85. Victoria Sinis - The Dark Side of OnlyFans: Victoria's Journey From an OF Agency Recruiter to Youth Educator

In this episode of 'Unhooked,' host Jeremy interviews Victoria Sinis, a former marketing professional for an OnlyFans agency who now speaks out against the platform. Victoria shares her journey from being captivated by the perceived glamour and financial allure of OnlyFans to witnessing its darker side. She discusses the manipulation, coercion, and long-term consequences for women and men involved in the industry. The conversation also delves into the broader societal impacts, such as the distortion of healthy relationships and the objectification of women. Victoria offers practical advice for young women considering OnlyFans and highlights the importance of education and self-awareness. Tune in for a comprehensive look into the hidden struggles behind the OnlyFans facade.

00:00 Welcome to Unhooked: A Deep Dive into OnlyFans

00:34 The Allure and Reality of OnlyFans

05:09 The Turning Point: From OnlyFans to Advocacy

09:30 The Dark Side of OnlyFans: Exploitation and Objectification

14:30 Navigating the Complexities of Porn and OnlyFans

22:08 Addressing the Objectification and Manipulation in the Industry

31:24 The Porn Industry's Overwhelming Influence

34:33 Championing a Holistic Approach to Sexuality and Self-Worth

35:41 Navigating the Temptations of OnlyFans and Pornography

42:06 The Role of Education in Shaping Young Minds

57:44 Final Thoughts


Connect with Victoria online: IG- Victoria.sinis Tiktok- Vic.sinis


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ABOUT JEREMY LIPKOWITZ

Jeremy overcame addiction, shame, self-judgement, and depression in his early twenties with the help of mindfulness meditation. Mindfulness not only helped him let go of destructive behaviors, it also allowed him to connect with deeper meaning and purpose in his life.

For the past 10 years Jeremy has been teaching mindfulness and emotional intelligence practices at universities, recovery centers, and companies throughout Asia and the US. He holds a Bachelors and Master’s degree in Genetics and Genomics, and spent several years at Duke University working towards a PhD in Genetics & Systems Biology before he turned full-time to teaching mindfulness.

Jeremy is also an ICF certified Executive Coach. As a former scientist and academic, Jeremy has a great passion for bringing his EI based coaching skills into the corporate and professional world. He realizes how powerful & transformative these practices can be for skeptics and senior-level managers. He is known for his calm and grounded demeanor, his expertise in habits and high-performance, and his compassionate approach to transformation.

Transcript

  So welcome ladies and gentlemen to another episode of Unhooked. I'm your host Jeremy and I'm joined today by Victoria Sinis. Victoria, welcome to the show.

Thank you so much for having me, Jeremy.

 I'd love to dive straight in just for people who are unfamiliar with your work. If you could just give people a little background about, who you are and what do you do? 

Yeah, absolutely. So yeah, 26. I'm a Melburnian and my background is actually in startups and marketing. So that's what I've done before is building businesses. And that led me to working for an OnlyFans agency startup. And for people that aren't super familiar with OnlyFans agencies, basically your main role is to.

Market girls on OnlyFans is the simplest way to put it. And that's where my journey ended me up. But, and through that experience, I got to see the reality of what OnlyFans was and, the the darkness of this industry and it's not what people think it is. And so I left and now I speak out full time about what this all is.

And I also go to schools and talk to young girls about this and just how to navigate social media and, have a little bit more digital literacy about them. 

Yeah, and I love the topics we're going to be covering today because a lot of times on this show we talk about More from the perspective of the guy and how it's affecting young men And I love that you're tackling this from how is this affecting young women as well? Particularly only fans because there's a whole lot going on there in the last few years, especially  I'm curious, you know just to go a little bit back in time to when you first started working at that agency Like what is it that led you to work there? 

Yeah. So for me, there was a couple of things. One of the things that you'll hear me harp about is how important your circle is. And the reason why that is, is because the person who actually started the agency was someone who was really close in my circle. So it was a a close, trusted friend of mine.

And there was already people that they knew very well that were in the industry and that they were already doing only fans. And so they had approached me and they were like, with your background in business and marketing, we think that you would be really useful to help us set up the marketing division of the agency.

And so when you have close, trusted people in your circle you're more inclined to, to agree to the things that they're doing as well, because you're like, I trust you, therefore I trust what you're doing and then as well, another reason why is from the outside with not a lot of understanding of what OnlyFans was, again, you're educated through social media and what do you see?

Oh, these girls make a bunch of money. I hear you can sell your feet. I'm not too sure what this thing is. And I've never personally even really been exposed to porn. Like I've never watched it. So I didn't really understand what OnlyFans was and a lot of people, it's content creation.

Like what does that mean? So for me it was just lack of education and then obviously trusting the people in my circle that led me to go, yep, this seems like a good thing. Let's make some money. Let's build this business. And that was why I was like, sure. Let's definitely do this.

it seems like In Pop culture, OnlyFans has this kind of sugarcoating of being like very empowering for women. And it's harmless. It's just women posting photos of their feet and making tens of thousands of dollars. So it seems like you got caught in the PR hype where it was sold to you in a particular way.

Yeah, for sure. I even the people that owned the agency, the two girls that were in doing OnlyFans, I was like, okay they've come from really rough backgrounds. Now it seems like they're financially stable. get to have these luxurious lives. The root cause, the, main factor in that is they've done only fans.

So you just make these assessments and you go, okay, this has to be a positive. And so for me, again, if you don't really have a lot of education and you're just going by what you're just like, yeah, sure. This seems like a good thing. Let's do it. Absolutely. 

Yeah. So you just got swept up into it and were like, okay, going with the flow. This seems like a fine idea. Why not? Yeah.

Absolutely. And 

 

you get swept up in the hype of it all. And, the you hear again, you can make so much money. So if we're taking a clip of all these girls and they're making all this money and all of that you absolutely get sucked into it. 

 

Definitely.

And it sounds like you didn't really have strong views about porn before working in the OnlyFans agency. Tell me a little bit about, did you have any views on porn, whether it was good or bad or anything like that?

To be honest with you, I didn't understand porn and I would say it to people all the time. I was like, I don't understand why people watch porn. I would say, if. As crude as it sounds, and I don't have these views at all anymore. But I was like, if you want to have sex, why don't you just go have sex? Like, why do you need to watch porn?

