94. 'The Way of Integrity' Part 5: The Path to Full Liberation: Embracing Wholeness & Achieving Complete Freedom

In this episode of Unhooked: The Breaking Porn Addiction Podcast, Jeremy Lipkowitz concludes the five-part series on 'The Way of Integrity,' exploring themes from Martha Beck's book. Jeremy discusses the journey through Dante's 'Inferno' to 'Paradise,' emphasizing the importance of mourning old ways and embracing integrity to achieve inner freedom. He shares practical steps and integrity practices and reminds listeners of the transformative potential of each small, daily decision. Also, find out about the Unhooked Academy group coaching program. Ready to break free from addiction and live your best life? Stay tuned!

00:00 Introduction to the Path of Liberation

00:28 Public Service Announcement: Unhooked Academy

01:07 The Relevance of Young Pueblo's Quote

02:39 Overview of Today's Episode

03:26 Dante's Journey: From Inferno to Purgatory

05:31 Mourning the Known Misery

08:33 Reaching the Gates of Purgatory

10:38 Embracing True Nature and Wholeness

12:58 Exploring Your Personal Paradise

14:46 10 Basic Integrity Practices

18:50 Final Reminders and Motivation

22:27 Conclusion and Farewell

-------------------

Interested in joining the Unhooked Academy Program? Sign up for a free call:
https://www.unhookedacademy.com/

Interested in 1:1 coaching? Click here: https://www.jeremylipkowitz.com/intro

Connect with me on Social:
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/jeremylipkowitz/
Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/c/JeremyLipkowitz


-------------------


ABOUT JEREMY LIPKOWITZ

Jeremy overcame addiction, shame, self-judgement, and depression in his early twenties with the help of mindfulness meditation. Mindfulness not only helped him let go of destructive behaviors, it also allowed him to connect with deeper meaning and purpose in his life.

For the past 10 years Jeremy has been teaching mindfulness and emotional intelligence practices at universities, recovery centers, and companies throughout Asia and the US. He holds a Bachelors and Master’s degree in Genetics and Genomics, and spent several years at Duke University working towards a PhD in Genetics & Systems Biology before he turned full-time to teaching mindfulness.

Jeremy is also an ICF certified Executive Coach. As a former scientist and academic, Jeremy has a great passion for bringing his EI based coaching skills into the corporate and professional world. He realizes how powerful & transformative these practices can be for skeptics and senior-level managers. He is known for his calm and grounded demeanor, his expertise in habits and high-performance, and his compassionate approach to transformation.

Transcript

 You're listening to unhooked the breaking porn addiction podcast. On today's episode, the path to liberation. Embracing wholeness and achieving complete freedom.  So stay tuned. 



So hello, ladies and gentlemen. I'm your host, Jeremy Lefkowitz. And we are back with another Monday episode. This time, part five. The final part in the series of the way of integrity. Going through the book by Martha Beck. before we dive into today's content, just a public service announcement. We are looking for five more men to join us in the unhooked academy group coaching program this month. So, if you were looking for support in breaking free from your addiction, if you are finally ready to put this addiction in the past, And break free from the inside at the root core of your addiction, then this is the group for you. 

So if you're interested, go to unhooked academy.com and apply for a free discovery call. Like I said, we're looking for five more men to join us in the group coaching program this month.  So without further ado onto today's program.

 So I want to start with a quote that I recently saw on social media. And this is. Comes from young Pueblo's work. It comes from his book the way forward, and the quote goes like this. He says, you need to do more than eat nourishing food. Exercise and rest to feel your best.  You also need to be around good people. Spend time healing your emotional history. Live in alignment with your values. Say no to people pleasing. Stay open to growth. And deeply embraced change. Now I saw this quote as I was preparing for recording this podcast episode and it struck me how relevant it is to the topic today. Which is that we need to do more than just the basics when it comes to. Feeling our best and living our best life. 

You know, there's all these other things that we need to do in our life. Like being around good people, healing your emotional history, living in alignment with your values. To achieve that state of inner freedom to achieve the final goal, whether you call it liberation or enlightenment or awakening or living with integrity. Whatever you want to call it that peak of the mountain experience.  Requires more of us. 

And so that's really what this episode today is all about. This again is part five in the series of the wave integrity. Going through the book by Martha Beck. So, if you have not listened to the other episodes in the series, please go back and start with the first episode.

So a high level overview of what to expect in this episode today. We're going to be finishing the journey of Dante. So as he climbs through the mountain of purgatory, And into paradise, the garden of Eden.  I'll also share a few reminders and motivations for you in this journey. 

