86. The 5 Essential Principles in Recovery That Ensure Your Recovery is Long-lasting

In this episode of Unhooked, Jeremy Lipkowitz shares five key principles for achieving long-lasting recovery from porn addiction. He also announces the launch of the Unhooked Academy group coaching program, offering an accessible alternative to one-on-one coaching with a special discount for the first five participants. Jeremy's principles include focusing on positive aspirations, letting go of toxic shame, not relying solely on willpower, taking extreme ownership, and seeking community support. Join Jeremy as he delves into these comprehensive strategies for sustainable recovery.

00:00 Welcome to Unhooked: Breaking Free from Porn Addiction

00:30 Introducing the Unhooked Academy Group Coaching Program

02:56 Five Principles of Recovery to Overcome Porn Addiction

12:03 Closing Remarks and Special Offer Reminder

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Interested in joining the Unhooked Academy Program?
https://www.unhookedacademy.com/

Apply for a free discovery call to explore 1:1 coaching: https://www.jeremylipkowitz.com/intro

Connect with me on Social:
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/jeremylipkowitz/
Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/c/JeremyLipkowitz
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ABOUT JEREMY LIPKOWITZ

Jeremy overcame addiction, shame, self-judgement, and depression in his early twenties with the help of mindfulness meditation. Mindfulness not only helped him let go of destructive behaviors, it also allowed him to connect with deeper meaning and purpose in his life.

For the past 10 years Jeremy has been teaching mindfulness and emotional intelligence practices at universities, recovery centers, and companies throughout Asia and the US. He holds a Bachelors and Master’s degree in Genetics and Genomics, and spent several years at Duke University working towards a PhD in Genetics & Systems Biology before he turned full-time to teaching mindfulness.

Jeremy is also an ICF certified Executive Coach. As a former scientist and academic, Jeremy has a great passion for bringing his EI based coaching skills into the corporate and professional world. He realizes how powerful & transformative these practices can be for skeptics and senior-level managers. He is known for his calm and grounded demeanor, his expertise in habits and high-performance, and his compassionate approach to transformation.

Transcript

 You're listening to unhooked. On today's episode. Five principles of recovery that will help you break free from porn addiction. For good. So stay tuned. 



So hello, ladies and gentlemen, Jeremy Lipkowitz here coming at you with another episode of unhooked another solo episode today. It is a beautiful Sunday afternoon here in Bangkok. I am just getting ready to head to the climbing gym. But before I do that, I wanted to record this week's episode. And this week, we have a very special announcement.

Starting in just a few weeks, I will be launching the unhooked academy group coaching program. This is a program that has been in the works for a few months. Now, you might've heard a few announcements in some of the previous episodes that it's coming up. And now it is officially here. There are already a few members inside the community. Very exciting and it is now officially live. 

So I wanted to talk just a little bit about that first, before we dive into the content for today.  So first, what I want to say is this program is for any of those of you out there who have been.  Wanting a way to get started with on hooks, wanting a way to get started with diving into this recovery program. 

But for some reason, maybe having felt called for the one-on-one coaching, or maybe can't afford the one-on-one coaching. This group coaching experience is going to be a much more accessible way to get started.  So, what I want to announce is a very special offer for those of you listening today, that for the first five guys signing up, you will get a $800 discount. After those five guys, it will go back up to the full price. 

So I wanted to make that announcement here, that for the first five guys who sign up, you get $800 off the price. Then it goes back up to the full price.  So if you're interested, I want you to sign up for a discovery call. You can find the link to that in the show notes. And just make sure that in your application for the program, you mentioned the unhooked academy group coaching program, rather than being interested in one-on-one. The cohort for this is going to start on June 11th. 

So just a couple of weeks away, we will be starting the first round of the unmarked academy group coaching program. So if you're interested in getting support, if you're interested in getting access to the unhooked academy, Curriculum and online training videos and a community of men. We're going through similar issues and we're going to be supporting each other.  This is the program for you. So get in touch today. 

Again, the first five guys get $800 off. After that, it goes back up to the full price.  And now. Onto today's show. 

So on today's show, I want to talk about. What I consider a five very important principles of recovery. That are going to help you break free from this addiction and not just break free temporarily, but importantly that are going to give you that long lasting and sustainable recovery. So this is about recovery that goes to the root of the addiction. Recovery that is actually thorough and comprehensive. 

Not one. That's just going to last for a few weeks or a few months. And then lead to relapse, but long lasting and sustainable recovery.  So these are my five principles of recovery. 

The first principle is to connect with where you want to go, not what you want to run away from.  

What this means is to connect with what does your ideal life look like? Who's involved in your ideal life. Where are you? What are you doing with your time? What are your values? You know, where do you want to go in life?  This is important because we need to have a foundation of recovery that is positive and uplifting. Rather than one, which is repressive or judgmental in nature.  So if your recovery is based all on fear or judgment or suppression, What you don't want. It won't go very far and it will likely lead to not only relapse, but to what we call the ironic rebound effect, where you try to prevent something and suppress it. And then when you slip up, you end up acting out even a worse than before.  So, what we need is a recovery strategy. 

That's based on hope that's based on your aspirations. What your vision of a beautiful and meaningful life looks like. So we need a positive fuel source. It is okay to use a negative few soul. Fuel source. And in fact, this is something that did help me and it can help you too. To envision where you don't want to go.  But that can't be the primary fuel source you need. A more uplifting, a more inspirational fuel source as well. 

