100. 12 Life Lessons Learned From 100 Episodes: Celebrating A Century of Unhooked

In the 100th episode of The Unhooked Podcast, host Jeremy Lipkowitz celebrates this significant milestone by sharing 12 essential life lessons learned through producing the podcast and personal experiences over the years. These lessons cover various aspects of personal development, recovery, business, and the importance of connections. Highlights include starting before you're ready, the necessity of honesty with oneself, the power of consistency, the value of relationships, understanding that slips happen, and the importance of showing up, even when you feel like hiding. The episode underscores the importance of having outside perspectives, appreciating how far you've come in your journey, and recognizing that there's always room for improvement.


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00:00 Introduction and Milestone Celebration

01:56 Life Lesson 1: Start Before You Feel Ready

04:21 Life Lesson 2: Honesty is Key

05:57 Life Lesson 3: Consistency Over Big Wins

07:14 Life Lesson 4: Value of Relationships

08:33 Life Lesson 5: Handling Slips and Relapses

10:45 Life Lesson 6: Show Up When You Want to Hide

12:20 Life Lesson 7: Focus on What You Love

13:47 Life Lesson 8: The Untamed Mind

15:20 Life Lesson 9: Courage in Recovery

16:57 Life Lesson 10: Healing Self-Relationship

18:17 Life Lesson 11: Outside Perspectives

19:22 Life Lesson 12: Continuous Improvement and Celebration

21:14 Conclusion and Call to Action


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ABOUT JEREMY LIPKOWITZ

Jeremy overcame addiction, shame, self-judgement, and depression in his early twenties with the help of mindfulness meditation. Mindfulness not only helped him let go of destructive behaviors, it also allowed him to connect with deeper meaning and purpose in his life.

For the past 10 years Jeremy has been teaching mindfulness and emotional intelligence practices at universities, recovery centers, and companies throughout Asia and the US. He holds a Bachelors and Master’s degree in Genetics and Genomics, and spent several years at Duke University working towards a PhD in Genetics & Systems Biology before he turned full-time to teaching mindfulness.

Jeremy is also an ICF certified Executive Coach. As a former scientist and academic, Jeremy has a great passion for bringing his EI based coaching skills into the corporate and professional world. He realizes how powerful & transformative these practices can be for skeptics and senior-level managers. He is known for his calm and grounded demeanor, his expertise in habits and high-performance, and his compassionate approach to transformation.

Transcript

 You're listening to the unhooked podcast. On today's episode. 12 life lessons learned from 100 episodes. So stay tuned.



  So hello, ladies and gentlemen, welcome back to the show. This is a very special episode, 100 in the books. Incredible milestone for us. I'm just amazed that we're here. I've heard that most podcasts. Don't make it past episode three or four. So the fact that we're still here  is just a huge Testament to the success of the show and to. The support from all you listeners. We are now at episode 100, we are at over 188,000 downloads on the podcast. So it's just a massive amount of success that we've seen since we launched. And what I wanted to do today is share just some life lessons that I've learned. On hitting this milestone on getting to a hundred episodes. Some of these lessons and insights are recovery related. Things I've learned about recovery along the way. Some are just related to personal development in being a good human some are business related. They're all interwoven with each other. I would say. And it's a special day for me here. I'm actually in Paquette, on an island in Thailand. Giving myself a little bit of a vacation and a celebration. I recently got my five-year digital nomad visa for Thailand, which is a big excitement in my life. 

It means that I will be able to stay here in Thailand for. Many years to come without worrying about the visa issues. , so I'm celebrating with a little trip to Paquette on the island. It's beautiful out blue skies. A little bit of clouds, but nice weather. And and I'm recording this from my hotel. 

And after I finished recording, I'm going to head out to some cafes and. Drink some coffee and enjoy the beautiful island. So without further ado, let's dive in to the 12 life lessons that I've learned from 100 episodes. 

Just a note on these. These are not in any particular order. These were just the insights off the top of my head that came to me when I was thinking and reflecting on what I've learned over the past few years. But if I had to rate, I would say number six is one of my personal favorite. So make sure you stick around until then. To catch one of my favorite lessons.  So let's dive in. 





Lesson number one, conditions are never going to be perfect. 