Things to get you pumped up and give you some more energy in this journey. And then finally I'll be sharing a simple list of what we might call the 10. Basic integrity practices. In some ways, this is a recap of the journey that we've been on so far.  But it's 10 things that you can do. 10 building blocks of living your life with integrity. 

So make sure you stay to the end of this episode. For that list. 



So as a reminder of what has happened in the journey so far, we are following the journey of Dante. And he starts his journey by waking up in the dark wood of error. He finds himself in this dark foggy wooded area.  He realized he's lost his way in life, that he is not on the path. He knows that he has gotten out of integrity, that he is not living in alignment with the life. 

He knows he should be living. And so in his quest to break free from this dark wood of error, he ends up meeting the dead poet, Virgil. Which is a symbol for meeting the teacher or seeing another way of living, having some other perspective of how to live your life. Virgil then leads him into the Inferno. And this is a metaphor for deepening your awareness and understanding the ways that you've caused harm or gotten out of integrity.  And in this, you know, one of the. The deepest lessons here is again, this idea that the only way out is through.  That if we want out of our suffering. If we want to reach that state of inner peace or freedom or reaching our full potential. We have to go through. Discomfort. 

We have to go into the places that scare us the most. And this is what is used with this metaphor of going into the Inferno. So Dante and Virgil go into the Inferno. They move down the different layers or levels of hell. And finally get to the bottom level. Where it is a cold icy lake with Lucifer. Uh, in the center of it and they go through the center of the Inferno. And out onto the other side where they finally reach. The base camp of purgatory, the bottom of the mountain and start to climb up it.  And in the last episode, we talked about the first step on that journey. And how it is committing to honesty, committing to telling the truth to not lying to yourself or to others. And it is here now where we find ourselves beginning to climb up the mountain. 

So a big step on the path of healing is what Martha Beck calls morning, the known misery morning, as in grieving, the known misery. And she says this in the book. She says everyone who decides to embrace integrity must mourn the known misery, the familiar patterns and dysfunctional relationships they've left behind. 

I promise. If you give your grief space and time. It will eventually bring you to a level of joy. You may never have imagined.  So the idea here is that as you step into a new life, there will be sadness. You know, even if you're stepping in a positive direction, even if you're making healthier changes and doing things that are supportive and uplifting. There will be a grieving process that you go through, you know, part of you will miss your old ways. Part of you will miss your old life the way you used to numb out or distract or.  Indulge in sense. 

Pleasure. You know, uh, many of my clients talk about us. Sometimes they just have this longing to go back to the way it was when they would. B bingeing on porn and junk food. And.  You know, they, they know that it's not a life that they want to live and they know that it's not supportive for them living. A happier, healthier, fulfilling life. But there is that sense of, of grief. 

You. You know, missing that old way of life. You know, in some ways it's like a comfort blanket, an old friend that has been with us for a long time. Even if, you know, you need to break up with a friend. The breakup process is difficult. You know, even if you know, Hey, I need to get this person out of my life. 

It's toxic. It's holding me back. To actually go through that process. He will go through some grieving.  So just know that. Saying goodbye is never easy. Even when you know, it's the right thing to do. And so this is what Martha Beck. Means when she says we must mourn the known misery.  The familiar patterns, the dysfunctional relationships that you've left behind. But then she promises. 

She says, Eve, you gave your grief space and time. If you allow that grieving process to take place, it will eventually bring you to a level of joy. You may never have imagined.  And this is a quote also that I've shared before this comes from Brianna, we asked.  She says that she says, when you're growing, you will also feel like you're dying.  That is because a part of you is.  Nobody talks about this. But you have to grieve the loss of who you were before. 

You can fully step into who you're going to be.  So part of this process is feeling like you're dying and it's because there is a part of you that is dying. You know, and you have to allow that process to take place. If you're going to step into the next chapter in your life.  So this is the next step in our journeys to make room to grieve, to let go of that old way of life and to understand that it will be painful, but it doesn't mean you're doing anything wrong.  So moving along in the journey. Uh, climbing further up the mountain slopes. Dante and Virgil, they reach a gate. And these are actually the gates of purgatory. 

It turns out that Dante hadn't yet reached the gates of purgatory when he came through. Uh, he had just started his journey up the mountain, but it hadn't actually gotten into purgatory. What some scholars call this anti purgatory.  Just meaning before purgatory.

And this gate of purgatory is guarded by an angel. Uh, and on the gates, there is an inscription, you know, just like the gates to Inferno, which had a quote, which said something like abandon all hope. Ye who enter here.  And telling people that, you know, as you head into the Inferno, You know, it's hopeless in there. 