And so I never understood the allure of it. And so I never really got into it. And so I think that as well, just being totally naive to even understanding what porn is. Played a huge part for me and thank goodness though, because then when I did get onto the platform and see everything that's probably why it was such a shock for me as well, I 

assume.  

So then let's dive into the turning point. You started working at this agency and 

 

what were some of the things that you started to see that started to change your mind? 

Yeah. Again, when something's painted with this brush of women's liberation, empowerment, girls, let's go you, Yeah, you come into something with, a little bit of rose colored glasses. And so when I started at the agency, my main role was marketing on social media. So I didn't really see again, all of that only fans backends.

It was all the Instagram stuff, the tick tocks, because if you're trying to pull in people, you need to get them from somewhere. So then you need to market people, on social media platforms. So what had happened was 

 

with OnlyFans agency, just for people who might not be aware you're impersonating the girl.

So it's not the girl that's actually talking to you. You have hired overseas chatters that are on the account impersonating being the OnlyFans girl. So when you're impersonating a person and just say you have one person who's doing all their social media and one person who's doing all their OnlyFans, there's a disconnect because I don't know what's happening on OnlyFans.

The other manager doesn't know what's happening on social media. So what we decided instead of, doing all of the social media in one and all of the OnlyFans in another we would split the girls in half and you would do the full life cycle. That's pretty cool. Of the accounts. So you do the social media and you would also do the only fans, just less girls.

So if that, does that make sense? 

Yeah. Yeah. Like at first you started out as just the social media, like Instagram. And then there was a decision made where, okay, we actually want you on the full mechanism where you see not just the social media, but also what's going on behind the scenes at

OnlyFans. Is that kind of what was going on?

Yeah.

Yeah. And so when I started to jump on that back end, and so as an account manager, you have to be reading every single conversation you have to see what's in their vault, what content do they already have? What do they need? How much sales are they making? Training the chatters to be able to talk and make as much money as possible.

 

So that's when I started to see everything and I was like, Oh my goodness. It's this isn't what people think it is. This isn't liberating. This isn't glamorous or something like this is pornography and it's really degrading and this is really confronting and  So for me, when I started seeing everything, I was feeling really uncomfortable and you know, I was struggling to work every day, open up my laptop, but, and I was just confused.

I was like, this is wrong, what we're doing. And I would ask people at the agency, I was like, what do you think about what we're doing? And someone said, it's like a safe injecting heroin room. People are going to do drugs. They need a safe place to do them. We give people a safe place to do porn.

And then, other people would be like, Oh, I just bury my head in the sand. Someone's got to do this job. And I was like, nah, this.  This doesn't sit well with me. And then one 

day one of the girls that I was managing, I was looking at her and I was like, Oh my goodness, this is what my three year old niece could look like when she grows up.

And then it just clicked it. And it was like, she became a human. And I was like, Oh my gosh. I was 

like, that's someone's niece. And I was like, if my brother's daughter did only fans, he would be devastated. That's someone's 

daughter. That's someone's niece. Why is it okay that. She's doing this.  And so from there, I was like, I ended up getting out of my circle, which is again, why I think it's so important.

I was seeking answers and I was trying to figure it out. And I ended up back at church at a church service and out of all the services that I could have ended up at, the speaker was talking about the dangers of porn in our society, in 

a church, which is crazy. And they were saying how OnlyFans is destroying, the next generation and it's hurting our youth and all of that.

And for me, it was just like this aha moment of Oh my gosh, like it all makes sense. Like it, it is wrong what we're doing. And so that was all the turning points. And that happened on a Sunday that I heard this service and by the Friday I'd quit the agency and walked away from everything.

 

I'd love to dive in a little bit deeper into, really the things that you saw that, that were having that effect on you, where it was just, it wasn't sitting well, and I'm curious, was it like the behavior of the men that were messaging in, or what was it that you were seeing that  changed your mind?

Yeah, absolutely. So I think that again, we use a lot of this soft language, content creator only fans creator and all these things, and it doesn't really land on what the reality is. And what this is it's sex work and it's pornography. And when you can correctly label what this is, you have a better understanding.

And then as well, we say women's liberation, freedom all of these things, as soon as you sign up to the platform, you're indoctrinated in this ecosystem of sex work. It's not that only fans is over here and then prostitution, escorting stripping, whatever is on the other side. It's all the same thing.

And it's all the one ecosystem. Yeah. And so what I was seeing, 

 as soon as you come onto this platform, again, people think that, Oh, I'm in control. And you're actually not because you're at, the beck and call of your subs because it's a service you're commodifying your body. So you are a service.

And so these subscribers already have a sense of entitlement because they're like, I'm paying for you. I want to 

see this. And so again, if you don't service your customers then you're not a very good business, so you're not making a lot of money. So you already have this, subconscious influence from your subscribers and when your value is you, that takes such a mental toll because if you're not making money, if you're having all these men disgruntled at you, of course, that's going to chip away at you.

And then if you do have an agency again, what is an agency? It's an online pimp. And so they want to make as much money from you as possible. They want you to do the most, crude things as possible. It's so competitive. You can't, just be at whatever level you feel comfortable with. And even that we can get into as well, but.

You have this false sense of empowerment anyways, because we tell you what you should do and but we can get into that. But yeah, so basically that was the biggest thing I was seeing. You're coming into this  insidious system that you think is liberation and freedom, but from both angles you're being Basically taken advantage of immediately.

 

And that really struck me. And then as well, 

 



why are we glorifying and encouraging young women to do porn? It just doesn't make, it didn't make sense to me. I'm like, these girls are excessive.  They all are so unique and they have so many wonderful characteristics about them because it wasn't just that we represented them.

The allure of the agency was we had parties and dinners and it was a community. And so you got to know these girls and I'm like, it is so sad that as a culture and as a society, we're saying that your biggest value, your biggest dream and your biggest hope should be how much money can you make from selling your most intimate parts on the internet.

And I was like, that's

literally the opposite of liberating.  

And so that narrative just was really getting shattered for me, but they were the things that really sat heavy in my heart 

of like how will we rewarding a girl having sex on camera and saying that's good?  