Because again, if it's entirely this fear based. Suppression based criticism based approach. It's just going to lead to a negative mental space and that is not conducive. For real recovery cause real recovery. We're trying to build a beautiful life, a life that you don't need to escape from. So it's gotta be an uplifting one, a positive, fun.  





Recovery principle. 

Number two is to let go of toxic shame. So, no matter what your addiction is, whether it's to porn or junk food or video games or gambling or anything.  To let go of the shame of feeling broken or feeling unworthy.  This is so critical. You have to remind yourself that no matter how bad your addiction gets, it doesn't mean you are broken or unworthy of love. And it definitely means that you are not alone. 

So to always remember, you're not alone, no matter what you're going through. And for point in particular. To understand. It's okay to have sexual desires and fantasies. Not only is it okay. It's a beautiful part of being human to have sexual desire. Right. So desire is not the enemy. It's the way that we might act on those desires. 

Unskillfully that's the problem.  To also recognize that you've used porn in the past as a way to cope with challenging situations to get your needs met, to Sue the yourself in the past. Recognizing it comes from a wholesome place of wanting to take care of yourself.  So an important part of this. Principle is to remember the difference between shame and guilt.  Shame says I am a bad person. Guilt says I did a bad thing.  That difference is very important because it is important to hold onto some, some guilt or what we might call pro-social shame. Which is the understanding of, Hey, that thing I did, wasn't wholesome. 

It wasn't skillful. It wasn't good. And I shouldn't do it again. But to not identify with that, or take that on as a part of your identity as being a bad person.  

Recovery principle, number three. Don't focus on willpower alone. We know now through countless studies, that willpower is a limited resource. And it can't be the only foundation of your recovery. It should be a part of your recovery. You know, learning how to use willpower, learning how to cultivate willpower as well and strengthen your willpower.  But you can't rely on it as the only source. 

And this is one of the reasons I see most men failing in their recovery efforts. Is that willpower is the main or sometimes the only strategy that they're employing to try to break free.  So instead of willpower, we want to use what we call behavioral architecture. Particularly early on in your recovery journey.  What behavioral architecture is, is becoming an architect of your environment.  As a support for your behaviors. 

So what this looks like might be getting rid of all your porn viewing stuff. All your paraphernalia, deleting your bookmarks.  Deleting old files, whatever it is, changing your environment so that you're in a different environment, a different situation. So the triggers that you might've had in the past, no longer trigger you. All of these ways that we use our environment to support us in our recovery goals.  this is a very important principle of recovery to not rely on willpower because at some point  willpower will fail you and you can't just rely on that alone.  

Recovery principle, number four, take extreme ownership of your life.  Extreme ownership. This is from the title of the book by Jocko, Willink, extreme ownership. It's this idea of taking full responsibility. It doesn't matter if it's your fault. It is your responsibility. No one else can get you on stuck. 

No one else can do the work of recovery. No one else can. Stop you from watching porn. It is just too accessible and it's everywhere. So you have to want it.  You have to be the one who takes ownership of it. A helpful thing for this is again, understanding it doesn't matter why it's the way it is. You don't have to go into your, your childhood trauma and explore. You know, where did it start? 

You don't have to do that. It might be helpful, but you don't have to. But what you do have to do is say no matter why it started.  This is how it is right now. And it's my responsibility. Sometimes you just have to get so sick of your own shit before you can truly recover. You have to say, this is my burden. 

This is my thing that I've got to. Dig myself out of, right. That is principle number four.  Recovery principle number five, and this is possibly the most important. One of them all. Is to get support for your recovery and to be in community.  There's a proverb that I love. I don't know where it comes from. It says, if you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to go far, go together. 

In the work that I do with my clients, what I see time and time again, is that when they have that community support or. Me as a coach, when they fall off the wagon, they don't let that slide all the way down the mountain. You know, and this is one of the things, again, that trips up most guys in recoveries, if they don't have any support. If they're trying to do it on their own. When they have a slip-up and it might even be a small slip up, it might just be a little thing. That might derail their whole progress. Because they don't have any external accountability to get them back on track or to catch them when they're sliding down the mountain. It's easier to start again. 

If you have people in your life who are holding you accountable, people who you can open up to and be vulnerable with.  And on top of that being in community.  One of the other reasons it's helpful is that it reminds you that you're not alone in this journey.  And this helps heal the shame. You know, when you see that there are other guys going through similar things. You realize, Hey, I'm not the only one who deals with this. 

I'm not some crazy pervert who, who looks at this stuff and I'm the only person in the world. You start to see that it's actually normal. That other people deal with it and that you're not alone. And that is such a huge part of healing.  So this last principle is to be in community and to get support from other people.  All right, folks. 

There, you have it. My five principles of recovery. That will help you break free from porn addiction for good. And create that sustainable recovery in your life.  Just a reminder again, that we are now officially launched with the unhooked academy group coaching program. The doors are open for it now.  If you want in, on that first cohort. Send me a message. 

And let me know that you're interested or just sign up for a discovery call. Through the link in my show notes. And just say that you're interested in the group coaching program. Again, the first five guys who sign up for that get $800 off the program. So I hope that you will take that initiative and sign up for a discovery call. 

We can hop on the call, talk about whether or not you are a good fit for the program.  So that's it for today.  Signing off from my beautiful Bangkok and I'm heading off to the climbing gym. The catch you guys on the next episode.