It's a place of misery. It's the place for lost people. On the gate of purgatory, it says almost the opposite.  It says, you know, essentially something. Along the lines of abandoned all intention to backslide. So don't even think of looking back. If you enter these gates.  And it's a wonderful place to get to, you know, once you've reached this place where there's, there's no turning back, there's no looking back really.  Um,  

What I've noticed in the lives of my clients and of myself, as well as that. You do reach a point where you can no longer. Live. A naive life. You can no longer just put your head in the sand. You can no longer. You know, just for example, with porn, you can no longer engage with porn.  Without realizing. You know what it's doing to you, you can't go back to your old ways of just. Being in denial.  You can no longer be in denial about how it's impacting you. 

That even if you relapse, even if you slip up.  You will be aware that time you will be kind of present for it and realizing, Hey, this is not. Serving me. This is not how I want to live.  And so this is what this step is about. As you know, getting to the place where you can no longer turn back. You no longer can see it. The same way.  So as he journeys through purgatory, you know, this journey is about shedding, the different beliefs and behaviors that cause us harm and suffering. The ways that we might lose our true self and get out of integrity.  So Martha Beck writes this in the book. She says, when we're split from our true selves, what we really want is wholeness.  But we don't even know what that looks like. We think it will come from the dark wood of error rewards like wealth and power or an endless supply of sex, drugs, and rock and roll.  The pursuit of these things, given the intensity of the pain that drives them. It's so absorbing that we really are often selfish. Greedy and brutal.  But real relief. The sort that brings us back to the person we are meant to be. Comes only when we embrace our true natures.  So I want to dissect this quote a little bit because there's, again, so much beauty in it.  That. What we want again, is wholeness that feeling of being at peace inside the feeling of being able to walk out on the streets with our head. Health high, because we know that we're living a good life. 

That feeling of integrity.  And.  What happens often is that we get hooked on these dark wood of error rewards. You know, we get enticed or seduced by things like wealth and power. Validation. Uh, pleasure. Money, sex drugs, all these things that in our society are we're conditioned to want to chase after.  And the pursuit of these things. As she says, given the intensity of the pain that drives them. Can be quite absorbing for most of us, you know, all the ways that we think. If I just get this or that it will make me happy, can be quite strong. 

We can be quite absorbed by the pursuit of these things and it can lead us to things acting out with selfishness, with greed, with brutality.  And then again, Martha Beck writes here. She says, Real relief comes only when we embrace our true nature.  So, this is what we are exploring now in this chapter, in this final section.  Eventually Dante makes it up to the top of the mountain. He gets up to the garden of Eden to paradise. And in both books, the divine comedy, and also in this book, the way of integrity. There are quite large sections devoted to this part of the journey to exploring what is it like at the top of the mountain? And I'm not going to go too much in depth here in all part of this, I will leave that up to you in your own exploration of what does the top of the mountain look like for you?  I'm not a particularly religious person and. Uh, spirituality even I think is, is something that is so unique to each one of us, that it might be better for each of us to explore on our own what really resonates with us. But I'll just say one important thing about this is that. It is important to spend some time thinking about and working on reflecting on what your paradise is, what your ideal. Dream life looks like what? Full integrity looks like for you. What are the values you want to live by? What does it mean? 

Or look like to be absolutely free. To be liberated. There's different terminology, different terms that we can use given what traditionally come from. If you come from a religious tradition or not. If you come from a more secular background, um, and there are different ways of exploring these topics of freedom or liberation or heaven or paradise, whatever it is. But it is very important for you to spend some time thinking about. What is that ultimate goal? What does that look like for you? It's helpful to actually know where you want to go.  So I hope that you do take the time to think about what your full integrity looks like. What full liberation looks like for you. Now as a recap here, Martha Beck. Offers a short list of ways that you can get back into integrity. Yeah. 

If you find yourself feeling a little bit out of integrity or dealing with some challenging situations, she says here's a list of 10 basic integrity skills. And in many ways, these are foundational practices on the journey to integrity. So number one is to notice the dark wood of error symptoms.  To just notice when the symptoms are present in your life as a signpost that you might be out of integrity. Things like irritation or fatigue. Or addiction. Anger. Whenever you are noticing the symptoms. To just tune in and say, okay, what's going on here? 

Is there something out of integrity in my life right now?  Number two is to connect with soul teachers. So this is that. Aspect of the path of connecting with teachers that offer alternative perspectives. Teachers that. Shake your foundations that challenge you that. Take away your sedatives. It's such a good practice to continually connect with soul teachers. 

Again, it might be podcasts. It might be books. It might might be YouTube channels might be going to spiritual centers. Ways that you can connect with soul teachers.