 I mean, it's one of the things that is, it's so sad when you start to see the glorification of the, just what we're seeing. It's not just on OnlyFans, but on Instagram, on TikTok, where you see young girls basically,  selling themselves and selling, bikini photos. It's one of the things we see a lot with men with porn addiction is that it's a slippery slope from these, thirst traps and things like that on Instagram.

And just how glorified that is in our society today. And it sounds like you were really seeing the underbelly of that in OnlyFans. 

yeah, absolutely. And again, you think that, from an agency perspective, hypothetically we're for you and, it's no, we're not for you. We're for you if you make us money. So what is 

that, coercion and manipulation. And so again, it just really shatters that reality that this is something that is a positive.

And.  A lot of girls, unfortunately, are so wrapped up in this illusion that, someone asked me, Oh if they're, doing this on their own free will, and if they choose to, why is it bad? I'm like, but is it free will? If you're only hearing one side of a story, if you're not given the ability to make a well rounded whole picture decision.

Is it actually free will? And I think that's 

something why I care about it so much to

not necessarily demonize it, you know, but again, 

 

with people saying, from a male's perspective, why not watch porn? Who cares? It's no, do you understand the ramifications of if you go down that slope and what can happen?

And if you do continue to watch porn and the addiction gets worse and worse, and then, it can manifest into, you want to act out these things in real life. And then Before you know it, you're like, Oh my gosh, I wanted to rape someone because I saw it. Like when you can understand the full picture of something, you can make a well educated decision on it.

And I don't think that 

there's enough conversations about the possible downsides,  



yeah, I think that's a really important point you're bringing up that it's almost like people are being And particularly young women are being seduced by the promise of this because all they see From popular culture and from social media is hey if you get into only fans You can make tens of thousands of dollars a month and all you have to do is post pretty pictures of yourself in lingerie or something Whereas that's what's seducing them into it Whereas the truth is that's a slippery slope and the farther you go into it the darker it gets

Correct. Absolutely. And a statistic that I love to throw out for people. But it's just the fact, again, you say it's painted with this picture of glamorous and money and cash and all of this there was a study done and in 2021, there was 2. 1 million creators on 2021. So there'd be way more now. And out of all of those creators, only 300  of them making the millions. 

And so 

average wage is literally like 140 USD a month. And so it's realistically, you're probably not going to get super rich and super famous and super glamorous. From it. The way that people think that you do.

Yeah. Wow. So millions of content creators and only a few hundred of them are actually living that kind of super luxurious lifestyle where they're getting compensated.

Yeah. And so people could say, Oh, but you know, if you're making true 300, 000 a year, that's a good wage and I'm like, yes, but that's not necessarily enough to retire on. Just say, 

so then what are you doing? Just say, I saw it firsthand at the agency.

If maybe you've been working in the porn industry and doing this type of work for three to four years. Four or five years. And you've just cracked a million in the bank. That's not actually enough for you to retire on as, a 28, 29 year old woman. And so imagine you're in a position, which a lot of girls it happens is they're like, I don't want to do this anymore.

I feel stuck because now my porn is everywhere because it's not protected. Being on only fans. It really isn't. And so now it's I feel like I can't get a normal job. I feel like I can't leave this. This is the only thing I'm good for. What do I do? I have a mortgage. I have car repayments, but I hate what I'm doing.

I don't want to sell myself anymore, but what else am I good for? And that's a huge problem that we see with a lot of these women as well as they get so wrapped up in this thing that the only thing I can do Is this job, but I don't want to do it anymore. So what do I do? And I 

think that's really sad.

And not a lot of people think about that. They don't think about, okay if I start this and if I jump on the platform, okay, I won't make millions, but I could make a couple hundred thousand, but at what cost, like your photos 

being on the internet eternity, and then what are you going to do after that?

Are you going to try and get a job in an office? And that majority of the guys have seen you naked. We really need to think about these things before, we jump on and think we're just going to make some cash and have this mad life.

Yeah, I think I heard you also talking about some of the stuff that you were seeing in the agency and stuff you maybe read about how These agencies want younger and younger girls because that's what's really selling. Could you tell me a little bit about that? What are some of the statistics on

Yeah.  So what I saw personally at the agency there's so many different ways that you can market girls through backend ways. And so there was this one, website that I found and the easiest way I can explain it is it's like OnlyFans white pages. And so you can see, just thousands of different girls accounts and they're all categorized.

And so 

 

the most popular accounts is teen, barely legal. And what's the other one?  Teen, barely legal and like fresh,  or something like that, like really gross ones. And then what we saw at the agency as well as those, this one girl that we had and we lied about her age. And so we'd say that she's this 18 year old girl and I had this whole facade about her and she was the top seller at the agency.

And it's because of this age factor. And so then. We started looking for girls that were younger and 

 

there is a statistic. I don't know exactly the click rate, but the most looked up categories of porn is barely legal, fresh teen. And like young girls. And so

we started to scout the internet. And look for girls that do.

They look like they're 18 or if maybe they're 19, 20, 21, whatever. Would you say that you're barely legal and that you're a fresh 18 

year old? It'll make money. And it's that's like grooming and it's just so weird.  So dark 

yeah,

I heard you give the analogy and it's a such a You  Perfect analogy imagine if there was just a man standing on a street corner and, looking at 18, 19 year old girls walking by and stopping them and saying, Hey, you look really sexy would you like to come work for my prostitution ring? And just the similarities between that, that it really is like pimping out young girls.

yeah, absolutely. What's the difference. This is what I say to people. 

 

What is the difference between just say if it was, me and the agency owners. So for women standing on a street corner and looking for young girls and yet literally going up to them and saying, Hey, I think you're so cute.

Have you ever thought about doing only fans? How would you feel about saying that? Like you're 18, like blah, blah, blah. And you would literally say, you guys are like predators, you're freaks, get away from these girls. But this is literally what is happening on the internet. And so 

it's is it not real?

Or is it less bad because it's behind the guise of computer screen? Like it's just as real if we were standing there on a corner doing it. And yet for some 

weird reason, agencies and like OnlyFans and all of that, like if OnlyFans was like a person and OnlyFans was doing that, you'd be like you should be arrested.