You need to start before you feel ready. And show up regardless. This is one of those timeless insights that applies again, not just to recovery or to business, but really to everything in life.  Understanding that there are never going to be perfect conditions that there's going to be this huge sign in the sky saying now is the right time to start. You have to start before you feel ready. And that is one of the lessons that I learned specifically on this podcast for a long time, I put this podcast off. I thought about delaying it. 

I thought, I didn't know how to run a podcast, how to record episodes. And so I procrastinated for a long time waiting and thinking that there would be a better time to start.  And at some point I just had to start before I really know what to do before. I really felt ready. And I'm so glad I did. 

And so this is just that.  Reminder that note to self that if there's something that you are waiting for, if you're waiting for conditions to get better before you start.  Often, you just have to get started. But waiting around for the perfect weather. Here. It's a losing game. You're just never going to really be ready. 

And it's much better to start before you feel ready. This also applies to recovery. You know there so many times that I've heard clients and people say that I want to quit porn, but yeah, just not yet. I need to wait for. Some things aligned to align in, in my business or in my relationship, I'll get started next week or maybe a month from now.  And again, it's just a pathway to failure. 

It's the road. To endless procrastination, always putting it off. That you just have to get started. So that is the first lesson. Conditions are never going to be perfect. You have to start before you feel ready.  Let's sit number two. Honesty is required for real recovery. And with this, I want to emphasize that honesty with yourself. First and foremost. The. The ways you might be lying to yourself. Is what really keeps you stuck in addiction. And it's liberating to see the truth. 

To be honest with yourself, to tell yourself the truth about where you are. How far along you are in your path. It is so liberating, even though it might be painful, to be honest with yourself, I had to do this as well in my life recently around business, some things in my business that I was avoiding and procrastinating on. And I was a little bit in denial about it as well. And I got called out by one of my business mentors. 

And it was, it was a liberating moment because I had to be honest with myself and say, you know what, I'm actually not putting in the work that I want or that I need to put in to see the success and growth that I want to see.  And so I had to be honest with myself and stop playing the victim, stop pointing fingers at other people or pretending it's not as bad as I thought. To be in denial to yourself and to lie to yourself. is going to keep you stuck in bad habit patterns. And so just knowing that honesty. With yourself in particular is so important for recovery and for your growth as a human. And that leads to honesty with other people as well. 

If you are continuing to lie to other people about your habits and behaviors. If you're lying to your partner. About your porn addiction. It's going to be very hard to practice recovery. 

Lesson number three, consistency is more important than one big win.  The huge turning point for me in this podcast. And this again is also true for recovery, the turning point for me and his podcast was when I made the commitment to post an episode every single Monday, when I first started this podcast, I was posting just randomly, whenever I would record an episode. And at some point, along the way, I decided to make the commitment that every Monday I'm going to release a new episode. 

And that is when I really started to see things take off. As when I started to see the numbers. Growing the follower count growing. More people tuning in. And this is true for recovery as well. When it comes to your meditation habits to your health and wellness. To your recovery. It is so much more important to be consistent. Than it is to put in tons and tons of effort on one day and then forget about it completely the rest of the week. So consistency and the power of small gains is really important here. 

This is one of the lessons. That I've learned from doing a hundred episodes on this podcast and also from doing the recovery work and working with men around porn addiction and recovery.  

Lesson number four, relationships and connections are the real prize. The people that I've met in this journey. R what I have come to treasure the most, the guests that I've brought on the show, the colleagues that I have in this community, the other people working in this area.  And as well, the relationships that I've formed and that I've seen form inside the unhooked community, it's these relationships and these connections that I really treasure the most out of all of this stuff. It's the connections that I've been able to make with other people that I will remember for the rest of my life. 

And that is.  It's priceless, no amount of money or success or validation or anything can compare to that feeling of connection with other people being in community. Knowing you're part of a tribe. All of that is so valuable. And I see it in. My clients as well. I see it in the members of the community. That when you're building connections, when you're able to really be seen.  For who you are, and for the things you care about. It's just such a gift to have those connections.  So that's lesson number four for me is that relationships and connections are the real prize.  



Lesson number five. 

Is that slips happen?  Relapse happens. It is not a personal failing, unless you let it completely derail you. There will be times in your life, no matter what you're working on, whether it's porn addiction, whether it's. Gambling video games. Whatever it is, there are going to be times where slips happen, where you lose yourself and get off center.  And.  There's a balance there between, holding yourself accountable and holding yourself and saying, that's not who I want to be. 