Number three is to tune into your inner wisdom tune into your own personal truth.  In our society, there are so many different voices out there telling you what's true or what you should believe. And part of the practice of integrity is listening to yourself, tuning into your own wisdom. 

Number four is to acknowledge your own errors and to admit when you've made a mistake. So, this is such a, such an important part is to admit when you do something wrong, admit, when you've made a mistake, that's going to be very helpful. And this relates to step number five or practice number five. Is to remain open to the idea that you might be wrong.  In other words to have humility. Too. Practice this aspect of being open to new ideas and saying, oh, there, there might actually be things that I don't know here.  And I might not be right about this.  So that is step number five. Step or practice number six is to avoid othering people. We're making enemies of people with different perspectives.  So in many ways we can.  Create boundaries and create division and create drama by othering people. And so this practice is to be on the lookout for ways that you might be doing that. Practice number seven is to refuse to betray yourself, to refuse to lie. The ways that you might betray your integrity by lying or cheating or scamming. To refuse to do that. Practice number eight to spend time doing things that lift you up and nourish you.  This is another great way to stay in integrity is to. Make the time to carve out time in your life for things that lift you up. Whether it's sports or art or community. Cooking. There's so many ways that you can spend time doing things that lift you up.  Practice number nine is to be authentic, to hide less and less of yourself.  Practice being transparent and honest again, this, there, all these things are interrelated, right? 

Like not lying. Also relates to this, to speak your truth, to practice that. Authenticity.  

Practice number 10 is to forgive yourself for violating your integrity when you didn't know better. This again is another.  Critical one is that.  On this journey to integrity, there will be times that you slip up, that you slide, that you do things that you regret or have remorse about and to practice forgiving yourself for violating that integrity. It's going to be very helpful along the way. So those are the 10 basic integrity skills or the 10 foundational practices. That will help you on this journey.  Now a couple of reminders here on the path to integrity. 

A couple of things that will be helpful. One is to recognize that as you walk the path, you will change. The more you walk this path of integrity. Your thought patterns will change. Your behaviors will change. And importantly, your beliefs about yourself will change.  Over time, you will start to see yourself as more worthy and more lovable and more fundamentally whole. Rather than feeling broken. Or feeling. Somehow lacking. In, in some way.  So that is one thing is just to be on the lookout for the ways that you might be changing. The second is to understand that the path is what Martha Beck calls reiterative.  In that it might take many rounds. You know, you go back to the dark wood of error, you get re hooked on these things that you thought would bring you happiness. And you have to go through the process again, of waking up, going through the Inferno, climbing up through purgatory and again, reaching that place of integrity.  Sometimes it will feel like you're right back where you started maybe on this. Path of porn addiction, recovery. 

You've. Been clean and, uh, for a while, and then after a couple of years you might relapse and you might find yourself back in a place where you.  Uh, you feel like you have to start all over again. But what I want to say is that even when it feels like you've started all over.  When it feels like you're back where you started. 

You're not. You are much stronger and more capable than ever before.  It's now you have the skills to go through this process much more quickly. And, uh, you know what, it's what it takes. You know what it's like to go through the Inferno to go through purgatory. So just to know that you are building skills as you go on this journey.  Now, finally, I want to end with some extra motivation. And these are just two quotes that I picked out from the book that Martha Beck writes.  She says, now I have something scary to tell you.  You don't have much time left to live.  Whether it's five years or 55. 

It's not all that long.  You have no time to waste on suffering.  No time to keep torturing your nature to serve your culture.  The time for integrity is now.  

So this. This call to action reminding you that you don't have much time left to live. Whether it's five years or 55. It's not all that long. You really don't have that much time. So to not waste time on your suffering. The time for integrity is now.  One more quote that I picked out from the book that I absolutely love.  Martha Beck says every day, you make thousands of tiny decisions about what to do with your time.  Every single choice is a chance to turn toward the life you really want.  Repeatedly putting a little less time into what you don't love and a little more into what you do love.  Is your next step on the way of integrity.  

Every day, you make thousands of tiny decisions about what to do with your time.  Every single choice is a chance to turn toward the life you really want.  

So I hope that these two final quotes or passages.  Give you some extra motivation, give you that boost to get your life on track. To start walking the path of integrity.  So that's it for today. Folks. I hope you've enjoyed this mini series of integrity. I would love to hear what you think about it. So feel free to drop me a message. 

Let me know what you thought of this series. If you have any requests for books that I can dive into and explore on the podcast, I'd love to hear that as well.  So that's it for today signing off from a beautiful day in Bangkok. I am headed to the climbing gym after this.  So I will sign off and say goodbye. 

And with that, I'll catch you on the next episode.