So I don't understand why as a culture, we like glorify it. It really confuses me like now coming through and seeing what it is. Yeah, 

Yeah, I guess a lot of it is just the fact that it's so behind the scenes. Like my guess is that most people don't even realize there are these agencies that are going out and scouting out girls and trying to recruit young girls to this. They probably just think, Oh, everyone's just doing it on their own and 

of their own free will.

Whereas there is this machine behind it. 

Yeah, absolutely. And I think that.  Yeah. Again, people get so shocked when they're like, wait a minute, it's not the girl talking. And I'm like, okay, if there's a girl that has 2 million followers on Instagram, and then she's got, 500, 000 only fan subscribers, you actually think she's sitting there talking to 500, 000 people at once.

No way. 

And so it shatter s the illusion of only fans because the allure is this connection with a girl. And it's you're probably talking to some guy in the Philippines that's trained to make as much money as possible off you. You know? 

So I knew someone who was doing OnlyFans and was in an agency and they told me that essentially they have these call centers and actually the best call centers are hiring gay Filipino men because they're, they understand the psychology of men and they're the most kind of sexually active.

And so the likelihood is that you're talking to some. Gay Filipino man, rather than the only fans porn star that you think you're talking to. 

It's very interesting. Behind the scenes, what's going on. 

Someone said to me isn't that fraud? And I was like, I  don't know, I think so. If you think about that, impersonating a person to make money off other people that think that you're talking to someone, I was like, It has to be fraud. That's really wrong. Like it's, again, it's manipulation and it's yeah,

the other conversation that we need to start having is, the thing that, that I didn't realize until I started talking to some of the people in the industry is how much of it is manipulation to try to milk these men drive for their money. Like it's not just okay you pay 15 20 a month to get access but then behind the scenes there's all these like  Oh, hey.

Hey, baby, like just pay 200 and i'll send you this video. I just made and it's manipulating them Where men will lose thousands and thousands of dollars You

know thinking that they're getting a real connection with someone when they're really not Yeah

I wonder 

 

someone had asked me actually why do I think the only fence has really taken off, especially since COVID and  what, especially, porn industries are doing, which is what, I was working is it's targeting the softest essence of a man. And, men to  really generalize right now, but as we know really struggling with connections, they're struggling with love and, they're really, and what's the softest thing, like their sexuality, for women it can be a little bit different, but that's how you can really get to a man.

And I just think it's really sad that. That's what the porn industry does and it does it through and then it shames you and then shame keeps you entrapped because especially with a porn addiction as I'm sure you can probably elaborate more on this, but it's that shame that keeps it in because you don't want to tell people and then, but it's this weird addiction and then it's this weird rush.

And so I think it's just really. Something that we need to bring to the light that, it is, it's really taking advantage of men that are probably looking for a connection and they don't know how to find it. And this is how they're looking for it. And then they just get coerced, manipulated into this really sick addiction and yeah, I think we need to really be talking about both sides of the spectrum here. 

Yeah, I think it brings up such a good point that what it's really preying on is this desire for connection that men have. And

 this is one of the reasons why it's probably  even more addictive than just straight up porn, because you get the illusion of an actual connection. If you're a lonely guy or a guy that's feeling starved of connection and you think you're actually chatting with this girl.

It feels like it's a more personal connection. It's probably one of the reasons why people get so addicted to it.

Yeah, absolutely. We would tell the chatters to do the girlfriend experience. 

And so it was literally saying to these guys, yeah good morning. I've been thinking about you. How are you? The pet names. And there was this one guy who felt so connected to one of the only fans girls that like, he would send her children presents and I'm like, 

You're literally doing this and allowing him in your life this way, which is really dangerous, but because he's your top earner. 

And I'm like that poor man

feels like you care about him and is disillusioned enough to invest in this way. Like he needs help and agencies in the industry and all of that, and just taking advantage of people. 

and I saw you posted some statistics on your Instagram that's something some crazy statistic about the percentage of men of OnlyFans users who are Married

and who was it like 90 percent of OnlyFans users are married or something like that

That's crazy, isn't it? I have no idea how you can quantify that, to be honest with you. I'm not too sure. The only, but yeah, there was this 2024 study that I saw and yeah, it's 89.7% of men or something. I can get up the actual statistic. A married and it's so  this is like a huge, I think people think with porn.

I really going to tangent here because I really care about this. I think people think with porn, it's an us and them problem. And they think that it's an over here in the shadows thing. And it's but especially something like OnlyFans, what is the consequences of this? Okay. So 

 young children are being exposed at such an early age and such easy access through this over sexualization on social media and the easy access to things like OnlyFans.

Young girls are getting tainted into thinking that their only worth is their body and that's how they'll be rewarded in this life. And so that's a whole cycle for our youth that they're trying to navigate them for young adults like me. It's going I don't, Again, this is what's the rewarded behavior.

And then we're seeing the damages in relationships. And then you're seeing it stem all the way up that it bleeds into marriages. It bleeds into being able to have functioning dating lives, like whatever it is. And so it's not just Oh, it's an over here problem. It's like a multi generational problem.

And it doesn't matter if you're single, if you're married, if you're a guy, or if you're a girl, this actually bleeds into everyone. And I don't think people understand the gravity of that, you know, Okay. 

 

Yeah, definitely. It permeates everything. It's not just this small subset of, people who are watching porn. It's young boys, young girls, they're all getting influenced and educated on what they think is healthy intimacy, what they think is healthy self respect, or all of these things, and it bleeds out into the rest of our culture, for sure. 

Yeah.  

One of the things that I've talked about on my own Instagram channel is just the subtle ways that things like porn and OnlyFans, what they teach us, and the ways it's affecting us on a subtle level. So one of the examples I gave is that in no porn video ever, Has a girl said no to sex, right?

There's just you never see a girl saying no to sex because it wouldn't be porn And so what is that teaching young boys and young girls? It's teaching them that girls should always be in the mood

And young boys are getting this picture that like oh girls will never say no if I ask for sex They'll always say yes, because that's what I see in every porn video that I watch And so just the subtle ways that's affecting us.

It's

Yeah.

 

I had a conversation with a sex therapist and he was saying that there was a study done and basically men who were addicted to pornography, or I think even as simple as who regularly watched it was shown an image of a woman and an image of tools and the same parts of their brain lit up.