And that's not how I want to show up, but not beating yourself up to the point where you just want to act out even more and escape that feeling of pain and shame. And so just understanding that you are human. You're not going to be perfect and we're not going for perfection here. We're going for. Improvement making progress. Of course, there are caveats there, there are certain things. Particularly in relationships where you might have agreements that if something does happen, even once. It's just not acceptable. 

So infidelity might be one of those things. If you have cheated on your partner in the past. And if, come to account and been honest. You guys might have an agreement that says this cannot happen a single time again. And that's the nuance. There is Some slips might happen and you should try to let them happen on things that are maybe not life shattering. But things That are still, you are still able to recover from. 

So for example, Watching porn, once in awhile, slipping up on that in my book. It's not the worst thing in the world. It's something you might wanna improve, but it's not if you do it once. Oh my God. You're the most horrible person in the world. So just keep that in an account, relapse happens, slips happen. And.  The key there is that when you relapse to use it as a learning experience and to say. Okay. 

What caused this to happen? What was going on in my life? What did I start slacking off on? Was it my sleep? Was it my exercise? My meditation, my nutrition. Was it my relationships. What was going on that led me to this moment. So that I can improve for the future.  So that is lesson number five slips happen.  Lesson number six is one of my favorites here. The times where you most want to isolate and hide. Or the times when it's most important to show up and be seen by others. This is something that I've seen so clearly time and time again. Particularly in the unhooked academy community. That when there is this desire to isolate and to run away, maybe you've acted out and you feel ashamed of that. 

You don't want to be seen. That is usually a sign that you need connection and you need to show up more than ever.  I've seen this in a group just a couple of weeks ago. There were a couple shares from people who had slipped up. And they saw that there was this strong desire to not show up to the call. Two. And they were so ashamed that they had slipped. That they wanted to not attend the call and they want it to hide and not be seen. And it was so transformative to see them on the call, sharing that truth and sharing. The thing that they were ashamed of, that they had slipped up and to see how healing it was for them to realize they don't need to hide. That they can be held in a safe community.  Just as they are. With their relapse, with their slips, with their fears and not need to run away. 

And that is such an important lesson that I think we all need to learn that. When you want to hide isolate and runaway. That is usually a sign that you need connection and you need to be seen more than ever.  

Lesson number seven, focusing on what you love is more useful than focusing on what you hate.  So both of these things can be very powerful, fuel sources. And in fact, I have used both of these things and many of my clients use both of these things. It can be valuable to say, I don't want this future to come true. 

This path that I'm on, I can see where it's leading and it scares me and I don't want it. And that fear can be a powerful fuel source.  But it can also be a powerful fuel source to say, 

 

here's the man. I want to be. Here's the life I want to live. Here's what's important to me in the future. That's the direction I want to go into. 

And that is a much more sustainable and long lasting fuel source. That you can use that negative. The aversion fuel source for a little bit, and it's good. In the beginning, it gives you that kind of immediate push that immediate energy.  But it's not very long lasting, it's like using coal instead of solar power or wind power. So we need to, at some point in our lives, connect with that. Compelling vision of the future. 

This is why it's the first module in my unhooked academy course connecting with a compelling vision of the future of where you want to go and who you want to be.  Because we all need that north star.  To remind us of where we want to go and to keep us motivated to stay on the path. 

Lesson number eight, the biggest obstacle to your recovery is your own untamed mind.  The mind of self-criticism. Of greed procrastination. Self-sabotage. These are the forces that will tear you down. And these are almost entirely internal forces. The internal mechanisms of self-sabotage of fear of procrastination. 

These are the things that are really going to cement addiction and keep you from recovery. Now on the flip side of that, is that with a well-trained mind?  Where you have self restraint, you have integrity. You have self-worth, you have discipline. Encourage all of these. Positive and uplifting mental factors, almost nothing external can break your recovery. You could be going through a hell of a time in your life, but if your inner world is clear, And you have integrity and you have discipline and self restraint, and self-worth. Almost nothing external can break your recovery.  And so we have to remember again and again, that recovery is an inside job. The S the external is important. 

We need to focus on our environment as well. Notice the environments we're putting ourselves in, who are we surrounding ourselves with? Are we around a lot of triggers. But the internal work is really the most important for long lasting recovery.  

