111. Love What’s Ahead: A Transformative Approach to Recovery (Rebroadcast)

Today on the podcast I talk about a framework that I learned which is all about thinking about what you love, and what you want to cultivate in your life, rather than focusing on what you hate or are trying to get away from.

This orientation gives a much stronger fuel source for your recovery. And in this episode I talk about some examples and how to practice it.

------------

Interested in joining the Unhooked Academy Group Program? Sign up for a free call:
https://www.unhookedacademy.com/

Looking for a self-led journey with the Unhooked Online Course:
https://jeremylipkowitz.mykajabi.com/unhooked

Interested in personal  1:1 coaching? Click here: https://www.jeremylipkowitz.com/intro

Connect with me on Social:
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/jeremylipkowitz/
Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/c/JeremyLipkowitz

------------
Shownotes

00:00 Introduction to the Unhooked Podcast

00:19 The Power of Loving What's in Front of You

01:39 Focusing on Positive Goals

04:13 Examples of Positive Reframing

05:58 Dream Life Visualization Exercise

09:29 Balancing Negative and Positive Focus

11:24 Conclusion and Listener Engagement

Transcript

  You're listening to the Unhooked Podcast. On today's episode, we're going to be talking about how loving what is in front of you is more powerful than hating what is behind you. So let's get started. Stay tuned.

So welcome, ladies and gentlemen, to another episode of the Unhooked Podcast. Today, we're going to be talking about one little aspect of recovery and personal growth that I find very powerful in my own life. And this topic today is inspired by a conversation I was having yesterday with a friend of mine.

We were out to dinner. And just talking about our dream lives in the future and what is it that we want to cultivate and  what do we aspire to, what is that dream life that we are building? And it reminded me of this  tool or technique that I am fond of in recovery, which is to focus on what is it you want to cultivate rather than what do you want to get away from.

And there's a quote around this that I really like. It comes from G. K. Chesterson, and this is the quote. He says, the true soldier fights not because he hates what is in front of him, but because he loves what is behind him.  So it's a little bit different from what I'm talking about in the beginning, which is to love what's in front of you.

You know, love what is coming rather than hating. And so it's this idea to connect what is it that you love? You know, what is it you're working towards? What do you want to, you know, build and grow and cultivate rather than focusing your energy on what you want to run away from, what do you hate, what do you despise.

So it's really about what is it that you are paying attention to in your life.  And if you want to create massive changes in your life, you will have more success if you follow this game plan. Because if you focus on hating what's behind you, If you focus your energy on what you don't want, you know, what we know is where attention goes, energy flows.

So if you're looking at what's wrong, what you don't like,  you're going to be kind of in subtle ways cultivating that because you're just putting all your energy on what's wrong, what's broken, what you don't like. Rather than focusing your energy on what is it that you want to be in existence in your life.

What do you want to manifest or call forth or cultivate or grow in your life?  And there's another quote from Mel Robbins that I like about this. She said, you can't change what happened in the past, but you can decide what happens next.  And so what I would challenge you to do, you know, again, this is not just about porn addiction, but it's about anything that you want to change in your life,  your relationship with food, your relationship to technology, to sexuality and relationships, anything where you want a massive change, where the way you're doing things now just isn't working.

And you know that you need to do things differently,  that if you can connect with what you want to replace, You know, rather than connecting with the thing that's broken, focusing your energy on what would that dream life look like? You know, what would the embodied man look like that you want to become?

So visualizing that healthy lifestyle, connecting with what would a meaningful and purposeful life look like for you is part of this work. And it, it fuels your recovery with a more sustainable and efficient life. form of fuel and energy  because if you're focused on Oh, you know, I don't like this and I don't like that and I want to run away from this aspect of myself  It might give you a little bit of energy in the beginning, but it's a kind of a shameful energy It's a negative energy that over time drains us and a much more long lasting energy is the energy of this is who I want to become.

This is the dream life that I aspire to. This is who I want to be in this future.  So there's a few examples that I can bring into the space just so you have an idea of what I'm talking about. So for example, instead of saying I want to stop watching porn,  You could say something like, I want to consume content and media that supports my growth and inspires me. 

So you see there, we're going from this, Ah, I want to stop doing this bad thing. I want to stop doing this shameful thing. To, hey, here's how I want to be spending my time. I want to consume content and media and whatever it is that supports my growth, that inspires me, that inspires me. It fulfills me and lifts me up and moves me forward. 

So that's one example. Another example is something like, uh, instead of saying, I don't want to waste my time on social media,  which again is that negative aspect, it's what I'm running away from. You can say something like, I want to be intentional about my time and make time for what's most important in my life. 

So a lot of this is about how we are explaining it to ourself, the mindset that we're bringing to our recovery. healing journey, whatever you want to call it.  But that mindset is, okay, what's the positive thing that I'm cultivating rather than what I'm running away from?  So a third example, instead of saying, I don't want to objectify women, you could say I want to respect and value women for who they are on the inside. 