And so there's no distinction with men who watch porn between inanimate objects and a female. And I'm like that. It's really scary, because if yeah we're encouraging these dangerous women and we're rewarding this behavior and all of this, and then men are feeding into it more what are we like actually creating as a society and as a culture for males 

and females, 

yeah, the word objectification takes on a whole new meaning when you realize that when men are watching porn, the area that of their brains that are lighting up or the area associated with objects. It really, it's like we are training men to view women as objects rather than to view them as human beings

Yeah, absolutely. 

literally, training them to objectify people. 

yeah, and then, there's these whole arguments nowadays, like that you see, especially my generation of like men need to be when men and women need to be women and blah, blah, blah. It's okay, let's have a look at some of the root causes of this. And a big root cause of why women aren't feeling that men are being men and men don't feel women are being women is because of over sexualization.

And so if we can start to, I see it as like, when I talk to people about it, like a healthy one upmanship. And so this is a human problem. It's not a male problem or a female problem. So if women started to go, you know what, I'm not going to dress that way. I think about, I heard a gentleman in a podcast say, if you're a male and you're trying to practice purity and you're trying to not watch porn anymore, and then you go to the gym and it's not to blame anyone just to emphasize that.

But this is how considerate I think that we need to start being. And I really want to champion it in people. A girl wants a good guy, a respectful man, she's at the gym and you're intentionally wearing extremely provocative outfits. And there's a guy who's, struggling with pornography and he sees that and it's if we can just start to be more intentional with, as women, okay, you know what, let's not do that.

Let's, we can still dress in a great way and in a wonderful way and wear the makeup and have the nails and still look super cute without just wearing Oh, overtly sexualizing ourselves. And then that can help men to be able to, not play into the weakest part of their essence. And then they can try to, get better as well.

It's stopping what you can not, and then it's this beautiful dance of, okay, then men can respect women. Then women can do this. And then men, and it might be super hopeful and unrealistic, but I'm like, if we can champion. That in people

I think that we can really see a culture shift in this. 

it just, it feels like such a complicated issue. I think it's beautiful what you're saying and it's so hopeful and it's yes, But it's also there's so much momentum going in the opposite direction that there's so much from our society from the movies that we watch from  You know everything we see to incentivize young girls to look that way and to wear skimpy outfits and so much Incentives, you know just money Behind  Getting guys hooked on that kind of stuff.

Porn industry is bigger than all the Sports leagues in the u. s. Combined. It's crazy

That it's,

bigger than the nfl the mlb the nba 

I think that or at least I know human trafficking, but I'm pretty sure pornography is bigger than the drugs and ammunition trade as well. So it's massive. 

Wow, yeah I mean it's so it's a huge industry. So there's just so much momentum behind it. I can also you know I just want to point out Based on the last comment you made of okay A girl goes to the gym and wears this kind of Scantily clad provocative outfit I can hear the people already in the audience saying It shouldn't be the girl's responsibility to cover up, it's like It's you know, and there's a lot of truth to that.

It's like the statement like oh you got raped at the club. You shouldn't have worn that short skirt, right? And it's like clearly that's not the argument we're making

Yes. That's an 

Guys should do better Yeah

that's what I hope that people that are listening to that, just to emphasize, that's what I mean by it's not an us in them. It's not girls. You need to do this. And guys, you should no no. Let's look at this as a collective. And I know that it's really hopeful, but I'm like, it doesn't matter if this is the narrative that, we can start pushing that.

It's males and females. If we can actually come together and stop pinning things against each other, stop blaming males, stop blaming females. That's a big thing since I've come into this space that I really want to emphasize to champion both genders and to say, it's not that there's a lack and I shouldn't wear the, and I don't have to like, it's no.

Let's just start to come back to a community essence and to start to come back to being considerate of other people. And again if you are someone who does feel affected by that, and I would love a really good man or something like that, just as a hypothetical if you can start championing yourself.

And to go, you know what, why do I wear those outfits? Do I wear them because I genuinely enjoy wearing them? Or is there some sort of agenda? Is it because I'm told to wear this? Do I not feel beautiful? If I don't wear that, if I did hypothetically wear a t shirt at the gym, would I feel like people aren't looking at me?

And so the corrections in this behavior is not to point blame at someone, but it's just to champion people and to understand it. So personally for me. I've always been in the gym. I've, I've been a powerlifter, I've done bodybuilding. I've always loved it. And so when I started to understand myself better.

I understood that I did enjoy wearing skimpy outfits at the gym because I enjoyed that gaze. When now that I have more self confidence and self assurance in myself, I don't feel the need to do that anymore. And so I think that's a great message because it champions you to go, okay, why am I wearing the outfits?

What is the heart posture behind it? As well, I can help to be more considerate of people around me. And so I don't, I hope that it doesn't 

come across as a negative or putting people down. I just think that. It's such a countercultural message, but if we can wrap our heads, heart posture behind it it's a tiny micro step that we can all take to just bettering this, where it's, hopefully as simple as that and not twisted into appointing blame at people 

type of 

Yeah,  I think It's

just, we need a holistic approach and I can imagine like the end goal going for full circle, like getting to the point in our society where we have corrected and we have gotten to a place where  we're not so hyper sexualized and there's so much emphasis on a girl's value being just in how good she looks that in the future, if there is more of this balance where. People have a healthy respect for women that you then could have women say just appreciating their body and wearing something provocative because they like that, but it's just our society right now is so far in the opposite extreme  that we need to come back to a healthy balance first before yeah, it's complicated.

It's one of these

so difficult. 

Do

we celebrate sexuality? Do we, 

yeah, because we don't want to shame sexuality either way.

Absolutely. And the thing is this industry thrives on shame as we touched on before. And that's the biggest goal, I think, when you do speak about these things is to emphasize that there's no shaming people, but I think education is really important.

And again, heart posture. And so why are you wanting to do the OnlyFans? Is it because you are a genuine whole?  And you see this as a way to explore your sexuality and you don't have any wounds. This isn't a branch of some sort of root trauma because we see in statistics all the time that majority of sex workers have been abused.

And this is a huge thing. And this is one of the branches of that abuse is getting into sex work. And so I think that. A holistic approach to this is not demonizing an industry, not demonizing sex buyers and sex workers, but really focusing on championing people. That's what I, that's why when I go into schools and when I do talk about this stuff with girls, I use so many of my own personal anecdotes on my life.

