might be the opposite that when they ejaculate it might be a huge source of shame and embarrassment exactly literally no satisfaction so In that graph, it would be like a tick for the guys but in essence like no, he didn't want that right And it might be his source of, uh, I'm not worthy.

I'm not good enough. Yeah. Yeah. And in my opinion, with the guys that I work with underneath it is it's because they want to pleasure their partner so bad. It's because they're  so worried about losing her. It's not because they want to come and leave, you know, that's not the case for the men that I'm, working with and talking to.

It's interesting. There's so many parallels with, with porn addiction and kind of what's going on underneath the hood with porn addiction that 

 

for so many men, they don't want to be addicted to porn. They don't want to watch it as much as they do. And it's just this, this thing they're trying to figure out.

And I think having this understanding,  it brings a lot more compassion and understanding and saying,  Okay, guys, like this isn't working for either side and people are trying their best and how can we just support each other to be better lovers, more intimate, be better at vulnerability and talking and conversations and all these things.



 

Yeah, thank you for saying that because  going along the same lines of like, it would be normal to experience performance anxiety. So it would be normal for men to be afraid to be with women and therefore use porn. So, I mean, that number has got to be, I saw a study in like South Korea that was scary. It was like, no one's having sex anymore. 

So whether they're using porn or whatever, all I know is they're terrified to have sex or don't feel good enough to have sex or whatever it is.  Um, And that's scary for like the trajectory of humanity and love and intimacy and marriages and  families. Yeah.  We haven't  too much about intimacy and sexuality and actual sex and intimacy.

I'm curious, is there anything you wish  you knew earlier about intimacy?



Yeah, for sure. A lot of things.  Let me be more specific. 

 

What do you wish you knew? Yeah. Um, if I had to like pick one. Yeah. What's the biggest, the most bang for your buck kind of thing? I think like immediate results is being able to have an open conversation with my partner and like remove expectations.

If I could do that, then it's like, Oh, okay. Doesn't matter if she orgasms. Doesn't matter if I ejaculate. Let's just be together and have fun, you know, I think that's something that I would love to reiterate, is like, in my eyes, people forgot that sex is fun, and it's not this intense, it needs to be this certain way, and, and like,  So much passion and yeah, that's beautiful.

Of course we want that, but it can also just be hilarious and fun and you're laughing and you're just enjoying rolling around with a person that you care about. You know, why can't it be  playful and joyful and, but when it's no, this is serious, we're having sex and it has to be this way. Then there's so much pressure.

It's scary. What if I don't do it, right? What if I don't say what you want? It's like no, let's remove all of that Stop trying to be what you think the other person wants and then just actually ask  Hey, what do you want me to do during sex? What feels the best for you? What what do you want? You know, what do I want? 

And I think that You  would open the doors to a much more enjoyable sexual experience. And the second part of that would just be  if I had that and I could relax and feel safety, then to know that I should connect to my breath  is like the next element connecting to your body and kind of listening to what's going on.

Yeah. Being there,  being present. Yeah. You know, when I spoke about that experience before,  You know, when I was really in a performance mindset, I mean, I would watch porn before partners would come over and I would just like have fresh material to be able to think about that during sex with my partner. To stay hard.

Yeah, to, to be up for it, you know, and it's crazy to think about that. And it's one of the biggest complaints that I hear from partners of, of porn. People who are struggling with porn addiction is that when they're having sex when they're being intimate It feels like their partner is not there You know, it feels like their partner is off somewhere else their eyes might be closed And it feels like the person's not even in the room and so often it's because you know when we're Just kind of lost in the fantasy and in our porn fantasies or imaginations.

We're not actually present with the partner 100 percent that is the definition of a performance  driven sexual experience, you know, you're not there  like, Oh no, but I'm, I'm trying to, you know, ejaculate. So she'll be happy or whatever. Uh, or I'm trying to be like them  and do it in that way. And it might be because it's doggy style or, and it's just like, there's no connection, no touch, no intimacy. 

Don't even know if you're there because you're not breathing. You're not making a sound. Um, um, So yeah, the guy might think he's a rock star, you know, because he's just like pounding away. But the woman's like, where are you? I can't even feel you. And I love this idea of letting go of expectations and having a conversation and bringing back the playfulness and like sex can just be fun. 

It's so, in my experience, it's so much better, so much lighter, of course, then it can get passionate and like serious, but  to, to break that barrier and, and just make it more fun and loose. And like, yeah, who cares what happens? That's when I have my best sexual experiences.  Not when it's like, Hey, we're having serious sex tonight and we need to come.

Yeah.  Of course people are struggling with performance anxiety when there's all this expectation around it and when you think you're supposed to perform a certain way. Yeah. Is there anything else you'd like to leave with the listeners today? Any kind of words of wisdom or, or things to leave people listening? 

I think I would just reiterate something I've already said, but it's important. Is that.  It would be normal to be experiencing any of these things, whether it's porn addiction, sexual dysfunction, premature ejaculation, erectile dysfunction,  and that there are resources for you to get help. And you can 100 percent fix these things if you want to.

And you're ready to,  

 

how does someone know if they're ready for it?



Because they're sick of living the way that they are. you know, and it's gone too far and they're ready to make a change. And there's, there's no other way  when they're not willing to stay where they are anymore. And they're like, I have to change  because they have a goal bigger than where they are now.

You know, whether that's having a family or, you know, getting married and they know something has to change. I love this, like thinking about what's your bigger dream, um, like. It's okay to want a relationship that is filled with real intimacy and a good sex life. That's an okay desire to have. 

 

It's a beautiful goal.

Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. And it's attainable. And sex is a learned skill that anyone can get amazing at if you try and actually just open yourself to the world of what's there. It's almost incredible how we realize that all these other things in our life are trainable skills. You know, like getting an education, learning about plumbing, you know, mathematics, chess, whatever it is you want to get into.

But then with sex, we just kind of think it's just going to happen on its own and organically has to be amazing. We don't realize, Hey, I can actually Educate myself and get better at this thing. It's something we're expected to be good at, too. Like, oh, he better be good. It's like, what? He's no training. He didn't get a degree in it.

But the other thing is like, yeah, we get personal trainers, we get therapists who work on our mental health, and sex is such an important part of our lives, yet no one thinks, oh, I should work on that. And that was like revolutionary for me is when, when I realized like, wow, everyone can benefit from working on their sexuality.

It's more pleasure, more creativity, more love. Like who doesn't want that? It doesn't mean you can only work with a sex coach because you don't have, you know, yeah, you're not experiencing sexual dysfunction. Like everyone can improve their sex life if they want to. Um,  um,  Beautiful. Well, on that note, where can people get in touch with you?

Yeah. So for free content, definitely check out my YouTube channel. Um, Alex Grundy. And if you are someone who's struggling with these issues, whether it's premature ejaculation or erectile dysfunction, you can book a call with me, go to superiorlovers. com or alexgrundy. com.  Check out my free training and book a call with me and we can see if we're the right fit to work together.

Well, Alex, it's been a pleasure to finally get you on the podcast. I've been thinking about this for a year So happy to have you here And I know we're gonna have to do a second episode sometime diving more into the world of pleasure and intimacy  So thanks again for coming. Yeah, I would love that.

Thanks for having me, man. Yeah All right, folks, that's it for today. Thanks for joining in. We will catch you on the next episode