Lesson number nine, recovery takes courage. For real recovery and for being, the best version of yourself possible. We need to be able to go to those places that scare us, to be able to sit with discomfort. Sit with our loneliness and shame and fear and boredom, all of these emotions that we tend to run away from the things that we've been running away from for so long, we need to learn how to. Have the courage to face them. And by face them. 

Actually sit with them without running away from them.  Just as an example, boredom is a huge one for so many men. As a trigger for acting out with porn addiction. You're sitting there in your apartment and you get bored and you don't like the feeling of boredom. And so what do you look for in escape? You want runaway into porn or social media, 

and so it takes courage to actually face the discomfort of boredom. Or the discomfort of loneliness or the discomfort of fear, all of these things, it takes courage to face the discomfort of those experiences.  And so to remember that, this relates to the very first lesson is that.  



You don't want to wait for it to feel easy. 

You don't want to wait for the conditions to be right. In fact, it's the very act of going into the stormy weather, going into the rough waters, going into the discomfort. That is a sign that you're doing, the right kind of work. 

Lesson number 10, the greatest benefit of recovery. The greatest thing that comes as a result of all this work is the way that it heals the relationship. You have with yourself. When you are no longer acting out or sabotaging yourself living out of integrity, it opens up a doorway to more genuine self-respect and self-worth. And that is really a priceless gift. 

When you can look in the mirror and be proud of the person you are. When you can walk down the road with your head held high, when you feel that bliss of blamelessness. When you know you are a good person, there is nothing more valuable than that than being your own best friend.  Because that voice inside your head, it goes with you wherever you are. 

And if you can have a internal voice. That is supportive and friendly and uplifting. And that champions you, and that calls you out on your bullshit, It's not.  Set that aside, you also need an internal voice that has that level of ability to call yourself out on things, are wrong.  But that is what you want. 

Is that internal best friend. And so the real benefit of recovery is that it heals the relationship you have with yourself.  

Lesson number 11. We need outside perspectives to see our blind spots.  One of my favorite things that I get to do for my clients. As a coach and in the unhooked academy community is to call out my clients on things that they just can't see. The ways where they are not living in integrity, simply out of ignorance, just simply out of. Never being taught how to see it before. And it is so helpful to have people in our lives who can call us out on our blind spots. When we can't see the harm that we're causing when we're just blind to it. We need those friends in our lives. 

People who can call us out and say, Hey. What is this thing that you're doing that you don't seem to be aware of? You need to check that out, right? And we all need that. I value most dearly. The friends I have that are honest with me, when they see me doing something. That I know I shouldn't be doing right. 

So we need those outside perspectives.  

Lesson number 12, the final lesson for today.  There is always more work to do. There's always more improving. You can do.  And you have to take the time to appreciate and celebrate how far you've come.  If you never take that time to stop and smell the roses to stop and say, wow, I have come so far. Your life will be miserable. 

No matter how far you go.  So to remember, to take the time once in a while. Even if it feels like you're still struggling. To stop and look and say, wow, I have climbed so far up this mountain.  I am so much farther along than I used to be. I am so proud of the work that I've done. For not giving up on myself for not, just surrendering, but actually continuing to push forward and to climb this mountain. It is so important to take that time, to appreciate. And celebrate how far you've come.  And that is, coming full circle. 

It's one of the reasons I'm here. On this island today, celebrating. My journey is because I feel like I am so proud of the work that I've done with this podcast, with my clients, with my business. With my life. But I wanted to treat myself to a nice vacation.  So I hope that wherever you are in your journey,  Of course don't lose sight of the work you need to do to improve. But, or, and I should say. Don't forget to appreciate how far you've come to celebrate yourself for your success.  So those are my 12 life lessons that I've learned.  After doing 100 podcast episodes. There are undoubtedly many more lessons. From this journey from the guests that have come on, but those are some of the key things that stand out to me as I was reflecting. On 100 episodes on the unhooked podcast.

So that is it for today. Before we sign off a friendly request, if you'd like to support this show, please drop a review for us on iTunes or Spotify or wherever you are listening to this podcast. And of course, if you want support in your journey of overcoming porn addiction, don't hesitate to reach out and sign up for a free discovery call. 

You could find all the links in the show notes. And on my website. And that is it for today, signing off from the beautiful island of Paquette in Thailand. We'll catch you guys on the next episode.