Just growing up the photos I used to post the outfits I used to wear the lip filler. I used to have the makeup and it wasn't demonize these things, but to say, Hey, this is what a lot of the narrative is of what people do. Okay. But what is your heart posture behind it? For me, it was insecurities. It was that I felt like I needed to be that way to be liked, loved, respected to have guys like me and all the things.

And then for me, my manifestation of insecurities. Wasn't doing porn, but it was business. I didn't feel like I would be successful or make it or be worthy or value unless I had some balling business. And so all of that led to very bad decisions and very dumb and very painful decisions. And so now that I've been able to really reassess myself, have a look at my heart posture.

Why I do things I then organically make adjustments hypothetically, like not wearing super sexual outfits anymore because I don't feel the need to put myself out there like that anymore because I'm assured in my value and what I bring to the table aside from my body. And so I think 

That's more the narrative.

If we can champion in women that, because a lot of women do get into the industry from insecurities, from feeling a lack of, from less than, and then when social media is propagating this message that you're rewarded for this,  of course, these girls are going to go to it. And so that's why I hope that having counter cultural. 

It can be like, you don't have to do that. You can be just as successful, happy, liked, adored and have all your hopes and dreams from your own capacity, not from your body. And then for males, again, championing them and going, you don't have to sit there and be a slave to pornography.

You don't have to be a slave.  desires and, all you do is think about sex and all these things. And, you can be in control and you can be a high value male who, doesn't have to sit there in shame and in guilt and indulge in this thing you can have full control over your body and have a beautiful, healthy, fulfilling relationship in any capacity.

And so we can get into the nitty gritties of, an example of a gym outfit. But again, what I like to zoom out on and really emphasize in these conversations, what is your heart posture? Why are you doing things? Have a look at that. And if you can be brutally honest with yourself, I think a lot of people would make very different decisions in their life.

And I think that when you talk about porn and sex addiction and all of that again, yeah, a lot of it comes from abuse, lack of insecurities. And so if we can try and alleviate those problems, all these other problems would melt away  for a 

really long winded answer. Sorry.

No, I love it. It was

beautiful. I, there's so much good good stuff in there. I'm curious what advice you might have for a young woman who is on the edge, who can see themselves getting intrigued by wanting to do this. Maybe they're entranced by it. They've been seduced by it.

They think, Hey, this is an easy way to make some money. Why not?  What would you want to say to someone like that?

Yeah. A big thing I suggest for people who are a little bit older, not necessarily a hundred percent for teenagers, but to say, if you are like that 18, 19, 20 year old, and your brain's a little bit more developed, but I say, sit there  and ask yourself why. And this is a really beautiful exercise. You can literally make it as practical as put a 10 minute timer on your phone and sit there and go,  I want to sign up for OnlyFans.

Why? I need money. Why? I. I don't know. I don't have a job right now. Why? I just quit my, like, why? Because why? And then you can really get to the root cause. So just say, I feel like I want to make a bunch of money. Why? I don't feel that I can make money in my own capacity. I need to say, Oh, there's my root cause.

Or I feel that if I do this, people will like me. Okay. There's my root cause. I have a validation problem or I have a, you know what I mean? So if you can sit there and just literally for 10 minutes before you jump on that platform before. Before you sign up, before you post that picture or whatever, just be really brutally honest with yourself.

Sit there for 10 minutes and ask yourself why. And if you can be totally vulnerable and get to that root cause, I'm very confident that you will make an alternative decision and that you will sit there and go, wow, I actually, I have some things I need to work on. I now realize them. I'm now aware of them.

Let's focus on maybe fixing that root cause instead of going down this path which when you jump onto the internet, you have a digital footprint for eternity. And so that's a really big thing that I encourage girls to do. Just sit there, ask yourself why, put a timer on for 10 minutes, be brutally honest with yourself and see if you can get to the root cause of why you're wanting to jump on that platform. 

Yeah, I think this brings up another Tangential point which we could probably have a whole podcast on but the topic of seeking validation through social media, I mean It's one of the things that's so scary Even if we don't talk about porn or only fans and getting into that just the mental health effects That we have on young women and young men through social media and wanting to get more likes and wanting to Be an influencer and  Post these perfect images and there's so much mental health Issues going on with the younger generation and with my generation as well.

Adults as well experiencing anxiety and depression I'm curious, what would you say to someone who's just maybe a teen girl who? Notices that when she posts, you know a more provocative picture She's getting more likes and she's really getting addicted to that External validation.

What would you say there? Yeah,

yeah, go to schools and speak about this, the biggest thing With teenagers is we have to remember that all they care about is being liked. All they care about is being included. And so the biggest emphasis is okay, that's fine. But I really try my best to instill some sort of foundational values.

And even if it's just a seed planter, I think with teenagers, especially it's too hard to sit there and get them to sometimes grasp, the full extent of what this can lead to. And so for me, it's just going, okay. When I've gone and like when I speak and stuff like that, it's how can we implement some foundational values in you?

And so let's just sit there and you are posting that Instagram, you're seeing that you're getting the likes that boys messaging you on Snapchat. I get it. It's exciting. It's fun, but let's just think of five things that you value in yourself that is not based on your looks. And so are you a really good friend?

Are you really funny? Are you great at soccer? Do you love math or whatever it is? And so if you can just implement five things that aren't based on your looks, when you navigate through life and you're faced with a challenge of, Oh, I'm finding myself caring more and more about my body. I'm hoping that you can use this as a tool to go, but wait a minute.

That boy just asked me for a naked photo on Snapchat, but I'm actually really hilarious and I have a lot of value in myself for how generous I am and how sporty I am. I don't need to send that picture to him for him to like me because I know my foundational values. That's the whole theory behind it.

And even if they can't understand that hypothetically in the now, if you can plant that in people, I wish I had that growing up, that someone gave me a counter cultural narrative of, Hey, Victoria, this thing called Instagram is popping up. It's getting really big for me. It got really big in year nine, but you had Facebook and all of that.

Do you know that? You're actually really honest and you're really kind and really caring. And you should really put your value in that and not in those likes and not in seeing what those other girls post. And if I just had that, maybe as a seed planter, I think it could have mitigated a lot of uh, you know, silly decisions in my life.