So again, whatever it is you're working on,  how can you find the positive aspect that you want to grow in?  If you're struggling with sugar addiction, instead of, I want to stop Binging on sugar and emotionally eating say how I want to cultivate a healthy relationship to the food. I eat  I want the food I eat to be a source of joy and inspiration and nourishment in my life  So another way to tap into this aspect of Focusing on what you love and what's in front of you rather than what's behind you or what you're getting away from is To do this dream life visualization  So to do the dream life visualization, one way that I work with, uh, when I do my client work is to think about your life five or ten years from now.

And think about if the next five or ten years are just beyond your wildest dreams, you know, everything is falling into place. You are living the most abundant and rich and fulfilling life you could possibly imagine. What would that life look like?  And to let go of any, uh, you know, is this realistic?

Could it happen? But to just dream big and have fun, you know, whatever you want is possible. And to say, what would my life be like? If I was fully living the most amazing, incredible life five years from now, or ten years from now.  And when you do this, a couple tips. One is to actually journal about it, or to do this with a friend and to speak it into existence.

So rather than just thinking about it, to actually somehow crystallize it so it becomes real. So you can journal for 15 or 20 minutes. You can do this with a friend where you take turns and explore it. Uh, but doing some thing to crystallize it, to make it real. So when you do this journaling exercise to get very specific, to actually get into the details of this life.

And so what I like to say to my clients is to paint a picture for me, you know, to really drop into this vision of what your life would look like in a dream scenario.  And so some of the questions I like to ask my clients is, you know, What is the first thing you do in the morning? What's your morning routine like?

You wake up, how do you feel? Do you open the windows? You know, what do you see when you open the windows? What's your morning routine? What's the first thing you do? What are you having for breakfast? So getting really specific  about your routines, your habits, your behaviors. Also about You know, your nutrition.

What are you eating? Who are you with? So if you're with a partner, you know, if you're with friends, what are the qualities of the relationships in your life?  And then also, a lot about who you are as a person. How do you feel in this dream future? So, for example, a lot of my clients, when they do this, one of the things that comes up again and again is the feeling of contentment and integrity.

feeling grounded, you know, not always thinking, okay, what's next? What do I want more of? And what do I not have enough of  tapping into? What are the important qualities in your life that you want to cultivate and how are you showing up in this dream future?  Now, how do you feel about the life that you have?

Who are you with? How are you spending your time? So to drop into this. vision of your dream life will help you focus on what you want to cultivate. You'll start to see the way you're interacting with technology, see the way you're interacting with your partners and your relationships, and you can say, this is what I want to cultivate more of.

Rather than, okay, what do I want to run away from or,  you know, escape or change? It's, what do I want to grow into?  Now a little side note on this just because I think it's important to have some balance here and to play devil's advocate.  It's not to say, you know, with this topic I'm talking about today, it's not to say that any kind of negative thing or what you want to run away from or get away from is bad.

There's actually a lot of importance in that, you know, importance of saying, Hey, this thing that I've been doing is unhealthy and it's not skillful and it's not ethical and I want to do less of it.  There's nothing wrong with saying things that way with framing it that way, but just notice if that's the only way you're approaching this topic. 

If all of your energy is, oh, I'm doing bad stuff, I'm a bad person, I have bad habits,  you know, that kind of negative energy is infectious. And it can permeate the rest of your mindsets, your mentality. So just having a balance there, you know, if you want to say, yeah, I want to watch less porn. I want to stop wasting my time on social media.

That's fine as well. But just have that balance in your life and think about Okay, yeah, I want to stop this, but what do I want to replace it with?  What do I want to be present in my life? How do I want to show up? Who do I want to be in the future?  I've found in, in my own personal life with my own projects and things that I'm working on and with the client work that I do, that it is so much more powerful when you can connect with where you want to go and  and who you want to become. 

So, you know, whatever you're working on, whoever you are, whatever you're thinking about when you're listening to this, just pause right now for a moment  and think, you know, what is it that I'm trying to accomplish and what do I want to achieve? Who do I want to be?  How do I want my relationships to be?  So, that's the topic for today.

Obviously, very relevant for porn addiction, any kind of compulsive habits or behaviors, things that you are, you know, kind of stuck on. But it's also just relevant for anything else in your life that you're working on, whether it's productivity, business, entrepreneurship. So I hope you can see that and implement this into your life, thinking about, what do I want to do? 

So, that's it for today. A short one here. And, uh, I hope you are all doing well. I would love, as always, if you are listening to this, to drop a review, give it some star ratings on whatever platform you're listening on. Uh, I am, you know, new in this game of the podcasting world and I'm just loving seeing how many people are listening to this.

You know, I checked the, the download stats and it's great to see it growing. Um, day by day and week by week to see that people are finding this and, and tuning in. So  if you're listening, I would love to hear from you. Feel free to just drop me a note on any of the social media platforms or on my website.

I would love to hear, you know, what is resonating with you about this podcast? What topics do you want to hear more about? What are you struggling with? So feel free to drop me a note and say hello. And that's it for today. I'll catch you all on the next one.