So for young teenage girls, I just really encourage them to figure out what their foundational values are and hope that can plant a seed for them. So when they are navigating the digital landscape, they can just think back to that moment and go, Oh, this is what I actually am valuing myself for. So I'm not going to get sucked in to that.

I'm not going to get into the likes because I'm actually really cool. And again, I'm not super hopeful but I think if we can, I think there's a lot of power in it, to be honest with you.

I think it's planting a seed. It always starts small and I think, the scary thing is just how much momentum there is in the opposite direction. But I think the only solution is that it's the only path forward is that it's going to come through these small kind of changing the narrative and giving people a counter narrative and saying, Hey, you can actually  value yourself and find self worth, not just in.  How many likes you're getting on Instagram, but in your scholastic achievements and your character and your integrity, all these kinds of other things.

Yeah, I know. I seem like almost delusional in my hope, but the only reason why I guess you could say that I am is because I had the change, and so if one human can have the change and then even in all the work I've done, I've seen people that have come out of the sex industry and that are in these spaces and that are speaking up, and so it may seem like it is so in the opposite direction.

And, this chick is like delusional and what she thinks right now. But the pendulum really truly is starting to swing and these countercultural conversations are coming up. And in my mind, I'm like, if one person can change, if I can change, and if I can truly see my value and, shatter this narrative of the porn industry and social media, then absolutely another person out there can.

And so that's why I guess you have to have a little bit of delusional hope  when you're 

in these  fields.

And I don't think it's entirely delusional. I think there's more and more people like you and people like me who are speaking up and speaking out about this and

saying, Hey, this is not a healthy way to live. Let's change the narrative and let's educate young boys and young girls and educate adults too.

Cause adults are just as. brainwashed and sucked in, we can change the narrative because, we came out of it and other people

can too. 

Yeah. 

What has been just out of pure curiosity, like the biggest benefit for you personally, that you've seen since, you've stopped all the porn and everything like that. The one thing that's like a total game changer for you. 

 don't know if I could pick one. And that's the problem. It's not like there's one big thing. It's just everything. Integrity, self compassion, focus. It's really everything, but I think In this moment, probably the one thing that I would probably put at the top of the list is that I feel  better about my relationships with my intimate partner. It's like the people with my, with romance and sexuality, I feel I have more integrity. The big thing was that objectification, like seeing the way that I was objectifying women and the way that I was out of integrity and ruining my own sense of inner peace because of this hungry ghost craving for more and never satisfied. There's so much it's just all The ways that I can actually take joy in my life rather than always looking at what I don't have

It's a big mess because there's so many benefits

love that though. 

men listening to this. It's like  There's not just one thing it affects everything in your life. So yeah so many things

Yeah. That's awesome though. That's so good to hear.

On that note, I'm curious for you, we've been talking about how this affects young women and advice you have for young women.  If there are men out there who are listening to this and thinking a little bit of porn here and there, it's not that big of a deal. I'm curious what you would say to people who have that point of view. 

that's a great question. I If you were like an addict. And it's you used to be a really big drinker to say, maybe not even an addict. You were someone that would binge drink and you had a real problem with your consumption.  And you're like, Oh, but I know that if I have just one drink here and one drink there, Oh, it could lead to a binge.

Maybe, oops, it might lead down that road, but it might not.  Like why do you want to play with that line? I think is a really good question to ask yourself because if you're opening it up,  like why put yourself at risk and danger of getting into that habit, getting into that addiction, getting into that risk is I guess quite a preventative way of looking at it, but then also ask yourself, why are you watching it every now and then?

What happens?

What is the catalyst for that every now and then? Are you doing it as a comforter when you feel lonely? Is it when you get rejected? And then if you're like, oh, but it's just when I'm wanting, why are you playing into that again? Why are we telling men to just  feed into every single desire that they have?

This is why, we see other problems come from this. Why can't you champion yourself and go? No, I know that I'm feeling this way, but I'm not going to do it. Potentially lower myself. I know how I feel after I watch porn. I have so much regret. I'm like, ew, watched that. My brain's all fuzzy.

Why put yourself through that? Even twice a month, like champion yourself, be better in yourself, and just remember that if you go in, I think that's the biggest thing. Again, it's this weird thing of why, but why are you doing it? What entices you? What is the catalyst for it and really identifying that.

And then you might find that, yeah, your pattern is every time I get rejected, I watch porn and it's my comforter. And then you can go, Oh I don't want that. I think it's just 

that self awareness is a really good question to start on why you even think it's okay to watch it every now and then.

Yeah.  One of the things that you've talked about is the link between OnlyFans are porn and sex trafficking, and I'm curious, what have you found out about the connection there?

The definition, I will butcher this, I can look it up if you want me to, but I just had someone tell me it the other day. The American definition of sex and human trafficking. It is these words of coercion, manipulation 

And I always thought that human trafficking was you take someone and like you put them in a van and then you force them to do things.

And it's that's actually 

not the reality of what it is. It's manipulating people into something. And then you're basically in a weird way, holding them hostage, which what a lot of 

agencies do. 

To perform sexual acts or perform any type of, inhumane act. And it's that's what we're encouraging here.

When you know, you 

see that post on the daily news or whatever of celebrities that are making money, you're encouraging coercion.  into doing something that people aren't really aware of what they're doing or what they're getting into and they're getting manipulated into it. And so when you can really understand that gravity of that, and again, not putting soft words with it, not saying that you're encouraging liberation through content creation.

You're encouraging human trafficking through pornography online. I 

think that you can really start to, to grasp the fact that this isn't some cutesy pretty thing. It is quite, quite a serious thing. And then you can get into this whole thing that I don't know too much about, but I have seen, especially like women in third world countries, I saw it a little bit at the agency through someone else who had an agency, they target girls in third world countries or in 

poorer places.

To join an agency. So their whole agency might be women in Brazil or something like that work in this, that live in the slums and they actually 

somehow find them and message them and be like, Hey, come do OnlyFans and make all this money. If that's not coercion and human trafficking. 

Where there's so much more to it than just, chicks in America and in Australia doing it.

There's a whole world out there that's being targeted by this.

And I think that's probably part of the issues that the PR behind it is like.  Oh, OnlyFans are just these young independent women who are doing it just because they love their body whereas the probably 90 percent of it behind the screens is maybe people who have been coerced into it or Have been lured into it with false promises or something like that

Absolutely. And again, a big thing that people don't understand is the content that you see on OnlyFans. If someone is in control of a girl's account, you, there is no screening process for if that content if that porn is rape, there is no screening 

process for it. And 

Again, someone could be coerced into doing it or they could be filming something and someone's in control of their account.

And then them getting raped is just put on OnlyFans for everyone to see.  Like 

 

I 

had one of my friends tell me she left the porn industry 11 years ago now, or 10 years ago now. And one of her first ever videos, she gets choked unconscious. And that's still on the internet for people to see. And no one cared about her people like you're right.

You're good. Let's keep going. And it's so you don't actually even know  what you're watching. You could be watching someone getting raped 

and that's another thing. I think that we think is exclusive to porn.  or people don't even know that happens in porn. But that happens on OnlyFans too.

Yeah, just the horror stories that you hear about  Some of the things that happen and it's just  It breaks your heart when you hear some of the stories. 

Yeah, absolutely. And again, it's on the internet for eternity. And I think people need to just not doomsday, but think of the magnitude of that. 

Yeah.  What do you see as being next for you in terms of the work that you're doing? Like where do you see yourself working in the future? 

I have no idea. This is, to be honest this whole transformation and everything has been 10 months. So it was 10 months ago that I left the agency. And it's only been honestly about  maybe a month and a half, two months of really going hard at this. And  so for me, what I would love to see happen is yeah, just being able to educate girls in schools, talk about this, champion people.

Champion young men as well and not just, focus on that. And I'm really blessed that I get to go to the States in July to speak about this on other platforms as well. And I think that's my biggest goal right now is just, let's get this out there as a counter cultural conversation.

Let's educate people on it. And for me, just see where that adventure takes me.

Yeah. So it just really sounds like you're just shining a light on something that you really care about, that there's been such a one sided narrative about OnlyFans being this liberating, beautiful thing where you can make thousands of dollars and you're trying to bring some balance to the conversation. 

Absolutely. As weird as it might sound, but yeah, I just really care about people. And I guess my perspective of it before was this is something good and positive and liberating. So it's okay. Now that I've firsthand seen that reality, I'm like, Oh my gosh, like our poor teenage girls, our poor teenage boys, we need to protect these kids.

And then, sorry, excuse me. We need to really educate, young adults and adults on what's really going on their phones through social media and stuff like that. Again, just to help. Mitigate risk for people. I 

just really care about. Yeah, 

And I love that you bring that perspective that it's not just damaging for young girls. It's, it's damaging for young boys as well. Like it's really harms everyone. In different ways, but we're really doing a disservice to our whole society. 

absolutely. I couldn't imagine how hard it would be to be an adolescent boy. And you just from what I understand anyways, from my conversations is you just wake up one day and you're totally different. You see Girls in a different way.

You have all these different. Feelings and emotions and physiological things that happen. And you don't know how to control them or what to do. And there's no education really in schools on how young boys navigate those feelings. Of course there's sex education on, what happens from a biological perspective, but not from that everyday mental type of thing, and schools don't do it, from a religious aspect, churches don't really talk about that as well.

And so where do young men get their education from? From their phones or from magazines, like before social media was a thing. And so of course they're thinking, Oh, I watched this video, then something happens and then I feel better. Therefore, this must be the cure to all of these things, but they're not understanding that's making it worse. 

And so I think that's a really big conversation that we do need to be having, that there needs to be more education for young boys. I don't know how that looks or what the capacity like that is, but to help guide them, especially when they have smartphones now. On how to navigate all those thoughts and feelings and emotions.

And not just 

start watching it like 10 years old. 

yeah, and I think one of the really damaging things is that  young boys who are watching this and getting their education from porn  They don't realize that everything that they're watching is a fantasy created by men. They're thinking that this is what sex looks like and that this is what healthy sex looks like.

And this is what women want, what they're seeing on the front page of Pornhub. And it's just totally distorting, healthy intimacy and what it actually should look like and how they should be showing up in relationships.

Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. I couldn't agree more. That's why as I said to you before we started, that's why I respect, you so much and what you do. It's such a vulnerable conversation, especially for men. I feel to have. And so much respect that the fact that you're like, no, I do, I want to help, but this has been my, experience and it's not it.

And look at all the benefits you have. And I think it's really powerful, to do that. So yeah, I respect you so 

much for it.  

Is there any message that you would like to leave our listeners with today?

I think the most important thing when you're talking about this is not just to fall into what social media says and to go, Oh, but this is empowering. This is liberation. This is this I've heard, everything from, Oh, there's prostitution in the Bible, so therefore it's fine. I think. Really educate yourselves to really understand why this is a problem and don't just fall into what you see on social media.

Take a minute, think about what are the ripple effects? What are the consequences of this? And. If you are struggling with it, even if it's not, an extreme of your, you're doing only fans, but you do find that you are posting pictures that way. You're jumping on the dating apps. You are sending those pictures or you're very, happy to jump into bed with someone because it feels like it validates you or whatever.

Just take a minute and really, again, think about your why for 10 minutes, get to your root cause and try your best to see why you're doing the things that you're doing. And just.  Take a second to try and shatter the cultural narrative that we see right now. And have some, thoughts that come from you and your own well rounded decisions on things. 

I love that the why exercise because it's so powerful not just for women but for the men listening to this as well ask yourself why do you want to watch porn like okay why do you want to watch this why do you want to engage in this and is it really your best self are you in integrity when you're doing this or does some part of you know that you're out of integrity 

it's a powerful exercise

Yeah. Yeah. I hope people find it useful. I do. 

Yeah.  Wonderful. Last question for you is where can people get connected with you or can they find out more about your work?

So my instagram is victoria dot Sinus S I N I S. And then my website is creating gems. Through that you can book me for schools and then obviously anything like this. And then if you are in the states as well I'm doing like a little speaking tour in july there. So you can also catch me there and book me on that.

But yeah, instagram and tick tock. Mhm. Is the biggest places to catch me in my websites on those.

Wonderful. It's been a joy to have you on the podcast and I'm sure that people will get a lot of wisdom from this episode. So  thanks for coming on again. And yeah, that's it for today, folks. We will catch you all on the next episode.​